The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Ellen Fein

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СКАЧАТЬ down. When Cindy tried this tactic, her boyfriend ended up calling so many times that day that he activated her answering machine. (Some machines will automatically turn on after fourteen rings. Can you imagine him letting it ring fourteen times?!) When he finally got her on the phone that night, he possessively asked, ‘Where have you been? I wanted to take you for a drive in the country.’ It’s good when men get upset; it means they care about you. If they’re not angry, they’re indifferent, and if they’re indifferent, they’ve got one foot out the door. Getting off the phone after a few minutes is not easy, but it works.

      Our friend Kate felt that she was ‘losing’ Jeff, her boyfriend of three months, when after a Saturday night date he said good-bye very casually and told her, ‘I’ll call you. I’ll let you know what’s a good night for me next week’. Kate felt the tables turning and took an extreme but necessary Rules action. She didn’t answer her phone the night he usually called. She just listened to it ring and ring. When he finally reached her the next day at work, he was a little less cocky and somewhat nervous. He asked her what night would be good for her! The phone strategy worked – he never pulled another stunt like that again.

      Here’s another phone tip: if you’re home on a Friday night because you’re tired or don’t have a date, leave the answering machine on or have your mum or roommate say you’re not home. That way, if by some chance he calls you on a Friday night because he’s not doing anything either, he’ll think you’re not home. The worst thing you can do is give him the impression that you aren’t busy and sought after by other men. Don’t let him think that you ‘re a couch potato, even if you are. Don’t think playing games is bad. Sometimes game playing is good. Men like to think that they are getting a catch. Show him that you have a full life, that you are independent.

      On any other night when he calls and you pick up the phone, don’t feel you have to tell him exactly what you are doing. After a few minutes, just say you’re busy (nicely) and can’t talk anymore. You won’t be lying because sometimes you are busy – doing the laundry; just don’t tell him you’re doing the laundry. Never let him think, even if it’s true, that you are home thinking about him and making the wedding guest list. Men love the seemingly unattainable girl!

      Lest you think this advice is old-fashioned, remind yourself that you are a very fulfilled person – stable, functional and happy – with a career, friends and hobbies, and that you are perfectly capable of living with or without him. You are not an empty vessel waiting for him to fill you up, support you or give you a life. You are alive and enthusiastic, engaged in work and in living fully on your own. Men like women who are their own person, not needy leeches waiting to be rescued. The Rules are not about being rescued!

      In fact, the biggest mistake a woman can make when she meets a man she wants to marry is to make him the centre of her life. She may jeopardize her job by daydreaming at her desk about Prince Charming, rather than rolling up her sleeves and working. All she thinks about and talks about is him. She bores her girlfriends to death with details about every date. She is constantly looking for ties to buy him or clipping newspaper articles that he would find interesting. Not only is such behaviour unhealthy, but also it’s the surest way to lose him.

      First of all, he may be overwhelmed by all the attention. Second, he may never propose. And third, he may never rescue you emotionally and financially in the way you think. Even if he marries you, he may always have that night out with the boys, his hobbies or that Sunday morning basketball game. And he may want a working wife. So better get used to the idea now that you must have a life of your own – a job, interests, hobbies, friends that you can fill up on in between dates and even when you are married. The worst thing you can do when dating is to expect him to be your entertainment director. Don’t call him just because you’re bored or want attention. Be happy and busy. He should always be catching you coming or going.

      We hear again and again about women whose worlds shrink when they meet Mr Right. When you meet Mr Right is precisely the time to take up tennis, get an MBA or go on that camping trip with your friends.

Rule 7 If He Doesn’t Call, He’s Not That Interested. Period!

      We know this is hard to accept. We’ve heard it all – every rationalization imaginable used to avoid having to confront this unpleasant truth: he said he was going to call at the end of the last date, but didn’t. Now you’re sure it’s because you didn’t smile or talk enough, or you talked too much. You didn’t thank him for dinner. You ordered the most expensive dish and now he thinks you’re after his money.

      Or he hasn’t called because he’s busy, or he’s going through something with his father or ex-wife. Business is rough and that’s why he hasn’t called.

      He thought you didn’t have a good time on the last date, so he didn’t call.

      He hasn’t called because he lost your number.

      We can come up with 100 reasons why a man didn’t call. But the bottom line is, if he hasn’t called, he’s not that interested.

      We’re not saying he doesn’t like you or that you didn’t have a great date or that you’re not on his mind sometimes, but if he hasn’t actually dialled your number, how interested can he be?

      If you have to call him to remind him you exist, something is wrong. Then, if you pursue him and he ever marries you, you’ll have to remind him it’s your birthday or your wedding anniversary or call him at work to get his attention. You might have to initiate sex and holidays. You’ll always have to be the one to call the travel agent because he may think about holidays, but he never gets around to calling. Things are the way they are! This is not the kind of relationship a Rules girl wants to get involved in.

      So don’t waste time analysing what you may have done to discourage him from calling. Let it go. No matter what the reason, if he doesn’t call, it’s next!

Rule 8 Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date After Wednesday

      It’s quite common these days for men to ask women out for the same night or the very next day. And it’s equally common for women to accept such casual, last-minute invitations out of fear that it will be the best offer they get that week. But this is not a Rules date. The man who eventually wants to marry you will not wait until the last minute to ask you out. On the contrary, he is kind, considerate, thoughtful and also afraid that if he doesn’t pin you down five days in advance, he may not see you for another week. And when he is in love with you, a week will feel like eternity!

      Needless to say, men don’t always know they shouldn’t be calling you on Thursday or Friday night for a Saturday night date. Other women have spoiled them by accepting last-minute offers. As we’ve stated, ideally he should ask you out at the end of your last date or call you as early as Monday or Tuesday for the next Saturday night. The Rules will make you foremost on his mind, the first thing he thinks about in the morning. And if you are always on his mind, he won’t want to wait until Thursday to call you.

      It may be a telltale sign of how a man feels about you if he doesn’t call you early in the week. The best way to encourage him to phone sooner is to turn him down when he calls on Thursday for Saturday night. Hopefully, he will get the hint. This is not a game. It is essential that men ask you out early in the week because, as a Rules woman, you simply can’t put your life on hold until Thursday or Friday! You have friends and lots of things to do. You need to know ahead of time if you’re going to have a date Saturday night or go to the movies СКАЧАТЬ