Always in the Kitchen at Parties: Simple Tools for Instant Confidence. Leil Lowndes

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      Run around the room in your underwear and flap your arms like a demented duck.

      Shout like a crazed football fan.

      Jump up and down like a rabbit on speed.

      Laugh like a lunatic.

      Whirl around like a tornado.

      Fall back on the bed, kick your legs high in the air and shout at the top of your lungs ‘Hoo ha, Hoo ha, Hoo ha. I’m making a fool of myself. And nobody cares!’

      Ahem. Now stand up. Regain your poise. Smooth down your rumpled pants. Finish dressing. Comb your hair. Have a bite of breakfast. Kiss your spouse, kids or the dog goodbye. Now go out the door and greet the world with energy.

      Oh, there’s that nosy neighbour. Since your body, face and voice are warmed up and full of energy, it now feels natural to wave, smile and give a hearty ‘Hello there.’

      ‘Hmm,’ she thinks, ‘If she looks like a Sure, sounds like a Sure, and acts like a Sure, she must be sure of herself.’

      You think I’m kidding about this exercise? Absolutely not! Exploding your energy sky-high in the morning, then letting it settle slightly, works a lot better than trying to haul it up out of a hole.

      Naked Dancing

      When you get really good at the above, start your day by dancing naked in front of the mirror. Then try to act shy!

take the ‘cot test’ to see if you were born shy

      When the Doctor Spanked You Did You Take It Personally?

      Before continuing, you should know the origins of your individual case of shyness so you’ll know the best way to overcome it.

      Are Shys born shy? Yes, some are. Some 20 to 30 per cent of babies are born with a brain chemistry which makes them more apt to become shy.¹ But genes are not your destiny. Nor is there a ‘shy gene’. Scientists haven’t looked into a microscope and said, ‘Ah ha, there’s the little blighter, the shy gene.’

      If you were a sensitive baby (more prone to shyness), it will have shown up early. While you were busy discovering your toes and howling for your bottle, Mum and Dad could have figured out if you were the type of newborn that the shyness bug likes to feast on. Soon after they’d carried their little bundle of joy (that’s you) home, you could have had the ‘cot test’ which replicates that of Philip Zimbardo, the Stanford professor who is considered by many to be the world’s leading shyness researcher.

      Here is all Mum and Dad would have needed. One: A weird toy – maybe a creepy black rubber spider. Two: Something stinky (no, not your own full nappy. That was an everyday fragrance for you). Three: the postman, a next door neighbour, or anyone else you had never met.

      First step: Dangle the hideous toy above you. Watch your reaction.

      Second Step: Wave the stinky stuff under your tiny nose. Watch your reaction.

      Third step: Tell the stranger to say ‘Koochie koo.’ Watch your reaction.

      Zimbardo and Jerome Kagan, a Harvard professor and leading shyness researcher, brought 400 one-month-old infants into their laboratory.² They put a creepy toy in the infant’s cots, gave each a whiff of alcohol, and played a recording of a stranger’s voice for them.

      Almost a third of the babies freaked out, howling and flailing their tiny arms and legs. After their traumatic incident, they clung to a parent tightly. These are the babies who could become ‘Highly Sensitive Shys’ or ‘HSS’.

      In contrast, approximately two-thirds of the infants took it in their stride. They simply shoved the ghastly toy and stinky stuff away and smiled at the sound of the stranger’s voice.

      The researchers’ hypothesis was proven:

       Approximately one-third of babies’ body chemistry makes them extra sensitive to unfamiliar events and people, and therefore more susceptible to becoming shy. 3

       “ As a baby, our daughter was so sensitive she couldn’t stand being held by anybody but Mommy or Daddy (and sometimes even Daddy was not on her accepted list). It was a very trying time. She may have been colicky to start with, but as she grew older this sensitivity grew into what many might call ‘shy’, characterized by avoiding people’s eyes when she first met them, not talking to them and hanging behind Mom and Dad’s legs rather than socializing with people. ”

       STEVE – VANCOUVER, BC4

      Four Years Later

      For Zimbardo and Kagan, however, the experiment was far from over. Four years after the first observation, they brought their 400 little subjects back into the lab. Sure enough, most of the tots who had tested as highly sensitive showed incipient signs of shyness.

      The relentless researchers continued tracking the tykes’ progress and determined that about half of those highly sensitive babies grew into being timid teens.

      Parents, if your child seems extra-sensitive, start using SHYBUSTER 8 Don’t Baby Your Baby (see here) immediately to curtail his or her possible shyness.

SHYBUSTER 4:

       Ask Them if You Freaked Out