Friendship Fails of Emma Nash. Chloe Seager

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СКАЧАТЬ I feel like…whenever something bad happens to me, you react in a way that makes the whole thing seem worse. Like, OH MY GOD THAT’S AWFUL, and then I feel ten times worse…like you’re rubbing it in, or something.’

      She paused.

      ‘I feel like, that’s actually me being genuinely sympathetic. Because if half the things that happened to you last term had happened to me, I’d be mortified.’ She shuddered.

      I know I found my mum’s Tinder profile, had a date where literally the only five words spoken were ‘Do you want a Minstrel?’ and accidentally went out with a thirteen-year-old, but really, does she need to shudder?

      ‘See! You just did it, just then!’ I shouted.

      She sighed. ‘It looks like we’re set in our ways.’

      ‘No, come on, we can do this. Um… Maybe we could make a signal? So, you know, whenever I don’t take you seriously, or you make me feel unnecessarily weird, we could, erm…hoot like an owl?’

      She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

      I hooted like an owl.

      ‘Our signal is not going to be an owl!’ she whined.

      I kept hooting.

      ‘Stop it! What about…looking at our phone?’

      ‘Bit confusing. What if I genuinely need to look at my phone?’

      ‘OK. Blink three times?’

      ‘That’ll do, I guess,’ I conceded.

      Silence.

      ‘… I still preferred the owl, though.’

       Evidence: Friendships take just as much work as romantic relationships.

      Anyway, I feel like this was an important moment for us. For me. Instead of going away feeling like I’d chewed on Crazy Holly’s snack bag of lemons all afternoon, we’re actually ok. It just takes…effort?

      Maybe I should start making an effort with more things…Like, contouring my face. Or eating super foods.

      Then again, slow and steady and all that.

       posted by EditingEmma 16.39

       Damnit!

      Aghhh. I’m SO annoyed at myself. I said that I wasn’t going to let Leon… I mean, Oh Nameless One…affect me. But here I am, the first after-school designing session for the fashion show, and what is he doing?

      Affecting me.

      I came in to start working on a shirt (blue/green silk, buttonless, flowing) and, lo and behold, he was in the room. We made eye contact as I came in and he immediately left.

      His friend Charlie came in a minute later.

      ‘Hey, have you seen Leon?’ he asked.

      ‘He left.’

      Charlie frowned. ‘Oh. I’m sure we said to meet here. Hey, amazing material, by the way.’

      ‘Thank you,’ I said absently.

      And I shouldn’t have let it, I know, but it kind of bugged me. Because then all those familiar thoughts started creeping back in. What’s he thinking? Why did he leave the room? Was it because of me?

      How is it fair that as soon as I’ve managed to kick stalking him online, he starts getting constantly shoved in front of me IRL?

      Well, I refuse to dwell on this any longer. Maybe he left the room because it was too awkward. Maybe he left the room because he wanted a sandwich. It makes no difference to me.

Friday, 14 November

       posted by EditingEmma 11.15

      The ‘Race’ (That Apparently I’m In Without Even Entering) Was just sitting around with Gracie when she suddenly said, ‘I guess Steph’s going to win, then.’

      ‘Win what?’ I asked. Had she entered some kind of competition I didn’t know about?

      ‘You know,’ said Gracie.

      ‘No, I really don’t.’

      ‘You know.’ She raised her eyebrows.

      When I didn’t respond she sighed, and said, ‘She’s going to lose her virginity.’

      ‘I…what? How is that winning?!’

      ‘Well, she’s going to be the first one.’

      I paused, stupefied.

      ‘… Do you mean winning against all the rest of us?’

      She looked at me like I was really, really dumb.

      I blinked three times.

      ‘I’m sorry, I just refuse to believe you haven’t thought it.’

      ‘I honestly, swear to God, have never thought about it like that.’

      Gracie sighed.

      ‘All right fine you’re an oblivious loser, but you’re still a loser.’

      This is confusing to me on so many levels. Firstly:

       • Different people are ready at different times. So does my ‘race’ begin from the moment I’m ready or the moment that my best friend is ready? Surely that would be like starting off Usain Bolt about a year behind everyone else on a track and calling it fair?

       • Or is this not about being ready at all? But then does that mean you’re just supposed to do it, even if you’re not ready? Why would that be winning? Surely doing something you don’t want to do just for the sake of it is actually losing?

       • Even if someone is ready to lose their virginity, they still have to find someone else to lose their virginity with, which seems purely circumstantial to me. I can’t just order up someone I like enough, who likes me back (and I did learn this the hard way).

       • Surely this would all logically entail that people who’ve had sex are superior to people who haven’t. I’m just not sure this makes any sense. At the end of the day it’s really just a bodily function, with two people involved instead of one. Or is it the fact that someone else wants to have sex with you that makes you superior? But in that case, all we’d have to do is walk into any old seedy club and I’m sure there’d be hundreds of creepy men there willing to have sex with any one of us.

      I showed this list to Gracie. She just shrugged.

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