Snap. Patti Wood

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СКАЧАТЬ he met the dark-haired beauty, cannot trace the steps we use to process the myriad cues available to us. Rather, the cues explode around us like fireworks, or they are like floats and balloons at a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade swirling before our eyes, or for many of us they just seem to come as feelings in the gut. For this reason, we may wonder if the conclusion we’ve come to is accurate. We may discount it, saying, “Oh, it’s only a hunch.” In reality, our hunches can be amazingly accurate.

      Phillip Goldberg, in his book The Intuitive Edge, says that intuition “is the product of the mind’s capacity to do many things at once without our being aware of them.”⁶ In a snap, we can, in less than forty seconds of communication, process up to ten thousand units of nonverbal information. That’s ten thousand cues communicated between two people in less than a minute. We process that information into something valuable: an intuitive perception of the other person. The sheer volume of cues available to us helps make our first impressions reliable.

      Think about it. If we totally disregarded the nonverbal cues, we would have only a few words, or perhaps sentences, in those first moments on which to base our impression. I don’t know about you, but the words “Hello, my name is Joe” don’t tell me a lot. Then consider how quickly and accurately we use nonverbal cues. In 1992, the researchers Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal found that looking at short examples of behavior (examples lasting under thirty seconds) can lead to predictions as accurate as those based on observing behavior for up to five minutes.⁷ Snap impressions are remarkably telling.

      Forming a gut-level first impression is the first step in communicating. That impression dictates the reaction we expect to get, how we will relate to the other person, and all the other factors that affect how we form a relationship.

      Right about now you may be saying, “I never make assumptions based on first impressions. I’m more sophisticated or more fair than that. I know better than to judge on mere appearances.” Let me clarify. I’m not talking about reducing people to stereotypes based on prejudice or bigotry. I’m talking about the accuracy of your first gut-level reactions. There is a big difference. Gut-level impressions based on nonverbal cues are instinctual; prejudice and bigotry stem from learned cultural and social factors. They are part of our second-stage impressions. True gut-level first impressions are not subject to inaccuracy like stereotypes.

      Stereotypes, in fact, undermine accuracy. For instance, one dramatic aspect of this process is the way we create self-fulfilling prophecies. We assign someone specific personality traits in the first few minutes, and then, as we interact, we collect information that makes our predictions about that person seem true, ignoring information that might contradict our stereotypical impression.

      For example, a business owner interviewing contractors for a big job might see a candidate with a sweaty forehead and no smile, dressed in a gray T-shirt, coming toward him and think, “I don’t want to hire this unprofessional guy to do this work.” The business owner might not notice, however, that the contractor carries a clipboard, leans forward and nods as he listens, takes copious notes about what the business owner wants, and spends a longer time in the meeting than other potential contractors who bid for the job. All these latter cues are signs that the contractor is, in fact, being professional.

      In the coming pages, we’ll look more at factors that undermine our accuracy.

      EXERCISE

      Explore Your Snaps

      1. Think of a recent instance when you met someone and formed either a negative or a positive snap of him or her. What did this person’s body do? What was his or her voice like? Did the person’s actions match his or her words? Record or recall everything you can remember about your first few moments together and how you immediately felt in this person’s presence.

      2. Think of a time when someone formed an inaccurate first impression of you that you found out about. Perhaps it was a date who later said that he thought differently of you after spending more time with you, or a colleague who was initially biased against your joining his work group. Think back and try to recall your nonverbal behaviors at the first meeting. Were you nervous? Quiet? Tired? Stressed or insecure about anything? See if you can figure out what the other person saw when he saw you.

      3. Ask yourself, “What are my three best qualities?” How do you express these qualities nonverbally? When people first meet you, do they recognize that you possess these qualities?

      Survival Instincts

      Cavemen and cavewomen knew all about first impressions. Out hunting for food, they were vulnerable to attack by strangers. If one of our caveman ancestors suddenly spied a stranger from an unfamiliar tribe, he had to make a very quick assessment — “Does he look like he will kill me?” Yes, we can trace the ability to form accurate first impressions to our primeval origins, when we needed to protect ourselves from potentially dangerous strangers. Forming quick first impressions is one of our basic survival instincts. When our ancestor saw that stranger from an unfamiliar tribe, he had to decide quickly how to approach him or whether to approach him at all, on the strength of a first impression. In a case like this, if someone’s impression was not accurate, he — and his genes — would not survive. We are genetically predisposed to form quick, accurate first impressions.

      In modern day-to-day situations, first impressions play a critical but poorly understood role. We still need to protect ourselves, and we still fear the unknown. When we meet someone, we need to know both whether it is safe to approach and how to approach and interact. We don’t know his temperament or opinions. In a sense, we don’t know if he “bites.” So we assess him quickly. We may start by putting him in a category — safe or unsafe — and acting accordingly. This is vitally important for our comfort in a peopled world. If we could not do this, it would be too scary to leave the house, our cozy cave, at all.

      If someone comes into work harrumphing and rolling her eyes, stands in front of you with her arms crossed and mouth twisted, and growls, “Good morning,” you immediately form a first impression. For one thing, you know it’s not going to be a good morning as long as you have to deal with this unhappy person. If people at a social event are standing in a circle talking to one another, and one of them smiles as you approach and steps aside to let you in, she is indicating that you are welcome and accepted. No words are exchanged, but you understand immediately. We may take for granted our understanding of these kinds of interactions, but if our gut-level impressions are to be useful, we have to pay attention to them.

      Stay Tuned In to Your Gut Instincts

      The first time you communicate with someone, pay attention to your gut. Do you feel safe interacting with that person?

      Have you ever called a friend, heard his hello, and known something was wrong? Did you change your behavior on the basis of that gut instinct? Whenever you begin interactions with people you know, check in at the gut level. What are they communicating on this day, at this moment? Do you need to step away, talk another time, or find out what’s going on and give them comfort?

      Many years ago, I walked into a drugstore near my house and saw a tall man with a mustache wearing a well-tailored, three-piece suit and holding a thin, unlit cigar as he stood nonchalantly near the magazine racks by the entrance to the store. I froze in place, and every fiber of my being screamed out, “Danger, danger! Leave the store now!” There was something about him I didn’t trust. But I ignored that first impression. “This is a well-dressed man,” I thought. “You’re being ridiculous.” So I walked past him into the store and did my shopping. When I went up to the front counter with my items, the well-dressed man was in front of me checking out. I looked at him and my whole body seized up and sent the message “Danger! Leave now.” Again I ignored it, but I thought of something I had forgotten to pick up, and left the counter to go to the rear of the store. When СКАЧАТЬ