Friendship Fails of Emma Nash. Chloe Seager

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СКАЧАТЬ we weren’t. When do you mean?’ I said, unconvincingly.

      I really wanted to tell her what we’d actually been saying, but then I remembered my promise to Gracie and her pleading eyes.

      ‘Never mind.’ Steph shrugged.

      Ughhhhh. What do you do when something that means being a good friend to one person, means potentially being a bad friend to another? Obviously I share everything with Steph and I don’t want to keep stuff from her, but this isn’t my thing to share.

      It was hard, but I comforted myself with the fact that earlier on I bought her the best birthday present EVER. I got us tickets to the Women’s Premier League. I mean, I’ll probably have to stick pins in my arm to try to stay awake, but she’ll LOVE it. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I give them to her.

       posted by EditingEmma 22.04

       The New Friend Plan: Step 2

      Before Steph left, she said, ‘How are your resolutions going, by the way?’

      ‘Ah.’ I tapped my nose. ‘Funny you should mention. Only a few hours ago, I set the wheels of a brand new beautiful and everlasting friendship in motion. Just in time for the new term.’

      All this week, I’d sort of been considering putting the friend mission to one side, seeing how well things are going with Gracie. But then I remembered how exposed I felt without Steph and Faith…just for a few days. A few days. What about when Gracie isn’t available, too? What about when it’s for longer periods of time?! I feel like relying solely on three people probably isn’t that different than two.

      Plus, given that Steph and Faith are both in new relationships, and Gracie’s been making lots of new friends at her Cambridge prep study group, it seems like everyone else has their own stuff going on. And, well, I don’t.

      Now that everyone’s adding more things and more people to their lives, I think I need to as well. Steph, Faith and Gracie are sewn so deeply through the fabric of my life that I don’t even know who I am when I’m not in the context of them. I’m slightly petrified, but I think it’s probably time I try to find out.

      So, for now, I’ve decided put the Anika thing down to pure naivety. A youthful indiscretion, if you will. But now I know… if you want to be friends with someone, maybe don’t start off too intense.

      Which is why it seemed sensible to choose this next person on my list. Hannah Condom. I don’t need to do tons of research to get chatting to Hannah – her surname is all the conversation starter I will ever need! Step two of the New Friend Plan is a go.

      Emma Nash: Hi Hannah, I just wanted to say I’ve never truly appreciated before that your last name is Condom! What lolz. I wish I had a surname like that. And you’ll never forget to use one! X

      That should do it. I bet we’ll be BFFs by the end of the week.

Monday, 10 November

       posted by EditingEmma 08.32

       Back To School

      Deep joy.

       posted by EditingEmma 13.15

       I Will Never Be Friends With Hannah Condom

      Oh my God. Something horrific has happened. And it’s only my first day back at college. And it’s not even lunchtime. I kid you not, actually horrific.

      I was just getting a drink at the fountain when Steph came over to me.

      ‘Emma,’ she said. ‘Why is it going round school that you’re cyber-bullying Hannah Condom?’

      I spat water all down my top.

      ‘WHAT?!’

      ‘Apparently you made fun of her surname?’

      ‘Oh my God.’ I put my head in my hands. ‘I wasn’t making fun of it. I said I liked it!!’

      Steph smirked. ‘You like the name Condom?’

      ‘Yes!! It’s hilarious!’

      ‘Hilariously awful.’

      ‘It’s whimsical!’

      Steph’s smirk became a grin.

      ‘Oh God. You believe me, don’t you?’ I said desperately. ‘I was being sincere!’

      ‘I believe you,’ she said. ‘Because I know you’re a total weirdo. But I don’t think anyone else will.’

      Just then, I saw a bunch of girls heading my way. Hannah Condom’s friends.

      Oh God.

      They all started whispering in a huddle, then marched over to me.

      ‘Hey, what did you say to Hannah?’ one of them said.

      ‘I…’ I started.

      ‘She’s crying in the loos because of you,’ another said.

      ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry, I…’

      ‘At her last school the boys used to fill her locker up with condoms. They used to blow up condoms and write “Condom Head” on them, and leave them sitting in her chair.’

      ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, I…’

      ‘She doesn’t need that trauma again, OK?’

      ‘It wasn’t meant to be…’

      But they’d started walking off.

      ‘Tell her I’m sorry!’ I yelled at their backs.

      Then I turned to Steph, who was literally suffocating trying to hold her breath in from laughter. Once they’d reached a safe enough distance, she exploded into fits of snorting, raucous guffaws.

      ‘You…total…twat…’ she said, gasping for air.

      I sat on the floor and buried my head in my hands.

      ‘Oh God,’ I repeated. ‘Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. Steph, what am I going to do?!’

      ‘Do you…have any…classes with…her?’ she managed.

      ‘No, thank the Lord!’

      ‘Well then…’ Her lungs sounded like they were about to collapse. ‘Just avoid eye contact…for the next year and a half… and you’re golden.’

      Then I stood up, got some water in my hands from the fountain and splashed it on her. The shock seemed to calm her down.

      Anyway, СКАЧАТЬ