Earth to Hell. Kylie Chan

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       CHAPTER 6

      The Grand Audience Hall was massive, about a hundred metres to a side and a good fifty metres high. Enormous doors glided open before us. A set of stairs led up to them separated down the middle by a sloping ramp of marble carved with dragons. Whenever the Jade Emperor went up he floated over the marble; everybody else had to take the stairs.

      Mr Wong had vanished.

      ‘Gone off to turn into the Jade Emperor and embarrass the hell out of us,’ Simone growled. ‘I hate that he’s doing this to you, Emma.’

      ‘How about we change once we’re in his presence?’ Isaid.

      ‘That is not acceptable, Emma,’ Kwan Yin said.

      Simone and I shared a small smile.

      ‘Good. Which stairs are we supposed to use?’

      ‘The left ones.’

      Simone and I shared another small smile and headed straight for the stairs on the right. The Tiger growled something unintelligible and loped after us. Kwan Yin just floated up the stairs.

      A couple of guards appeared on either side of the huge door. Each of them wore a Tang-style red robe and carried a massive halberd, a spear with a broadsword blade on the end. Their True Forms were nearly three metres tall, and the red robes flowed around them. They had goatees, and glared fiercely at us. The one on the left’s face was black; the one on the right, red.

      ‘General Qin. General Wei,’ I said. I raised one hand. ‘Hi, guys, long time no see. How’s the family, Ah Bao?’

      ‘Hi, Emma,’ said the left-hand door god, Qin Shu Bao. ‘Everybody’s good. My Number Five Son has just been engaged to one of the Dragon King’s daughters, gorgeous purple dragon.’ He tapped the bottom of his halberd on the grey stone paving. ‘What business have you here?’

      ‘We’re here to see the Jade Emperor, mate,’ I said. ‘Let us in.’

      ‘That is not the correct formal address, Emma, and you know it,’ the Tiger said.

      ‘Too bad.’ I turned to General Qin. ‘Open up.’

      ‘In you go, pet,’ General Qin said. ‘Don’t start too quickly — we want to come in and see the fireworks.’

      ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Simone said. ‘There’ll be plenty to see, I can assure you.’

      ‘I have been looking forward to this for a very long time,’ the other door god, General Wei, said. ‘Don’t tell the Jade Emperor to go to Hell, it’s already been done.’

      ‘Don’t worry, we’ll think of something suitably outrageous,’ I said.

      ‘Excellent,’ General Qin said.

      The Tiger stopped next to Simone and looked up at her; he was so big he didn’t need to lift his head far. ‘You sure you want to do this?’

      ‘Oh, yes,’ Simone said, and we stepped through the doors into the hall.

      Massive red pillars intricately carved with phoenixes and dragons held up the roof, which towered above us. A smaller roof was set above some clerestory windows that allowed the brilliant Celestial sunshine to light up the interior of the hall. The throne at the end, with its gold silk cushions, must have been nearly ten metres wide, raised on a dais three metres above the floor.

      The way to the throne was marked by a gold carpet on the grey stone, with ornamental lanterns on either side at intervals of about two metres. A large number of Celestials had gathered on either side of the aisle, all watching us.

      Well then, let’s give them a show, Simone said.

      General Qin came in behind us to announce our presence. ‘Holy Bodhisattva Kwan Yin. Lord Bai Hu, White Tiger of the West. Princess Simone, only human daughter of the Dark Lord of the Northern Heavens. Lady Emma Donahoe, Promised of the Dark Lord, Regent in His Absence.’ He added silently, Go get’em, girls.

      ‘Don’t encourage them,’ Bai Hu whispered, a throaty rasp.

      Simone and I walked towards the throne, the ranks of silent Celestials watching us from either side. Bai Hu and Kwan Yin followed us, also silent. We both tried to appear as casual and confident as possible, but Simone’s breathing was as ragged as my own.

      Large gold screens carved with five-toed dragons stood behind the throne, and a General guarded it on one side, but I could hardly see the Jade Emperor himself, it was such a long walk.

      As we approached, he came into focus. Yep, our friendly lowly official, Mr Wong. Now he was resplendently decked out in a Tang-style wraparound robe of brilliantly gold Imperial silk embroidered with five-toed dragons, and wore an Imperial hat with a square brim and beads that hung in front of his eyes so nobody could see them.

      The guard at the Jade Emperor’s right hand was the Second Heavenly General, Er Lang. He was in True Form: a massive three-metre-high young human wearing pale green and gold armour and a war helmet. He had three eyes; his third eye was open and appeared as a lashless eye in the centre of his forehead. He held a halberd as big as those of the door gods. A black dog stood at his side, watching with disdain as we approached.

      We fell to our knees at the base of the dais and touched our foreheads to the floor. ‘Wen sui, wen sui, wen wen sui,’ we said. I nearly grimaced; imagine wishing an Immortal ten thousand times ten thousand years of life.

      We waited for the Jade Emperor to tell us to rise. He didn’t.

      We waited with our foreheads on the floor, not looking at him, but still he didn’t say a word. All I needed: a power game.

      ‘Rise,’ the Jade Emperor finally said after an uncomfortable couple of minutes, and both Simone and I pulled ourselves to our feet.

      ‘You are ordered to take True Form in the presence of the Jade Emperor,’ Er Lang said loudly.

      Neither Simone nor I said anything or moved.

      ‘Take True Form!’ Er Lang shouted.

      ‘These are our True Forms,’ I said.

      ‘Simone —’ Bai Hu began.

      ‘Shut up, Bai Hu,’ Simone said.

      There СКАЧАТЬ