Legend of the Peeing briton. Павел Тюрин

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      Naturally it does not subside after the hammer blows, and with each cheer the mates increase the dosage and order heavier tools each time. This tradition stems out from a mere coincidence but not all at once. One day the chavs were short of money to order the next bottle, and they were about to break out a fight. And that’s when the kindly bar tender suggested that they could order (rent) small 50-gramm hammers with their remaining Latvian lat pees. They could use them to tap each other on their heads and that would put a beautiful, glamorous, and problem-free way to end the party. The chavs soon caught on that the effect of such blows on the dome (melon, nut, etc.) is not that different from the state induced by the expensive drinks. They began ordering drinks just to warm-up and then quickly changed drinks to hammers that got heavier with each new round. Usually at the end of their parties they were beating each other’s heads with all they had got, and sometimes the café visitors randomly got a treat, too.[48] After that the entire company, pleased by the acquaintance, crawled out to the city streets where the new adventures and the new legends awaited them.

      Computer Alternative[49]

      Thanks to Blockhead, the Freedom Monument in the capitol of Latvia became a computer game personified object. An exciting game, called ‘The Britons’ Last Season,’ designed for adults only, has appeared on-line at http://www.mildaslaiks.lv/britu-pedeja-sezona/. The game features the Freedom statue (‘Milda’, the sculpted beauty) fighting off a crowd of blockheads; something that she has never done before, and protecting herself from such unconventional impulses of the British trying to obtain their freedom. The computer game ‘The Last Britons’ Season’ is relatively simple: splashes of the British urine are aimed and Milda fights them off with her shield.

      Her actions are reinforced with the exclamations such as: ‘May all of you have prostatitis!’ or ‘Shut your fly!’ and so on. If the player fails to protect her, a picture of a jubilant, half-naked Briton appears in the end.

      The Latvian computer specialists quickly responded to the announcements that the image of blockhead will be made into a statue and are now creating their own peeing-images

      The game develops better eye vision, precision, and reaction – the boy scout’s skills. But not just these. This game helps foreigners understand the character of the local population, and to get accustomed to the local traditions, while it helps the local citizens to increase their intellectual and moral stamina.

      May Every History have its Own Museum![50]

      In connection to the ever increasing interest towards the figure of the ‘Peeing Briton’ the fans had an idea to suggest to the Riga City Council an establishment of the ‘The Peeing Museum.’ At the museum’s entrance a figure of the ‘Peeing Briton’ made according to the classical rules of art, will greet the visitors from its pedestal.

      The Museum will exhibit not only the police files, arrest records, and the results of the forensic analyses on the thirty year old Richard P. Blockhead, but his numerous imitators from abroad, too. It will feature a collection of their photographs, video recordings, records of the evidence from the witnesses, hospital release papers, media comments, tales of the similar stories in tourists’ lives and so on. Besides, there will be souvenirs by the folk artists who have responded to the visiting blockheads from England with making miniatures of Richard’s statues.

      Museum’s exhibits

      Floristics Sector. The blooming flowers in the toilet orangeries

      Another attraction of the Museum is its female Head Janitor who was born and bred to be a Minister of Culture. But as soon as the current vacancy opened, without hesitation she resigned and dedicated her life to serving the cleanliness of the floors in the temple of this contemporary idol. The hiring committee took into account not only her professional managing experience, but above all the many years of cleaning experience at the Museum of Foreign Art.

      The special area of the Museum’s exhibition reserved only for the Peeing British Club members

      Some of the exhibits of this Special area of the Museum may be shocking, so here we only reproduce the most modest examples for the fear of traumatizing the underprepared viewer. It is believed that this tap of the Head janitor’s sink is an exact replica of the ‘tap’ possessed by its English owner.

      The tour guides warn the visitors that in other rooms of the Museum the taps do not necessarily correspond to the originals of its employees

      The Museum has also created a vacancy for the full-time employee whose job it is to respond to the letters addressed to the Peeing Briton, since, it is foreseen that the avalanche of the correspondence will not die down. The letters to the ‘PB’ will have to be written in the English language and of course not in the state language at all, just like they are written to Santa Claus in Lapland. In the not so distant future Latvijas Pasts will have to start thinking on developing the special postal imprint of the Peeing Briton and the issue of the memorable stamps in order to satisfy the philatelists’ needs.

      The first postal stamp has been issued to commemorate the Museum’s opening

      The Numismatists are also delighted – they have found out that one of the minting СКАЧАТЬ