There Once Was a Prophet from Judah. Jeff Carter

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СКАЧАТЬ was annoyed, so he said, “Fine! Eat!

      To your groans I’ll submit;

      I’ll feed you meat till it

      leaks out your nostrils. Won’t that be neat?!”

      Numbers 11:18–20

      Don’t Ignore This

      His story is found in the Torah.

      It’s something you should not ignora:

      he rebelled ‘gainst Moses,

      and that was atrocious,

      so the ground devoured old Korah.

      Numbers 16:32

      Poor Balaam

      I should like to point out that Balaam

      never, not once, did he regale ‘em

      except with the true word

      that he from Yahweh heard.

      Why do we constantly assail ‘im?

      Numbers 22:2–24:25

      Unicorns

      So I find myself somewhat forlorn

      by Bible translations which are shorn

      of that mythical beast

      found in the Middle East,

      for I believe in the unicorn.

      Numbers 23:22; 24:8; Deuteronomy 33:17; Job 39:9–10; Psalm 22:21; 29:6; 92:10; Isaiah 34:7 in the KJV.

      That’s Certainly Coitus Interrupted

      Now Phinehas was zealous of course,

      but may have used a bit too much force.

      In a moment of zeal

      with his spear of firm steel

      he skewered the two mid-intercourse.

      Numbers 25:6–8

      Zelophehad’s Daughters

      Biblical law was left incomplete

      till Zelophehad’s daughters could meet

      with Moses to request

      that their father’s bequest

      be delivered to them tout de suite.

      Numbers 27:1–11

      Deuteronomy

      Give it to a Stranger

      If, while you’re walking in nature,

      you find a carcass, this is danger.

      Don’t eat what you find dead,

      you are pure, so instead

      you should give it all to a stranger.

      Deuteronomy 14:21

      Debt Cancellation

      Christians who call for castigation

      of those pledging debt cancellation

      as part of their campaign

      are reminded again

      that it’s Jubilee realization.

      Deuteronomy 15:1

      Jubilee

      “Let’s read the Bible literally,”

      they say, “and obey it completely,

      except we will leave out

      all those verses about

      cancelling debts in the Jubilee.”

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