Snap. Patti Wood

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СКАЧАТЬ front of you and the other new employees and introduces herself as one of your new managers. Would you be impressed by her beautiful smile, confident gestures, and high-energy presentation? No way! In your first encounter with her, your gut said, “Inconsiderate and selfish.” In your future interactions with her, you would find yourself looking for information to back up this snap.

      The Bad Day Blues

      Because of my work, I have been in airports and on planes almost every week for years. I have always observed that the world is full of kind and openhearted people. I’ve been a real Pollyanna.

      But recently I fell off a small cliff and shattered my wrist. Shortly after surgery, wearing a bright blue cast, I traveled a distance to give a speech. In the airport security line, a guy behind me was pushing plastic bins around. One of those bins held my jacket, which fell to the floor. I had to struggle to pick it up with one hand — and received no help from Pushy Guy.

      When I got on the airport train that carried passengers to the gates where we would board our flights, a teenage girl stared at me blankly. She refused to move so that I could get to a seat, and so, as the train moved, I fell to the floor. From there I looked up at the teenager’s father. He said, “You should have held on to a post!” I was stunned.

      This Pollyanna continued to find inconsiderate people that day — on the escalator and on the flight. I wondered, “Are people just getting ruder? What is the world coming to?” In fact, my impressions were colored by what neuroscientist Daniel Amen calls “emotional shading.”⁹ When your deep limbic system shifts into overdrive, you perceive neutral events through a negative filter. My starting from a bad place (I was in pain and worried about traveling with a cast) colored my impressions. All of us experience this, whether we are on the instigating or receiving end.

      Is Your Mood Creating Bad Impressions?

      Each time you get a negative first impression of someone, stop for a moment and reflect. If he seems rude or angry, cold or disconnected, ask yourself whether your mood that day is affecting your impression. Then take action to change your mood and theirs!

      What You Can Learn to Change an Impression and Read Others

      An enormous amount of research goes into nonverbal cues, and the studies can be fascinating. But how we act upon first impressions isn’t just theoretical; it’s wisdom you can — and should — put to use every day. Consider:

      • You want to create affinity with a new customer or manager, so as you sit across the table from her, you smile as you begin talking. What else can you do nonverbally to ensure a good outcome? You will learn in chapter 5 how to use head nods differently with women versus men and torso leans to show you are interested.

      • You are speaking to a small cluster of seated people and notice that one person has one foot pointed toward you and one foot pointed away from you, one guy just moved his feet apart, another’s feet are crossed at the ankle, and both of your feet just turned toward the exit. What’s going on? What do they think of you? Do they like you? You will learn that feet are the most honest portion of the body, and how they can show whether someone feels relaxed or nervous (see page 142); when someone wants to go (see page 44); that a person is signaling interest in you (see page 228); and even that someone is attempting to deceive you (see page 38).

      • You see someone you are attracted to and keep glancing his way. What else can you do to encourage him to approach you, or to make it easier for you to approach him? You will learn about open-window-approach cues in chapter 2 and luring cues in chapter 4.

      • A vendor says she can deliver the product on time and under budget. She raises her eyebrows and shows the palms of her hands as she speaks, and she says one of her words with a lilt in her voice. Can you believe what she’s saying? You will learn about eyebrow flashes, honest palms, and vocal cues signaling honesty in chapters 2 and 3.

      • A prospective client gives you a bone-crushing handshake. What can you know about him from this? What does he think about you? You will learn in chapter 3 the secrets to handling a bone crusher and why you might feel sorry for someone who wants to crush your hand.

      • Someone asks you a difficult question. You pause and then answer in a voice two octaves higher than normal. How does that affect your credibility? In chapter 2, you will learn cues to avoid giving to others if you want to be credible.

      • You’ve had a bad morning. As you face your day and meet new people or even see, for the first time that day, people you already know, how do you guard against being influenced by your less-than-rose-colored glasses? In chapter 1 and throughout the book, you will learn about moods that affect our first impressions, and how to change your mood and the impressions you make on others.

      We’ve seen that snap impressions are quick, accurate assessments of others, and that they give powerful impressions to others. In the next chapter we’ll explore exactly how these lightning-quick ideas are formed — and the four most important factors that form them.

       2. WHAT HAPPENS IN A SNAP

Understand the Four First-Impression Factors: Credibility, Likability, Attractiveness, and Power

       Marie was nervous about a meeting with a high-level executive, Ron, at his country club. Ron raised his eyebrows and smiled from across the room, approached, and said, “Marie?” When she nodded “yes,” he tilted his head briefly and his smile grew and he continued walking toward her, with his hand outstretched, as though they were long-lost friends at a reunion, rather than a freelancer and potential client at an interview. Her tension about the meeting eased. Ron spoke warmly to Maria, as well as to the dining room hostess as she walked them to a table. He gave a friendly open greeting to their server and, once Marie was settled in her seat, turned his heart toward her and thanked her for coming to meet him. Though there were many distractions, he fully focused on her. “I like his confidence,” thought Marie. “I thought I would be scared, but I’m not.”

       Marie very much wanted the work Ron might offer her, and felt a bit out of her comfort zone before meeting him. Yet almost instantly, she relaxed and felt comfortable, even safe.

       Melissa thought she had found the perfect business partner when she met Jason. He was confident, attractive, and a great storyteller. He laughed all the time. When she first met him, and in later interactions, she felt “overwhelmed” by his СКАЧАТЬ