The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Ellen Fein

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       1 The History of The Rules

      No one seems to remember exactly how The Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie’s grandmother who made men wait nervously in her parents’ front room in a small suburb of Michigan. Back then, they called it ‘playing hard to get’. Whatever you call it, she had more marriage proposals than shoes. Grandma passed on her know-how to Melanie’s mother, who passed it on to Melanie. It had been a family treasure for nearly a century. But when Melanie got married in 1981, she freely offered this old-fashioned advice to her single college friends and co-workers, like us.

      At first, Melanie whispered The Rules. After all, modern women aren’t to talk loudly about wanting to get married. We had grown up dreaming about being the president of a company, not the wife of the president. So, we quietly passed The Rules on from friend to friend, somewhat embarrassed because they seemed so, well, 50s. Still, we had to face it: as much as we loved being powerful in business, for most of us, that just wasn’t enough. Like our mothers and grandmothers before us, we also wanted husbands who would be our best friends. Deep inside, if the truth be told, we really wanted to get married – the romance, the gown, the flowers, the presents, the honeymoon – the whole package. We didn’t want to give up our liberation, but neither did we want to come home to empty flats. Who said we couldn’t have it all?

      If you think The Rules are crazy, don’t worry, so did we. But after much heartache we came to believe that The Rules aren’t immoral or outlandish, just a simple working set of behaviours and reactions that, when followed, invariably serve to make most women irresistible to desirable men. Why not admit it? We needed The Rules! Women today simply have not been schooled in the basics – The Rules of finding a husband or at least being very popular with men.

      Soon, we got bolder and began to talk louder. These Rules – they worked!

      At first, we were uncomfortable with some of the premises which seemed to fly in the face of everything we’d been taught about male-female relations; but – there was no getting around it – success talked. We swallowed some of our preconceived theories, followed The Rules faithfully and watched as so many of us got married (along with being career women or whatever else we were).

      There we were – a secret underground, sharing the magic, passing it on, doing what historically women have done for each other since the world began – networking for success. This time, though, the stakes were larger and the victories sweeter than any corporate deal. We’re talking marriage here – real, lasting marriage, not just loveless mergers – the result of doing The Rules. The simple Rules. The How-to-Find-a-Great-Husband Rules.

      For years, we had been sharing them with the women we knew, both at home and at work. For years, women had been calling us to check up on points: ‘Did you say that you have to end the date first or he does? I forget.’

      Then one night, during a Chinese dinner with a few of our single friends, we heard Cindy mention something about these … er, Rules … that she’d heard about from a friend in California. We knew it! There could be no mistake. These were the same Rules one of us had followed in New York to find her wonderful husband. The Rules had crisscrossed the country, bouncing from woman to woman, from suburb to city, until here they came right back to us over egg rolls in Manhattan!

      But – and here’s the catch – Cindy got them wrong!

      ‘The Rule says men have to end the date first so that they’re in charge,’ said Cindy.

      ‘No, no, no, WRONG. The Rule is you end the date first so that you leave him wanting you more,’ we explained.

      It was then that we decided to write The Rules down so that there would be no mistakes.