The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison

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СКАЧАТЬ style="font-size:15px;">      9. below waist activity (b.w.a.)

      10. the full monty

      Friday October 29th

      11:10 a.m.

      Dreamed of Robbie feeding me chocolate sandwiches. Which was really cool. But then he started nibbling my ears in a sort of peckish way and he nibbled them both off. Then for some reason we were in the South of France at some big gig and it was really sunny and I got my shades out to put on and they just fell off because I had no ears to balance them on.

      I don’t know what this means. It means I am feverish with love.

      Very nippy noodles again. Brrrr. Oh, it’s snowed during the night, that’s why.

      When I got out of bed and stood in the cold air my nipples did that sticking out thing again. On the whole I seem to have very little control over my body.

      Still, so what!!!

       6:00 p.m.

      Spent the day in a love haze punctuated by rescuing bits of my underwear from Angus’s basket. He is in an awful mood. He climbed up the curtains like a Tyrolean mountaineer in a furry suit. I don’t know why.

       Waching TV 9:00 p.m.

      It’s a programme called “Changing Rooms” where some sadists go into some other people’s home and change their living room into a water feature. With the aid of bubble-wrap. What amazes me is that there is no violence.

       9:10 p.m.

      Phone rang. OhmyGod. I almost ripped it off the wall.

      It was Rosie checking arrangements for tomorrow.

      I could hardly hear her because there was such loud music in the background. She said, “Greetings, earth creature … SVEN!!!!! You adorable Norwegian fool, turn the music down!!”

      I heard laughing and stamping and then the music went quieter. Rosie said, “Jas said you did ear snogging yesterday.”

      Oh thank you, Radio Jas.

      Saturday October 30th

      10:30 a.m.

      Phoned Jas for gang discussion. Where we should all meet today and so on.

      When she answered I came over a bit French. (Because I am in Le Luurve Heaven.)

      “Bonjour, Jas, it is moi, ta grande amie.”

      “Ah, bonjour.”

      “Ah d’accord, I have just manged my breakfast, I manged the delicieusement toast and le coffee de Monsieur Nescafé.”

       “Magnifique.”

       “De rigeur.”

      We are meeting at gang headquarters (Luigi’s café) at one o’clock and then going on for a bit of heavy make-up trying-on in Boots, etc. I have only got a measly five pounds to spend. I hope Dad manages to persuade some poor fool to give him a job soon because I am running out of lip gloss.

       11:00 a.m.

      Bloody hell. You take your life in your hands going into the kitchen for a snack. Angus is in there and he is not pleased. I had to fend him off with a frying pan to get into the fridge.

      Still, lalalalalala.

      Midday

      Still in a European mood I dressed French casual (same as sports casual – black Capri trousers, black roll-neck top, ankle boots – but with a lot more eyeliner).

      In fact, the combination of Frenchosity and my snogging extravaganza made me come over all forgiving and relaxed. I even waved to Mr Next Door as I went down the road. Typically he just tutted. But hey ho, tut on, Fatty, nothing can spoil my mood. Mr Next Door was wearing an extraordinary pair of trousers; they seemed to start under his armpits and be made out of elephant. He was “armed” with a hoe.

      He said, “I hope you are keeping that wild animal under lock and key. It’s about time something was done with it.”

      Nobody can take a joke around here. All right, Mr Across the Road does have a point in that Angus did abscond with Naomi, but what does Old Elephant Trousers have to complain about?

      What they both fail to see are Angus’s very good qualities. He has many attractive cat qualities. For instance he has EXCELLENT balance. Only last month he herded Snowy and Whitey, Mr Next Door’s prat poodles, into the manure heap and then leaped down from the wall and had a ride around on Snowy’s back. Like Snowy was a little horsey.

      How many cats can do that?

       12:30 p.m.

      When I was waiting at the bus stop for a bus to town two blokes in cars hooted their horns at me (oo-er). I really have become a babe magnet.

      Then along came Mark Big Gob who I unfortunately made the mistake of going out with in my youth. Well, ten months ago, anyway. He was messing about with his rough mates, waiting for the bus. No sign of his midget girlfriend; perhaps he had mislaid her?

      His mouth is sooo big; how could I have snogged him? And he rested his hand on my basooma. Still, let bygones be bygones. My basoomas were out of his hands now. I was after all the girlfriend of a Sex God and Mark was the boyfriend of some toddler. I smiled kindly at him and that is when he said to his mates, “You don’t get many of those to the pound.” And he meant my nunga-nungas! And all his mates laughed.

      I stood there in a dignity-at-all-times sort of way, until the bus came. I sat as far away from the BG and his rough mates as I could.

       12:45 p.m.

      It was a relief to get off the bus. As I got off I had to go past Mark and his mates. I made sure my nungas were not making a guest appearance by hunching my shoulders over.

       12:50 p.m.

      I’ve just seen a reflection of myself in a shop window looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame in a mini skirt.

       1:00 p.m.

      In the café I met up with Rosie, Ellen, Mabs, Jools and Jas. Yesssssssssss! The Ace Gang together again!! The girls are back in town, the girls are back in town!!! СКАЧАТЬ