There Once Was a Prophet from Judah. Jeff Carter

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      to make an ark for her son Moses

      is not a good excuse

      for the continued use

      of that foul font by the rest of us.

      Exodus 2:3

      They’ll Take the Credit, but Will they Accept the Blame?

      The rulers will take credit, no doubt

      for good that happens under their clout:

      Pharaoh’s daughter sent her

      maid into the river

      then made the claim, “I drew Moses out.”

      Exodus 2:5, 10

      Slow of Speech and Tongue

      The flames in the bush were aflutter

      when Moses first heard God’s voice utter

      the command to go speak,

      but Moses said, “I’m weak

      and I st- st- st- st-. . . can’t speak well.”

      Exodus 3:2; 4:10

      First! Or Maybe not. . .

      In the time of Adam, so they say,

      people began to call on Yahweh,

      and right up to Moses,

      who wrongly supposes,

      he was first to use the name that way.

      Exodus 6:2–3; Genesis 4:26; 15:7; 27:20

      Do Not Have Sexual Relations with your Father’s Sister

      Hey, hey wait! There’s something amiss here:

      Amram married his father’s sister,

      but by Torah you can’t

      copulate with your aunt,

      even to conceive Moses, mister!

      Exodus 6:20; Leviticus 18:12

      Not Helping

      Egyptian magicians served their king

      by each of the plagues reproducing,

      snakes and blood, frogs as well

      which caused Pharaoh to yell,

      “Dammit, you guys! This isn’t helping!”

      Exodus 7:11–12, 22; 8:3

      Pull My Finger

      It is rare that the phrase is invoked,

      but when “the finger of God’s” provoked

      lice is formed up from dust,

      the law in stone is thrust,

      and demons of Beelzebub get poked.

Exodus 8:192; 31:18; Deuteronomy 9:10; Luke 11:19–20

      Yam Suph

      On this point I’d like to intercede,

      make the correction the Bible needs;

      in Hebrew it’s Yam Suph,

      but a translator’s goof

      changed the Sea to Red instead of Reeds.

      Exodus 10:19

      To Roast or To Boil?

      The priestly author insists, madam,

      that we roast and not boil the lamb,

      but Deuteronomy’s

      author quite disagrees,

      ‘boil it,’ he says, ‘roasting be damned.’

      Exodus 12:9; Deuteronomy 16:7

      The verb used in Deuteronomy 16:7 is translated in most every other instance as “boiled” but is deliberately changed by some translations to “cooked” or even “roasted” in this verse to bring it into line with the explicit prohibition on boiling the Passover lamb found in Exodus 12: 9. Meanwhile, 2 Chronicles 35: 13 sees King Josiah roasting and boiling the Passover lamb in order to keep both forms of the command, and the Greek Septuagint translation of Deuteronomy 16: 7 has both, “you shall boil and roast and eat it.”

      Flesh Pots

      Their flight to the desert was complete

      but the Hebrews had nothing to eat,

      so they wept and they cried,

      “If only we had died

      in Egypt where we had potted meat!”

      Exodus 16:3

      Maybe it’s Better not To Know

      Manna came at night, but what was it?

      No one really knows, we must admit,

      but some have suggested

      that what was ingested

      was the residue of insect spit.

      Exodus 16:14–15

      That’s What You Call an Anachronism

      Israel in Sin was hungry, you bet.

      So God fed them with manna, no sweat.

      This event they did mark,

      putting some in the Ark;

      only problem: there weren’t no Ark yet.

      Exodus 16:33–34; Exodus 37

      Like a Rolling Stone

      Rephidim’s rock, so it is written,

      followed Israel like a lost kitten;

      the rock, as would behove

      did pursue out of love

      for by Moses it had been smitten.

      Exodus 17:1–7

      This one is a little complicated to explain but here goes: СКАЧАТЬ