Fruitful hearts. Ricardo E. Facci

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СКАЧАТЬ behaviors and believe the difficulties are due to their life together.

      They take the bad mood, silence, dissatisfaction with life as a difficulty of the relationship of the couple and not as what it really is, which one of them is going through a difficult evolutionarily phase. Faced with this fact, the only attitude would be to accept this reality, and not take the behavior of the spouse as a personal attack, because it is not.

      There are many elements in common that make life difficult, but it’s worth a try to work to have a good relationship, because there are many good and beautiful things in it! A happy home is real and true, if every day against obstacles we are able to improve ourselves, to give great importance to “you are of interest to me.”

      To dialogue as a couple

      1. In our lives together do we care about the “you” or are we still in the “I”?

      2. Are there defined roles in our partnership?

      3. Faced with the crisis of the other, how do we act? Do we feel displaced, attacked, or seek to redouble love to help the other out?

      4. What do we propose to do after this dialogue?

      To pray together

      Lord Jesus,

      in our daily living

      there are many elements to overcome,

      requiring us to overcome our self

      to interest in you.

      We always want to have you with us,

      For you, help us increase our love,

      but especially for you to teach us

      to live together and thereby living as one

      and not tarnish the great love we have.

      When we discover crisis facing the other

      We recognize their need, and never think

      there is something wrong with the us.

      Jesus may our coexistence

      always be beautiful,

      even at times when we must overcome obstacles.

      Amen.

      Crises and conflicts in marriages

      “In your anger do not sin”:

      Do not let the sun go down

      while you are still angry (Eph 4:26).

      When a marriage is not happy it is discovered that the source of that unhappiness generally is that the husband and wife sidestep the reality of their relationship, namely with its crisis, its real conflicts and their real problems.

      Marriage is a relationship of love between a man and a woman. Traditionally they acted to stay together in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health ... or making that decision by relying almost exclusively on the role of parenting, “we stay together for the children”.

      But times have changed: today there is an urgent need to strengthen the interpersonal relationship between husband and wife, to counteract the great destructive currents of our time, pushing couples toward individualism, materialism, and consumerism and life without God.

      Therefore, marriages of this changing society need to focus all their attention on their marital relationship, to jointly defend and liberate themselves from the destructive powers, bravely facing their conflicts, their problems and crisis.

      When speaking of crises within a marriage sounds like something negative and bad. It is believed that the couple in crisis ends up in arguments, fights, dislikes; and therefore, must be avoided.

      On the contrary, the crisis in marriages should be seen as real opportunities to mature and grow. They are a sign of marital health. Marriages without crises are in cemeteries.

      Some say: “We have no crisis in our marriage.” Crises are inevitable; but lack of awareness or non-recognition, making the couple unable to communicate in depth, therefore, their relationship will become shallow and gradually deteriorate. If a marriage does not face his marital crisis, they are sure they will never become a happy couple.

      However, the cause of not overcoming a marital crisis is almost always due to lack of capacity to resolve conflicts in creative ways.

      When a man and a woman are attracted, they begin to become aware of their differences. It is precisely these differences that arouse attraction and mutual interest. To realize they are in love, trying to reach a deep level of intimacy and share their personal experiences. Thus, they become vulnerable to each other. Once married (and after the honeymoon) those differences become a source of disagreements, arguments and conflicts of different degrees and levels.

      Rodolfo: “It's hard to have to recognize that there are problems in our marriage that we must solve as soon as possible. It's easier to pretend to ignore or deny them.

      I like to think that if we compare to other marriages, ours is pretty good; that all is not bad.

      But it is an underhanded way to deceive ourselves, and be content with a superficial married life. Do not you think, dear? “.

      Carmen: “I agree with you, our marriage is not bad, but I feel that we are missing something. On the surface, all is well, but inside of us there are wounds ... Many times, we started talking and end up arguing. There are things that we are afraid to discuss. We prefer to hide them under the carpet before sharing. This cannot go on like this”.

      The conflict arises when marital intimacy requires the sacrifice of one's “I” for the emergence of the “we”. The conflict is a symptom that something is wrong in the marital relationship, as in the case of Carmen and Rodolfo. Facing the conflict becomes an opportunity for growth, maturity and greater marital intimacy.

      The conflict is exacerbated when spouses get angry and become furious; to fix this it will be necessary to cope bravely with the anger itself.

      Those who know human behavior say that anger is inevitable in any intimate relationship, but in a special way in the marital relationship. Anger is an instinctive, emotional, automatic self-defense reaction. Anger is a feeling. Therefore, it is neither good nor bad. Furthermore, it should not be held within, rather expressed.

      A great truth is, expressed or not, anger and fury are present in every marriage; the key is that if the couple wants to grow and mature, they must learn how to deal with their anger and their fury. One solution is to recognize the anger in oneself in an open and sincere and loving dialogue as stated by Saint Paul, do not take your anger through the night.

      To dialogue as a couple

      1. What is the status now of our marriage?

      2. What are the main disagreements and differences between the two of us?

      3. Currently, is there a crisis in our marriage? If so, how can we discover it?

      4. What we do each to overcome it?

      5. How we could and should we increase СКАЧАТЬ