Earth to Hell. Kylie Chan

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       CHAPTER 4

      Back at home, Simone shut herself in her room, still upset. I went into John’s office and sat behind the desk. I sighed, then proceeded to check the email; always a bad idea in the evening. There would be a large number of administrative matters that needed urgent attention and I’d be restless thinking about them until I could deal with them the next morning.

      One student’s mother was ill and he wanted to return to Cambodia to see her; unfortunately there was a very good chance he wouldn’t be let out of the country again to return to us. We’d have to arrange a Celestial to go with him to ensure that he could be brought back. Another student was having major difficulties with his roommate’s lifestyle — too much late night music and mayhem when he was trying to study. I forwarded the email to Lok, the building manager, with a note telling him to let the senior involved know that I really didn’t have time to handle this sort of thing. Lok would understand.

      Yes, I understand, Lok said into my head. But you still owe me a fresh cow’s heart. I have a shocking craving right now.

      ‘Tell him next time I go through the markets,’ I said.

      ‘And I told him to take some vitamins if he’s having cravings,’ the stone said.

      My food contains all the nutrients I need for a healthy and active lifestyle, Lok said. Says so right on the pack. Shame it tastes nothing like fresh, warm, bleeding flesh. So remember next time you’re in the markets! Stone, remind her! Fresh cow’s heart!

      ‘Okay, okay,’ I said. ‘I will. Oh, what about the girls? Anything show up when we rechecked them?’

      No, Lok said. They are all perfectly normal humans and their presence has had no effect on the seals here in the New Folly. Must be something else that’s weakening the seals at the Academy. A couple of Masters are looking into it.

      ‘Thanks, Lok.’

       Fresh cow’s heart! And if you happen to see a cow’s or pig’s head in a basket at one of the butcher’s stalls …

      ‘Don’t push your luck.’

      Lok didn’t reply.

      I skimmed through the rest of the emails. Problems with the Northern Heavens; the Generals were trying valiantly to keep things running, but without the Xuan Wu to provide the Centre of Power and energy source, the place was falling to pieces. All the vegetation was dying. Residents were moving out, losing us much-needed tax revenue.

      I stopped dead and gasped at an email in the midst of the administrative messages.

       To: Lady Emma Donahoe, Regent of the Northern Heavens (Probationary), Acting Grand Master, New Wudang Martial Arts Academy <[email protected]>

       From: Secretary for Underworld Affairs

       You have been granted an audience with the Jade Emperor two days hence, on 16th November at 11 am Hong Kong time to present your case regarding Leo Alexander.

       Ensure that your attire and that of your Retainers is suitable and that you present yourself at least one hour before the audience to ensure correct protocols are observed.

       It is suggested by this office that a Mortal such as yourself might consider enlisting the help of a senior Immortal well-versed in Celestial protocol before attending.

       Signed and chopped.

      ‘Only two days, Emma? You have a lot of organising to do,’ the stone said, then its voice trailed off. ‘Oh my.’

      ‘Where’s Gold?’

      ‘With Amy.’ Its voice softened. ‘They’re both in True Form and she’s carrying him over the mountains of Guilin. They’ve perched on top of the highest peak. The view must be spectacular.’ Its tone changed to one of amusement. ‘He just told me to mind my own damn business. I’ll tell him how important this is and to get back here.’

      ‘Leave them to it,’ I said. ‘Where’s Jade?’

      ‘At home watching television.’

      ‘Relay the following message for me, stone. Jade, I’ve just received an appointment to see the Jade Emperor —’

      Jade appeared in front of me. ‘How long do you have to prepare?’

      ‘How long I have to prepare is beside the point, Jade, because the minute I enter the Celestial Plane I’m dead.’

      She opened and closed her mouth a few times, then fell to sit in the visitor’s chair across from me, stricken. ‘What are we going to do?’

      ‘If I disobey an edict from the Emperor I’m as good as dead anyway. I’ll lose the Academy, and maybe even Simone.’ I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Any ideas?’

      ‘Ask them to see one of your Retainers instead, Emma,’ the stone said. ‘Jade and Gold can do the job.’

      Jade was horrified. ‘I’d prefer not to attract the attention of the Celestial, stone. Gold and I are in enough trouble as it is.’ She shook her hands in salute over the desk. ‘My Lady, I beg you, don’t make me go to Heaven in your place.’

      ‘Tell Gold it’s urgent,’ I said.

      ‘Already did, he’s on his way back,’ the stone said.

      The front doorbell rang.

      Jade hesitated, concentrating, then СКАЧАТЬ