Always in the Kitchen at Parties: Simple Tools for Instant Confidence. Leil Lowndes
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Название: Always in the Kitchen at Parties: Simple Tools for Instant Confidence
Автор: Leil Lowndes
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Общая психология
isbn: 9780008138400
isbn:
Some people say they’ve had an epiphany at the top of a Himalayan mountain or in a temple in India. Mine was walking along the street. I was window-shopping one Saturday morning when I was a nursery school teacher in Washington DC.
At one point I spotted a fellow teacher strolling towards me. Since I found Mr Fuller quite attractive, the thought of chatting with him was terrifying. In a panic, I dashed into the doorway of the shop I was passing.
I thought I was safe until I heard his voice behind me, ‘Miss Lowndes, what are you doing here?’ I was trapped like a fly under a glass. I pivoted slowly to venture a weak ‘Hello’ and, as I was turning, I saw what kind of shop I’d taken refuge in. It was a triple-X-rated boutique of ‘adult toys’. When I finally mustered the courage to look at his face, Mr Fuller was sporting an enormous grin.
He winked at me and said, ‘Was there anything in particular you were looking for, Miss Lowndes?’ I bolted past him out the door, dashed down the street, and dove into a ‘respectable’ shop to sidestep him.
Needless to say, after that fiasco I never again made eye-contact with Mr Fuller. However, whenever we passed in the hall he’d say ‘Good morning, Miss Lowndes’ in a curiously salacious voice for a second-grade teacher.
Hearing his snide voice filled me with fury, not against Mr Fuller, but against my shyness. I declared war on it and was determined to win.
“ Whenever I avoided anyone on the street, it was a mental relief. I felt good because they didn’t see me. I said to myself, ‘OK, I won’t do it next time.’ But I always did.”
AMANDA – LONDON, ENGLAND
Getting ‘High’ on Avoidance
When ‘Socially Avoidant’ people evade someone, it is more insidious than just a mental relief. It’s not ‘just mental’, any more than taking heroin is just mental. It’s physiological. You are actually getting a ‘high’ from the physical feeling, and it’s harder to resist the next time.
For individuals with Socially Avoidant Personality, anxiety subsides following an avoidant response, thus reinforcing and escalating the avoidant response.1
Go Cold Turkey on the Small Stuff
Avoiding situations is an addictive drug. Right after, you get a mental high: Whew, I escaped that one! But it makes it all the harder because you crave that relief again and again. You dig a deeper rabbit hole that’s harder to scurry out of each time. And, like an addict, you start to hate yourself for being so weak.
Start rehab now! Go cold turkey on dodging small encounters.
“ Walking in the street and seeing someone approach from the front can be another terrifying experience. What helps is simply to greet the person in passing – a simple smile, nod of the head and a ‘Hi’ does wonders to break the awkwardness, and even builds a little confidence (‘Wow, I said “Hi” and nothing bad happened, and he/she actually smiled back!’).”
KOOS Z. – PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA
don’t expect a miracle (today at least!)
TV Show: ‘Fearful People Are Freaks’
Once while channel-surfing I got caught up in an ugly wave. I fell into one of those television talk shows, or rather circuses, where people who suffer from an assortment of afflictions are on display. This particular programme prefers people plagued with mental and/or physical disorders. The heartless host feigns compassion. He has an insatiable appetite for bizarre family relationships, strange sexual tastes and other eccentric infirmities. While tearful guests bare their souls to millions of viewers, the studio audience hoots and hollers, egging them on to even more humiliation.
‘Ralph is afraid of peaches,’ the host gleefully announces.
‘Ooh,’ the audience chants.
‘He can’t come near them.’
‘Ooh,’ the audience chants louder. Then, a basket of peaches appears on a big screen behind Ralph. The host points up at it. Ralph turns, swears (bleeped out), screams and jumps up. His 270 pounds of sheer terror races down the studio hall, followed, of course, by the camera crew.
Hysterical laughter from the audience.
Ralph, covered by three cameras, cowers in the corner backstage. At the host’s goading, the audience begins chanting, ‘Ralph come back. Ralph come back.’ Ralph, still shaking, staggers back on the set.
The crowd applauds.
While winking at the audience the host asks Ralph, ‘Why don’t you like peaches?’
‘They’re fuzzy, they’re slimy.’ Then almost inaudibly, he mutters something about a girlfriend who had peach shampoo.
At that moment, two voluptuous women bring in two big baskets of peaches.
The audience’s gleeful crescendo is ‘Uh oh, he’s in big trouble now.’ At the sight of the peaches, the spectators are treated to a repeat performance from Ralph. This time he runs through the audience. They tackle him and succeed in pulling his pants down, which only adds to the ridiculousness of the spectacle. The camera catches the rear view of Ralph crawling away from the taunting audience, on all fours, his trousers around his knees.
Ralph once again crouches in the foetal position in a corner of the studio wings. The host follows and sneers, ‘Do you know what you are now? A 6-foot tall, 270-pound man cowering in the corner?’
Mercifully for me, just then my phone rang.
Phobia Coach Cures Acrophobia to Zoophobia. Success Guaranteed. Walk-ins Welcome
When I came back 15 minutes later, Ralph was happily holding a ripe peach in his hands. With a big smile he brought it to his lips.
The camera cuts to a self-described ‘phobia life coach’ and ‘therapist’ sitting paternally beside Ralph. He explains to a gullible audience that he cured Ralph by gradual exposure and he will never fear peaches again.
The screen fades to black and advertises for a future guest: ‘Do you have a child under the age of 13 who weighs over 300 pounds and is constantly teased and tormented?’ Contact us at …