Earth to Hell. Kylie Chan

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СКАЧАТЬ road, and behind them stood a fountain of dragon heads squirting water. Behind the fountain was a replica of the Nine-Dragon Wall in the Forbidden City in Beijing.

      Bai Hu stepped out from under one of the supporting pillars. ‘You have all your gear?’

      I raised the shopping bags I was holding. ‘All here.’

      ‘What about your armour, Emma?’

      ‘It’s folded up in there as well.’

      ‘Good. Where’s Gold? I thought he was coming.’

      ‘He said he’s in enough trouble as it is and begged me to leave him at home. Same with Jade.’

      ‘That’s true. It’s probably a good idea to leave them at home. Gold particularly has been in trouble with the Celestial many times before.’ Bai Hu gestured with his head. ‘This way.’

      We followed the Tiger to the wall. Nobody around seemed to notice us. As we neared the wall, the white stone balustrade in front of it slid smoothly into the ground. The wall grew from two metres to nearly four metres tall, and the nine dragons on it came to life. They writhed across the wall and gathered at the middle.

      The gold dragon in the centre stuck its head out and waved its enormous fangs menacingly close to my head. ‘Is this the mortal that wishes to enter the Celestial Domain?’

      Let me handle them, the Tiger said into my head.

      ‘No need,’ I said. I unrolled the scroll and held it in front of the dragon’s face, making it jerk its head back slightly. ‘The Jade Emperor wants to see us.’

      ‘It is highly unusual for a human to be granted an audience with the Celestial One,’ the dragon huffed. ‘You are accompanied by no Retainers. How are we to know that you are worthy of such an honour?’

      ‘Cut the bullshit and let us up,’ the Tiger growled. ‘If I knew you were gonna give us this crap, I would have summoned a cloud.’

      The dragon glared at the Tiger with disdain. ‘Perhaps that would have been preferable. Then our services would not be used by a mortal.’ It spat the word.

      The Tiger grunted and took a couple of steps forward, but I raised my hand to stop him.

      ‘In this situation the mortal usually flatters the dragon’s enormous ego until the dragon is mollified and lets the mortal through,’ I said. I pulled the Murasame, still in its scabbard, from my shopping bag and waved its point in front of the dragon’s nose. ‘I don’t crawl to anybody though, so I might try the alternative tactic of whacking you with my little sword here until you let me up. Would that work?’

      A white dragon on our right sniggered and the gold dragon glared at it. Then it turned back to me and watched me appraisingly.

      ‘If you’re thinking that she doesn’t have the nerve, then I can assure you she does,’ the Tiger growled. ‘She’s even taken my head off a couple of times when she got pissed with me. She seems to like killing Celestials.’

      The dragon lowered its head to look me in the eyes. ‘You have taken the White Tiger’s head?’

      A couple more dragons stuck their heads out of the wall to look at me.

      ‘He can be a complete dick sometimes,’ I said with a shrug.

      The dragon hesitated, then threw its head back and roared with laughter. The other dragons joined it in a chorus of loud, high-pitched hissing.

      ‘Welcome, Lady Emma,’ the gold dragon said when it had regained its breath. ‘Please, walk on the clouds to a destination that you richly deserve.’

      The wall separated in the middle and a stairway of mist appeared in the gap.

      ‘Welcome to Heaven, Lady Emma,’ the gold dragon said. ‘Anyone who takes the Tiger’s head when he’s being an asshole can come on through any time.’

      ‘That would mean the Tiger never having a head at all,’ a purple dragon said, choking with laughter.

      The dragons collapsed into hysterics again, twining around each other with mirth.

      I stepped forward into the gap in the wall and put a hesitant foot onto the misty stair. It appeared to be made of thick swirling fog but was also transparent. I relaxed when I realised that it was solid. I put the sword back in my shopping bag and began to climb.

      As the Tiger came through behind me, the dragons’ heads followed him, still laughing.

      ‘A woman has finally tamed the pussycat, and she is not even his,’ one of them said.

      The Tiger grunted. ‘Let’s just get out of here,’ he said.

      ‘A collar and bell for the pussy!’ another dragon called as we proceeded up the stairs.

      At the top was an enormous gate, at least five storeys high, with massive red doors embellished with huge black metal reinforcing studs. A red wall stretched away on either side of the gate, disappearing into the clouds and seeming to go on forever.

      Kwan Yin stood at the gate waiting for us. She was in human form, but appeared ageless and wore flowing white robes that floated around her. She smiled at us, and Simone ran to her and took her hand in greeting.

      I glanced behind us. The path we stood on also disappeared into the clouds. We appeared to be floating in Heaven.

      ‘Is there anything down there?’ I asked.

      ‘Actually, no,’ Bai Hu said. ‘The Palace sits on a floating island of rock. The only way here is to ride a cloud or use a Nine-Dragon Wall.’

      ‘Where would I go if I fell off?’

      ‘Nobody knows, because nobody ever has.’

      A small door at the bottom of the gates opened. It was only about a metre and a half tall and a metre wide and fitted so neatly into the corner of the gate that it was invisible when closed. Kwan Yin moved beside us and the four of us faced it.

      An elderly man with long grey hair stepped through; the door was so small he had to stoop to fit. He wore a traditional black robe with an official’s hat; a high, square style with long extensions either side.

      ‘Don’t step on the threshold, Emma,’ Bai Hu said. ‘The raised step at the bottom of the door. Careful.’

      ‘I know,’ I said. ‘What about the seals? There’s no way I can go through them without being destroyed.’

      ‘This official is to bring them down for you.’

      The official approached, stopped about two metres away, and carefully saluted each of us in order of precedence. ‘Lady Kwan Yin. Lord Bai Hu, Lord of the West. Princess Simone. Lady Emma Donahoe, Promised of the Dark Lord of the Northern Heavens. Welcome.’

      We all saluted back.

      ‘Please, come this way. We are ready for you.’

      As we neared the gate, the official stopped and concentrated. СКАЧАТЬ