The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison

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СКАЧАТЬ of their own bedrooms. Some of them were so fat!! I flicked through the pages to the centrefold. And the centrefold was ELVIS and MRS ELVIS!!!! In the NUDDY-PANTS!!!! I couldn’t believe it. Elvis in the nuddy-pants. Elvis was standing by the kettle in the nuddy-pants, pretending to make a cup of tea and Mrs Elvis was doing the washing-up in the nuddy-pants!!!

      I took the mag with me and passed it around the whole class. We were laughing for the whole afternoon, someone only had to say, “Fancy a cup of tea, my dear?” and we’d be off again. Ooohhhhh, it made my stomach really hurt with laughing.

      Elvis knows someone has got his mag but he can’t say anything. If I see him I just let my eyes drift down to his trousers...

      Saturday July 17th

      12:00 p.m.

      Joy joy, double bubble joy. Hadihahahaha. Robbie has just phoned me. He has found Angus!! Robbie had been out searching for him and he heard all these dogs barking so he went to see what they were barking at. And it was Angus, tied up. Some people had found him, he had a bad paw so they had bandaged it up and tied him up until they found his owners. They had put up notices but I hadn’t seen them.

      Robbie said the people were bloody glad to get rid of him as he had already eaten two doormats and a clothesline. They were lucky they got off so lightly.

      Anyway, Robbie is going to bring him round to me at five o’clock.

      1:00 p.m.

      Mum’s out and I am determined to make Robbie realise that I’m a great deal older than I was fifteen days ago. I haven’t any money and Mum has selfishly taken her purse with her, but I HAVE A PLAN.

      2:00 p.m.

      There is some peroxide that Gran uses to clean her dentures when she comes to stay. It’s kept in the bathroom cupboard and I’m going to use it to bleach a really sophisticated streak of blonde in my hair at the front.

      2:30 p.m.

      I’ve put it on, I wonder how long you have to leave it? It’s stinging my scalp so that must be a good sign.

      3:30 p.m.

      It’s gone a sort of orange colour! Oh bloody hell, I’ll have to put some more on.

      4:15 p.m.

      Now it’s gone sort of bright yellow. I look like a canary.

      5:00 p.m.

      Thank goodness it’s gone white. I think it looks quite good. It feels a bit stiff, though. Oh well, it’ll soften up in time. I think it makes me look at least four years older.

      5:30 p.m.

      Robbie here with Angus. I was so pleased to see him I tried to give him a cuddle but he lashed out at me and was hissing until I gave him a rabbit leg. Then he started purring. (Angus, not Robbie.)

      Robbie noticed my hair when I stood up. He was obviously impressed because he said, “Er – you’ve got a white streak in your hair.”

      I said, “Oh yes, do you like it?”

      There was a bit of a silence between us. I was thinking, Go on, kiss me, kiss me! But he said, “Look, this is not easy for me, I think I should go now.”

      I said, “Thank you for Angus.”

      He said, “Oh, that’s OK, I knew you liked him and the scratches will heal in time and I should be able to replace the trousers.”

      As he was leaving I had one final go to make him see that I was mature and sophisticated beyond my years. I flicked my hair back like they do in movies and then I made the mistake of running my fingers through my hair. The white streak snapped off in my hand. I was just left holding it there, in my hand. Robbie looked amazed. He looked at the hunk of hair in my hand and then he looked at me and then he started laughing. He said, “God you’re weird,” and then he kissed me. (I shoved the hunk of hair on the sofa and Angus pounced on it – he must have thought it was a hamster or something.)

      After a bit of number six kissing Robbie said, “Well, look, let’s take it easy and start seeing each other, shall we... see how it goes, maybe keep it a bit quiet from people at first?”

      So all is well that ends well. I am now nearly Robbie’s girlfriend, hahahaha. Summer love, summer love!!!

      The end

      9:00 p.m.

      Mum came in. “Right, we’re all set – I’ve got them!!”

      I said ( in a sort of romantic daze), “What have you got, Mutti?”

      “I’ve got the tickets for us!”

      “Tickets for what?”

      “Tickets for New Zealand. When you said you wanted to go I went and booked them. Dad paid for them and we’re off to Whangamata next week.”

      Sacré bloody bleu and merde!!!

      

      airing cupboard • This is a cupboard over the top of the hot-water heater in a house. It is used for keeping towels and sheets warm on cold winter nights. Er, at least that’s what it’s used for in normal people’s houses.

      “Agadoo” • The worst song ever written. It won the Eurovision Song Contest, which is a competition for the worst songs ever written. That is all I have to say. Oh, and grown-ups think it is a “laugh” to sing it when they are drunk. It isn’t. (It goes “Aga doo doo doo, Aga doo doo doo” for twenty hours.)

      agony aunt • A woman in a magazine who gives you advice if you are a sad person with no one else to talk to. For instance, Jas might write, “Dear Agony Aunt, My friend Georgia is so much better-looking, cleverer and all-round more brilliant that I feel inadequate. What should I do?” And the agony aunt would write back, “Kill yourself.” (Not really, that last bit is a joke.)

      bangers • Firecrackers. Fireworks that just explode with a big bang. That’s it. No pretty whooshing or stars or rocketing up into the sky. Bangers just bang. Boy fireworks. Boys are truly weird.

      Borstal • A sort of young person’s prison for naughty boys.

      catsuit • An all-in-one suit thing with trousers and a zipper up the front. Usually evening wear. It is supposed to be sexy, and perhaps it is, but try getting out of one quickly if you have to pay an emergency lavatory call. Like a grown-up version of a romper suit.

      Crazy Colour • Hair colour that you paint on your hair and that can be washed out. (Crazy because it is blue or purple or red or green.)

      deely bopper • Like antenna things with tiny balls on the end that you wear on your head. Popular with five-year-olds.

      Denise Van Outen СКАЧАТЬ