The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Ellen Fein

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СКАЧАТЬ don’t be too heavy. But don’t be funny if he’s serious. Just go with the flow.

      Needless to say, there will be moments on a date when neither of you has anything to say. Don’t feel the need to fill in these silences. You’ll end up saying something stupid and forced. Sometimes men just want to drive in silence without saying a word. Let them. Maybe he’s thinking about how he’s going to propose to you one day. Don’t ruin his concentration.

      Don’t feel you have to be entertaining or have interesting conversation all the time. He will think you are trying too hard. Just be there! Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say.

      If anything, men should be the ones scrambling their brains to come up with clever lines, asking you a lot of questions, and wondering whether or not they’re keeping you interested. Besides, most men find chatty women annoying. We know one man who stopped calling a woman he was physically attracted to because she simply didn’t stop talking. Don’t be like that. As a woman, you probably like to talk, especially about the relationship, but you must hold your tongue. Wait until the date is over and then you can call ten girlfriends and analyse the date for hours.

      On the date itself, be quiet and reserved. He’ll wonder what you’re thinking, if you like him, and if he’s making a good impression. He’ll think you’re interesting and mysterious, unlike many of the women he’s dated. Don’t you want him to think about you like that?

Rule 4 Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date

      Men love a challenge – that’s why they play sports, fight wars and raid corporations. The worst thing you can do is make it easy for them. When a man is trying to set up a date to meet you, don’t say, ‘Actually, I’m going to be in your area anyway’; don’t offer the names of restaurants between your place and his, unless he asks. Don’t say much at all. Let him do all the thinking, the talking, let him flip through the Yellow Pages or magazine listings and call a couple of friends for suggestions to come up with a place convenient for you. Men really feel good when they work hard to see you. Don’t take that away from them.

      The Rule is that men are supposed to rearrange their schedules around you, pursue you, take cabs and trains to see you. For example, on their second date, Charles drove forty miles out of his way to see Michele because she was spending the weekend at her mother’s. Most girls would have left their mums in the lurch so that their date wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced. But Michele was schooled in The Rules and knew the right thing to do. The extra miles only made Charles more determined to see her.

      Friends and colleagues meet halfway. Men (real men) pick up women at their homes or offices for dates. Always make the place convenient for you. We don’t care where you live.

      Invariably, we find that men who insist that their dates meet them halfway or (worse) on their own turf, turn out to be turds – inconsiderate, uncompromising and even miserly. Jane recalls that after cabbing across town to meet Steve (a blind date) at his favourite brunch place, he suggested they split the bill.

      Jane, a truly nice person, agreed that it was only fair to pay her share. After all, she made a considerable amount of money as a lawyer and felt it would be ‘unfair’ for Steve to ‘absorb’ the entire cost of the date. Why should he have to pick up the whole tab? That was very nice of Jane, but we assure you that had she insisted that they meet at a place near her, perhaps just for a drink (especially if she didn’t feel right spending his money), Steve would have treated her like a princess, not a co-worker. But since Jane made everything so easy for him, he didn’t treat her well, lost interest, and eventually stopped calling.

      It’s not that women aren’t capable of taking public transport and paying for themselves. It’s just chivalrous, hence The Rules, for men to pick up their dates and pick up the bills. Equality and Dutch treat are fine in the workplace, but not in the romantic playing field. Love is easy when the man pursues the woman and pays for the woman most of the time. He feels that the money he spends on the food, the movie and the cabs is the price of being with you and it’s worth every penny. You should feel honoured, happy, not guilty.

      But if part of you feels uncomfortable about him paying for everything, offer to leave a tip or, if the night is a long one – say dinner, a show and three cab rides or parking pay for something small along the way. But don’t pay for anything on the first three dates. Later on, you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap. If he’s on a tight budget or is a student and you’re worried about him spending tuition money, still don’t split the bill. Instead, suggest inexpensive places to eat and have a hamburger. Don’t order appetisers or more than one drink. There’s always pizza or Chinese food. Suggest movies, museums and cheap outdoor concerts.

      It’s nice of you to care about his finances, but remember that he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out. Why deprive him of the joy of feeling chivalrous? Actually, the best way you can repay him is by being appreciative. Say thank you and please. Don’t criticize the place or the food or the service, even if they are plain awful. Be positive. Look for the good in everything. We know one man who became even more enamoured of a girl on their second date because she didn’t complain one word when he couldn’t remember where he parked at a football game. For the whole hour during which they pounded the pavement looking for his car, he kept thinking, ‘What a great girl!’

      Many things can go wrong on a date, especially when a guy is so eager to impress you that he ends up making more mistakes – locking his keys in the car, forgetting the theatre tickets and so on. Never use these blunders to make him feel bad. Instead, see all the effort and expense he is putting into the date. Being a good sport could make the difference between being just another date and his future wife.

Rule 5 Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls

      If you are following The Rules religiously, there is no reason to call him. He should be calling you, and calling you again and again until he pins you down for a date.

      To call men is to pursue them, which is totally against The Rules. They will immediately know that you like them and possibly lose interest! Another reason not to call men is so you don’t catch them in the middle of something watching a football game, paying bills, entertaining a friend or even sleeping – when they may not be in the mood to talk to you. Why take a chance?

      Invariably, when you call him, he will get off the phone first or quickly and you might misinterpret his busyness as disinterest. You may even think that he’s with another woman! Understandably, you feel empty and nervous for the rest of the day or evening or until you hear from him again. This nervousness might make you call him again to ask, ‘Is everything okay?’ or ‘Do you still love me? Miss me?’ And, you end up breaking more rules!

      So, if you don’t want a man to know how much you like him, or that you feel empty and insecure, don’t call him. If he leaves a message on your machine to return his call, try not to. Only call him back right away if it’s a scheduling change regarding an upcoming date or event, not just to chat.

      Not calling will leave him desiring you more, make him want to see you again and call you again. It prevents him from getting to know all about you much too quickly and getting bored. Besides, when you call only once in a while, it becomes special.

      Don’t worry about seeming rude. When he loves you or wants to get in touch with you badly, he won’t think СКАЧАТЬ