The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison

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СКАЧАТЬ lunchpack beret has lost its charm.

      Rosie said, “I walked past Miss Stamp with two oranges and a banana stuck under my beret and she just raised her eyes. Something must be done.”

      I had a flash of total whatsit … wisdomosity. “Mes huge amis I have given this seconds of thought, and I know what the answer is.”

      They were all as agog as two gogs. Jools said, “What?”

      I brought out my gloves and beret from my rucky. “Voilà … glove animal!!”

      Rosie said, “What in the name of Slim’s gigantic knickers are you talking about?”

      Good grief. It is very tiring being the girlfriend of a Sex God and a genius at the same time.

      “Glove animal!!! A way of dressing sensibly and snugly using both beret and gloves. You pin a glove over each ear so that it hangs down like big dog ears and then you pop the beret over the top.”

      I clipped my gloves over my ears and popped the beret over the top (risking my hair’s bounceability factor).

      “Voilà glove animal!!!”

      Magnifique, I think everyone will agree.

       8:00 p.m.

      Home again. To my lovely delicious supper of … er …

      Mutti and Vati and Loonsister out AGAIN. Still. In Love Heaven you are never really alone.

      Angus is tied up to the kitchen table leg. I gave him a hug to cheer him up and he lashed out at me. Also I notice that he has a pair of Vati’s Y-fronts in his basket. Good grief. He has gone beyond sheer desperadoes. He is really sad without Naomi, I know how he feels, every minute without the Sex God seems about sixty seconds long.

       9:10 p.m.

      OOOhhhhh. If the SG was here now we could practise our ear snogging skills.

       11:30 p.m.

      Halloween tomorrow.

      It’s impossible to sleep in my bed with Libby’s turnip lantern in here.

      I suppose I should be pleased she hasn’t insisted on having her witch’s broom and…

      “Libby, no not the broom and…”

      “Move over, bad boy.”

      Sunday October 31st

      Halloween 10:30 a.m.

      I immediately annoyed Dad this morning by pretending that he was wearing a scary Halloween costume. In fact his leisure slacks and Marks & Spencer’s cardigan ARE very scary but he didn’t get it.

      Libby is in toddler heaven because some of her little mates from kindy are coming across this afty for apple bobbing and lanterns and stuff.

       11:00 a.m.

      In a rare moment of sanity Vati has been over to see Mr and Mrs Across the Road and pleaded for Angus’s manhood. He was all pleased with himself when he came back.

      “I thought I’d take a look at that garden fence, Connie, see if we can keep Angus in a bit more. Then he might not have to have his biscuits nibbled.”

      Biscuits nibbled? What planet does he live on?

      He started rooting around in the toolbox. I wish he would get a job and then he wouldn’t be interested in DIY any more.

      Mum said, “Bob, I beg you, please get someone competent to do the fence. You’re only just back on your feet again.”

      Vati got all Daddish.

      “Connie, I can fix a fence, you know.”

      We laughed. I helped Mum out: “Dad, there was the unfortunate leg through the ceiling incident when you last went into the loft.”

      “There was a weakness in the roof.”

      “Yeah, Dad, that was you.”

      “Don’t be so bloody cheeky.”

      I am not wrong though. The electrician who came to look at the fridge that blew up after Dad has “fixed it” accused Dad of being a madman.

      And the shed fell down on Uncle Eddie.

      But grown-ups will never be told anything until it is too late. That is the sadnosity of grown-ups.

      As Vati went into the cupboard under the stairs Mum looked at me, but what was I supposed to do? It’s her husband, she should stop him. He came out of the cupboard with a hammer and a saw. I said, “Well, probably catch up with you later in casualty then, Dad.”

      He swore in a very unpleasant way.

      Actually, Mum is probably hoping he will injure himself. She hasn’t had any excuse to go see gorgeous Dr Clooney for a week or so. Libby can’t have any more vaccinations – she’s practically a pin-cushion as it is – and I am not going to sustain any more sports injuries to help her out.

      As I was just going to escape through the door Vati put his foot down with a firm hand.

      “Georgia, make yourself useful. Take Angus out on his lead. Get him out from under my feet.”

      I put Angus’s lead on him while he playfully bit my shins. He’s mad for fun. We reached the bottom of the hill in about two seconds flat because he caught wind of a tiny little Pekinese. The owner had to take refuge in a shop.

       2:00 p.m.

      Dad has built a hilarious fence. It’s sort of leany and falling-downy at the same time. It is supposed to keep Angus away from Naomi but when Dad was hammering in the final nail he said, “Yes, well, that should keep him safely in!” and the whole fence fell over … And Angus just walked straight over the fence into Next Door’s garden.

       3:00 p.m.

      Vati is having to pretend to be normal because Libby’s kindy mates have arrived. Libby’s an awfully rough hostess. When Millie and Oscar were bobbing for apples she “helped” them by banging them on the heads with her pumpkin lantern. Oscar couldn’t walk straight for ages and Millie wanted to go home. Well, actually, all of the children wanted to go home.

      I said to Mutti, “Why does she think that smiling like that at people is normal?”

       5:30 СКАЧАТЬ