The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Ellen Fein

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СКАЧАТЬ asking your mother if he called. Basically, you’re living on the edge. Rules girls don’t live on the edge. They have plans.

      If he hasn’t called by Wednesday night, make other plans for the weekend. Then you must politely decline if he calls Thursday and nonchalantly asks, ‘Hey, pet, what are you doing Saturday night?’

      Practise the following answer in the nicest voice possible: ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, but I’ve already made plans.’ Don’t break down and go out with him even though you’d much rather do that than hang out with the girls or go out with another man you don’t like as much. And don’t counteroffer by saying, ‘But I’m free Monday.’ Men have to ask you out without your help. But don’t reprimand him for calling so late in the week. Be very nice, but very firm when you say no. Also, don’t say what your plans are because it doesn’t matter. What matters is the message you’re sending, which is: If you want to get a Saturday night date with me, you must call on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.

      Now you may be saying to yourself, ‘This is all so rigid, lots of men make plans when the mood strikes them, what’s wrong with spontaneity?’ These arguments sound convincing, but the reality is not so pleasant. When Ted first called our friend Beth on a Thursday night for a Saturday night date, she said yes right away. That set a bad precedent for him calling her at the last minute for future dates. Although they went out for a few months, he never thought that much about her during the week and she felt confused by the relationship because she was never sure if she was going to see him Saturday night.

      Remember, The Rules are about the long haul. The way a man behaves – rather, the way you allow him to behave toward you – during your courtship is usually the way he will behave during your marriage. For example, if he’s last minute about dating you, he’ll be last minute and inattentive about you in other ways. That’s why last-minute dates are just unacceptable. Men who call ten minutes before they’re going to be in your area to see you may be terrific dates, but how busy and hard to get are you if they can see you in ten minutes? If you give in, these men will end up treating you like someone they can get in ten minutes.

      But remember to be very nice when you say no. Don’t think negatively, ‘This man doesn’t think much of me to call right before he wants to see me.’ Or scream, ‘No, I’m busy,’ and slam down the phone. He isn’t thinking that at all. He isn’t thinking that he’s not treating you like a creature unlike any other. Give him a break. Rules girls are an unusual breed. As we’ve suggested, nicely say, ‘No, wow, I wish I wasn’t busy!’ Then sigh and get off the phone. He will soon realize that you simply want to be asked in advance for a date. Again, men are not trying to hurt you when they call at the last minute. Don’t be offended, just train them to call earlier without actually demanding it of them.

      Spontaneity is not ‘Hi. Want to see a movie this afternoon?’ That call might have come out of boredom or the fact that the woman he really wants to be with is busy. He didn’t call you in advance, dream about you for a week, and get all excited about putting his arm around your shoulders during the movie. He didn’t think of your date together as something precious that must be scheduled in advance like a reservation at a very exclusive restaurant. Spontaneity is fine, but it should happen during the date, such as an unexpected drive to the beach after dinner.

      We often hear about ‘spontaneous’ women who go out with men on twenty-four hours’ notice. We wish them luck. When a man knows he can have you five minutes after his last girlfriend gave him the boot, he’ll call you because he’s lonely or bored, not because he’s crazy about you. In such cases, buyer beware: it won’t last. Free spirits might object to what we are saying, but for long-lasting results we believe in treating dating like a job, with rules and regulations. Just like you have to work from nine to five, no matter how you feel, we believe you have to silently train men to make plans with you (elusive, busy, happy you!) ahead of time. When you do The Rules, what you’re really doing is giving men the secret, silent code that they understand very well. If you make it too easy for men, they’re certain to take advantage and then you can forget about getting a Rules marriage.

      We realize that the days in between dates with the man you are crazy about can be long and excruciating; but, remember, it’s worse to say yes indiscriminately whenever he wants to see you and risk him getting bored. If you play your cards right, he will reach the conclusion that the only way to see you whenever he wants, at the last minute, is to marry you!

Rule 9 Fill Up Your Time Before the Date

      Most women go on dates with a lot of expectations. They want the man to find them beautiful, to ask them out again and to father their children. Needless to say, these women are usually disappointed. That’s why we have found it very helpful – in fact, essential – to be booked up as much as possible before the date. It’s best to be busy right up until the doorbell rings so that you’re slightly breathless and brimming with energy when you finally see him.

      Here are some suggestions for what to do on the day of the date:

      1 To relieve anxiety, go to the gym, get a manicure or take a long hot bubble bath.

      2 Buy a new shirt or a bottle of perfume. Get a makeover. Treat yourself.

      3 Take a nap. If you’re the type who gets drowsy at 10 p.m., a good nap will keep you going.

      4 Go to the movies (see a comedy, not a romance, so love isn’t too much on your mind), read the newspaper or a book to fill your head with something other than how your first name sounds with his last name. If you’re busy all day, you won’t be so needy and empty when he picks you up.

      Here’s what not to do:

      1 Don’t talk to your girlfriends all day long about the date, about how his astrological sign and yours go together, about how you know he’s ‘The One’, or about relationships in general. You really shouldn’t be thinking about the date at all.

      2 Don’t see your mother, grandmother, or anyone who absolutely can’t wait for you to get married and have children. Being around them might make you reek of desperation on the date. You might inadvertently mention the M word (marriage) and scare him away.

      3 Don’t write your name and his in all different combinations, such as:

      Susan Johnson

      Susan Dobbs Johnson

      Susan D. Johnson

      Don’t you have better things to do?

Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 1, 2 and 3

      If you are anything like us, you’ve thought a lot about how much the two of you have in common before he even arrives to pick you up. And you’ve named the children before he says hello. This type of seemingly innocuous daydreaming before the date is dangerous, possibly the worst thing you can do short of professing love to him during dessert. This kind of fantasising leads to unfulfilled longing and to unrealistic expectations of romance and passion that makes you prone to say foolish things like, ‘I have two tickets to a concert,’ after the first date. (Yes, you can reciprocate but much later – see Rule 4).

      If at all possible, don’t think of him before he arrives – it isn’t necessary for СКАЧАТЬ