Fruitful hearts. Ricardo E. Facci

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СКАЧАТЬ when one does not care about the problems of the other, nor are there the small details between the two. Just the opposite. There are many fights, screams, moodiness, lack of joy, routine in sexual intercourse, criticism of the spouse in front of third parties. In a couple where the “separation of hearts” exists, life of two is not planned and much less discussed. There begins feelings of insecurity, jealousy, suspicion, loneliness, boredom. The concept of marriage begins to lose hope, to close in a deep individualism, to place importance on other things than the spouse and children (work, money, etc.) and be more open to friendships with others than the marriage itself, resulting in many infidelity cases.

      Now, just as in medicine, it is not enough to know the symptoms, in marriage, you need to find the real cause of the “separation of hearts. The experiences dictate, and so say the experts in matrimonial life and communication, the main cause is the lack of dialogue, understanding and comprehension.

      Therefore, to prevent or cure the state of “separation of hearts” each spouse must make a real effort to get in the other's shoes to understand it, appreciate it and accept it.

      Alicia and Jose told us: “In our relationship, separation of hearts is when one of the two do not make an effort to hear what the other is saying or communicating”. Alicia adds: “This is what I usually do with Jose many times. I have to listen more and better to understand and accept how he really is.”

      Maria Angelica said to Luis: “I think that expressions such as ' my home', 'my children', 'my plans', 'my interests', 'my problems' increases the individualism within us and, thus, the separation of hearts. I'll start saying: 'our house', 'our children', 'our plans', 'our interests', 'our issues'.

      And Luis said: “I contribute to our separation of hearts, when I do not know what you think or feel. I see that you suffer and I not do my best to understand as soon as possible a deep and loving communication between the two.”

      The “be one” is a true marital challenge. It is a complete process of communication which passes through understanding and is achieved by listening and sharing.

      To dialogue as a couple

      1. Do we live as a couple who love one another or do we still have some “married singles?”

      2. Do we have “separation of hearts?” What symptoms did we discover today?

      3. Why are marriages considered “perfect and safe” and do not discover that there are areas where they can still grow?

      4. Returning to us: Which of the two is more responsible for each symptom that exists in our marriage?

      5. What do we purpose to do to improve ourselves?

      To pray together

      Lord Jesus,

      we know that we are united

      and you give us grace

      to grow in unity;

      that is why we ask you not to stop helping us

      as we need polishing, still,

      some rough edges

      that do not allow full unity.

      We have discovered some symptoms

      of separation of hearts,

      and we want to overcome them,

      precisely because they

      are found in our hearts

      we are not fully one,

      but our goal is total unity,

      Help us, Lord, to grow

      In the health of marital love.

      Amen.

      Meet the Needs of Marriage Itself

      Therefore encourage one another

      and build each other up,

      just as in fact you are doing

      (1 Thessalonians 5, 11).

      Each member of the couple has specific concrete needs. It is important that the other party knows them, and as far as possible, satisfies them. But there also exists needs of the marriage such as to seek to grow together.

      In my life experience serving marriages, I think the basic need for excellence that demand most couples is to be “one.” This is the most sublime dream of every husband and every wife. Now this desire for full unity is expressed by elements involving the unit’s needs: communication and intimacy. Moreover, as the unit does not mean to close in on itself, there is a need for openness and spirituality.

      Being “one”

      Liliana stated: “I get the impression that our marital needs are being attended to fine. We complement each other quite well, rather than competing as we did before. We feel good with what we have, rather than mourn what we do not have. You're helping to discover the good in me and inspire me to overcome the negative. Thank you for being mine, I am proud of you. “

      We said before that the unit is one of the most sublime ideals of a husband or wife for their marriage. But we must clarify that there are diverse types and stages of the unit.

      As for the latter, we know that unity is not static as opposed to disunity. But through the various stages there exists the possibility of growing in the unit, causing it to grow farther away from disunity. Thus, the unit is not a mere sentiment, but something much deeper which requires serious work to go about destroying (without losing the individuality) the “I” and to build “us.”

      With regard to the fact that the unit is not a loss of individuality and the personality of each, we see two possible types of unity, one true and one false.

      Many falsely confuse unity with uniformity. Everything conjures up the image of the same symphony. But it is not, because no symphony consists of a single note repeated throughout the entire piece. When you look at a staff you discover a piece of music that is composed of a wide variety of notes. It is true, genuine, and is compatible with the differences. And it is always realized with variety. Otherwise, what is achieved is pure uniqueness or dominion of one over the other.

      True unity is only reached by those who honestly share and walk together in the same direction: having one and only one heart; one mind and one soul. Now, how to satisfy the unity that you need in a practical way?

      To be a solid reality the unit demands a deep communication that, in turn, opens the door to a great intimacy.

      Communication

      Jorge commented: “The most important need in our marriage is our trust and mutual communication. Open up with one another to share our feelings, our sorrows and joys, our fears, and even our weaknesses. Only then can we understand and help each other“.

      Without communication, without a deep dialogue, it is impossible that couples are happy in their marriage. Communication between the two is the concrete way to grow and mature in love. But for that communication to be effective, you need to devote time to marital dialogue. We must never forget that people are more important than things. Ah! Do Not forget that the greatest enemy of communication is individualism.

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