Legend of the Peeing briton. Павел Тюрин
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Название: Legend of the Peeing briton
Автор: Павел Тюрин
Жанр: Иностранные языки
isbn: 978-5-00071-403-4
isbn:
One Totally Awesome Brit-dance[66]
A new dance appeared, too, called by various names: ‘Pissrigging’ (after an unmistakable event in Riga), ‘Bridance’ in English or simply ‘Brit’ for short. The characteristic dance moves are reminiscent of the forgotten (thank God!) Lambada with some elements of break-dance. This new dance is being performed at the Club parties, and their particularly grand orgies.
When the news got out that the ‘Peeing British’ Club is organizing the international dance competition ‘Pissrigging’, the Baltic International Academy (BIA) claimed its special right to be chosen as a venue for the event among many other applicants. The thing is that BIA is the largest private HEI in the many other applicants. The thing is that BIA is the largest private HEI in the Baltic States and the countries of Northern Europe (accommodating students from 25 countries). It was founded in 1992 as a Baltic Russian Institute (abbreviated to BRI) and retained the original name until 2008.
The department of Cultural Studies keenly supported the idea of the competition, and stipulated that there could not be a better platform for the contest. Their argument was impeccable and irresistible. They see that ‘British’ is nothing else but BRI-tish, a slightly masked name of the traditional dance of the Baltic Russian Institute,[67] that the most gifted students have been performing since the day of the institute’s establishment.
Frequently at BRI disco parties a famous 1995 song by Garik Sukachev[68] can be heard blasting from the powerful speakers: ‘I will know my sweetheart by his walking, and he wears his hat like a panama’. The old song from Odessa is acquiring a new life as the students dance ‘Pissrigging’ with gusto twisting each other’s arms.
The parties at the BRI have been known for their atmosphere of informality, but after the Briton’s feat at the Freedom Monument, and the organization of the International Dance Competition at BIA ‘BRI-dance’ became a calling card, perhaps, even a brand of the Baltic Academy. In some ways, thanks to such branding the flow of applicants to this HEI from the whole of Latvia and other countries never slows. The prestige of the Academy is so high that showing its readiness to accept and nurture the talented followers of Blockhead from all over the world, they decided to start teaching in English.
Chic![69]
Some manufacturers started to put the figure of the ‘Peeing Briton’ on to the hoods of their automobiles as a decoration, similar to the figure of the running deer on the first models of the Soviet ‘Volga’. Pontiac had an effective figure of the Indian (nicknamed ‘The Chief of the Six Cylinders’). Buick and Cadillac automobiles used to have various ‘flying ladies’ screwed on to them. And, by the way, the image of the ‘Flying Lady Ellaine’ on the British Rolls-Royce was originally called the ‘Spirit of Ecstasy’. But our ‘Peeing Briton’, on the hood of the car expresses his sweeping ecstasy with a much stronger conviction, as anyone can become immediately aware.
One of the Club’s enthusiasts gave us a photograph of his antique Super Rolls-Royce that he has decorated with a silver ‘PB’ mascot. This immediately made the car look more elegant and inspired, accentuating the features and also the characteristics of her owner. The psychologists say that the original figurine on the hood of one’s car is an efficient way to demonstrate that the car’s owner has a remarkable personality.
They are Beating us![70]
Several supercilious members of the Club are not content watching Richie’s popularity, and are trying to reclaim some of his fame by replicating his outrageous feat in other cities of Europe. The outcome was pathetic: some got thrown into jails, and others got recruited by conventional religious denominations. Many were beaten and even injured, right on the places of their desperate experiment… A part of those, who have already paid their dues to the law-abiding society by being beaten, are incarcerated and persecuted by the prison guards and criminals.
This is why the administration of the Club appeals to all its members with a pleading request to discontinue such actions in the near future, anywhere but in Latvia, since it is very dangerous and may invite unwelcome consequences.
In the off-the-record interview, the Latvian policemen hid their eyes and answered that they don’t want to detain the peeing due to the unwillingness to deal with them.
The cops prefer for them to pay the fine at once and get lost!
Why is it so? What is the matter? It is not about their leniency or their grovelling before the West! The police say that since Latvia has become part of the European Union these tourists not only demand to see their lawyers, but also cite the third article of the European Convention on the Human Rights.
They bang on the doors of their cells and scream out the insults:
– Sadists!
– Savages!
– Fascists!
– the SS league!
And what does it have to do with the SS league again!? And what does it have to do with us! The detained persons threaten to appeal to the Convention’s stipulations on the abolishment of torture and other humiliating punishment. And all that would occur if they are denied a separate cell with a contemporary toilet, an air conditioner, and other comfortable amenities of their prison lives for the entire time of incarceration. Can you imagine such a thing in our jails?! Where shall we get all of that?! If any minute detail is out of order, the lawyers are more than happy to scribble appeals for the mind-blowing amounts due in compensation for the alleged moral and physical suffering. If you drag each of these tourists into jail, we will never stay out of trouble. It really is not worth it. All these compensation claims destroyed our Ministry to the point where there was no means to support the Police Academy and it had to shut down.
The Stakes of the New Inquisition[71]
British Petroleum (BP) announced that their staff were happy to learn that the name of their company is practically indistinguishable from PB, and that alone makes them closer to Blockhead. The oil refinery workers became prouder as they became aware that the oil that bursts out of the ground also symbolises the desire for freedom. And when the management of the company conceded to change the order of the letters on their trade mark from ‘BP’ to ‘PB’ they started to pump oil even with more zest as their way of showing support to their distinguished countryman. The competitors saw that as a clever marketing ploy on the part of British Petroleum, and we can hardly contest that. After all it would be foolish not to acknowledge such a coincidence.
Certainly such an effective campaign of support for Blockhead could not have gone unnoticed, and the counter reaction was to be expected. But who could have foreseen that the counter reaction would be so monstrous. In spring 2010 on the British Petroleum oil refinery platform in the Gulf of Mexico an explosion occurred and thirteen bepee-ers were killed in the peak of their prowess.
When the society accused the antipeeiers of the sabotage СКАЧАТЬ
Academic newspaper: ‘
In the original Russian text the Brit is ‘британец’ which indeed can be broken into
Garic Sukachov is a famous Russian rock singer known for his uncouth appearance and shocking behaviour.
Driving journal
Based on the materials from the police journal ‘
The Crime Herald