There Once Was a Prophet from Judah. Jeff Carter

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СКАЧАТЬ could it be that God

      used a different rod,

      and that’s why we have no baculum?

      Genesis 2:22

      I’ll give you a minute. Go ahead and look it up. . .

      Eat My Dust!

      The literalists insist we must

      take the Bible at its word, or bust,

      but it makes little sense

      to get mad and incensed

      asserting snakes actually eat dust.

      Genesis 3:14

      God Doesn’t Like Vegetarians

      Cain brought an off’ring agrarian

      while Abel came with fresh carrion.

      God chose Abe’s, of the two,

      so I think that it’s true:

      God’s biased ‘gainst vegetarians.

      Genesis 4:3–4

      Keep it in the Family

      East of Eden, to the Land of Nod,

      went the fugitive, Cain, marked by God;

      it was there that he wed

      and took his wife to bed,

      but if she’s his sis, this story’s flawed!

      Genesis 4:17

      The Song of the Sword

      Lamech said to his wives something bold,

      “I am a killer, my blood is cold,

      for I am better than Cain,

      and if I am slain

      I’ll be avenged seventy-seven fold!”

      Genesis 4:23–24

      The Origins of the Nephilim

      Now the Sons of God were observing

      Earth girls with figures that were curving;

      they decided to mate,

      an act that sealed their fate.

      God said, “Of wrath they’re now deserving.”

      Genesis 6:1–4

      Noah’s Wife

      It’s an old joke and very well known,

      I think it’s funny, it gets a groan.

      Tell me now, without strife

      the name of Noah’s wife.

      Here’s the punch line: his wife’s name was Joan.

      Genesis 6:18

      Joan of ark. . . get it? Joan of Arc. Groan.

      Noah’s Ark

      I wonder how Noah did build it,

      that ark, and how the animals fit,

      and who fed them each day

      with those great bales of hay,

      and who shoveled the elephant shit?

      Genesis 7:1–5

      Noah Was an Angry Drunk

      Now may a curse be upon Canaan

      for what his father, my son, has done;

      he saw me passed out drunk,

      naked and in full funk:

      so let him be slave to everyone.

      Genesis 9:20–25

      A Fable

      Don’t be offended by the label,

      but I think the Tower of Babel,

      as Genesis describes,

      just can’t be made to jibe

      with history. It is a fable.

      Genesis 11:1–9

      Blessing the Sons of Abraham

      When consid’ring the Arab and Jew

      it is very important that you

      recall without distress

      that the Lord God did bless

      Abram’s sons—Isaac and Ishmael too.

      Genesis 17:20; 25:11

      That’s No Excuse, Lot

      The people of Sodom were rotters,

      committed to rape and to slaughters.

      But e’en with their abuse

      there is still no excuse

      for Lot to offer up his daughters.

      Genesis 19:1–8

      Lot’s Wife

      Leaving the town, she came to a halt.

      Should we blame her and say it’s her fault?

      For curiosity

      to see atrocity

      some of us should be turned into salt.

      Genesis 19:24–26

      Biblical Kink

      Lot, after leaving Sodom and Zoar

      lived in caves with his daughters, both whores.

      The girls plied him with drink

      then, with biblical kink,

      conceived Israel’s enemies’ ancestors.

      Genesis 19:30–38

      Abraham Got Lucky

      God said to Abraham, “kill your son,

      your СКАЧАТЬ