Daughter Of Midnight - The Child Bride of Gandhi. Arun Gandhi

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СКАЧАТЬ tilted the measure with her toe, spilling the rice out onto the floor and stepping on it — this, it was said, would bring prosperity to the newlyweds. Now, it was the younger couple’s turn; Putliba set out another measure of rice. Mohandas and Kastur entered, and Kastur, repeating the ritual, was welcomed to her new home.

      A new home, a new life, even a new name: Kasturbai Gandhi. The suffix “-bai” would usually be added to her name Kastur now that she was an adult married woman. And it all took some getting used to. In the days that followed, Kasturbai was often homesick for her old home in Porbandar. Her life as youngest daughter-in-law in the busy Gandhi household was very different from her former life as favourite daughter in the ease and comfort of the Kapadia house.

      A regional version of secluding females — what my grandfather called Kathiawar’s “own peculiar, useless and barbarous purdah”, decreed that young husbands and wives must ignore each other during daylight hours. Any show of affection, even the exchange of a few casual words, was considered indecent. Young married women were not to be seen by older men in the family or visiting strangers.

      Though Hindu women were not required to hide their bodies with the tent-like chador worn by Muslim women, they were expected to cover their heads and faces with their saris in the presence of elders of either sex.

      Mohandas had returned to high school so that their only time together was late at night, in their own small bedroom just above the main gate of the house.

      Kasturbai was not idle during the day. As the youngest daughter-in-law in a joint family, it was her duty to perform without a murmur of protest whatever tasks the older women might assign to her. This was another accepted fact of life. Kasturbai knew that by right, all her in-laws, not just her mother-in-law Putliba, but also Nandkunwarba, even Ganga, could order her around. But she was lucky. Unlike many young brides, she was never treated like a chattel in her new home. Putliba was kind, discerning, wise — not at all the tyrannical mother-in-law of stories. In assigning daily tasks to the younger women, Putliba played no favourites and she liked to instruct by example rather than command. She was usually the last person to go to bed at night and the last to take her meals. What kept all of them busy was the amount of work that had to be done in the bustling Gandhi household.

      As the dewan of Rajkot, Karamchand Gandhi had a daily stream of visitors who had to be properly entertained: tea, snacks, or full meals, depending on what time they came to visit. Karamchand had never been one to worry about money, and had never accumulated enough resources for his family to live lavishly. As a result, the Gandhis did not have the army of servants and cooks that one might have expected to find in the home of a minister of state; not even the usual staff of servants found in the homes of successful merchants (men like Gokaldas Kapadia).

      In the Gandhi household, everyone was expected to participate in household chores. The dewan himself, it was said, had sometimes been seen sitting under a tree in the courtyard, peeling vegetables for his wife while receiving official visitors.

      Kasturbai’s mother-in-law was a cheerfully devout woman who took little interest in fine clothes and jewellery, and faithfully observed all vows and fasts prescribed for self-discipline and self-purification, even adding special vows of her own invention. Her daily rituals of purification had become the regimen for her whole household. Putliba wouldn’t eat without first saying her prayers, and wouldn’t pray without first having her bath, and wouldn’t bathe without first visiting the latrine. Ritual safeguards against spiritual pollution were not new to Kasturbai — her parents, too, were religious.

      Not long after she settled into her new home, Kasturbai noticed a change in the quiet, likeable boy she had married. In an attempt to play the typical role of a dominant Indian husband, Mohandas was becoming very possessive and jealous.

      It all started when he bought several little pamphlets at the bazaar, the sort of thing written in those days to educate young husbands about their conjugal rights and responsibilities. Aware that he had much to learn, Mohandas read the booklets from cover to cover. What impressed him was not the practical advice given, but the commendable exhortation that a husband must always be faithful to his wife. He found that idea compelling. And not just because it appealed to what he later described as his “innate passion for truth”. Mohandas was in the throes of first love. He was “passionately fond” of Kasturbai; he could think of nothing else all day long. To be false to her was unthinkable.

      To him it was obvious that a wife, too, should pledge faithfulness; however his adolescent strategy for ensuring mutual fidelity was both unsophisticated and unenlightened. He concluded that it was the duty of the faithful husband to exert his authority over his wife and to make sure that she kept her pledge.

      One night Mohandas announced to Kasturbai that from now on he wanted to be kept fully informed about where she went and when, and about whom she met and why. In fact, he declared, she should not go out of the house without his consent.

      However, the notion of having to request permission from Mohandas for her every move sounded like oppression to Kastur. With her many household duties, she seldom had time to gallivant. She only accompanied other Gandhi women to call on friends or neighbours, or go with Putliba to the nearby temple for prayers. Nandkunwarba and Ganga never went in search of their husbands to tell them they were going out, so why should she? Besides, it was embarrassing and humiliating.

      My grandmother’s spirit was always proud and free. Those who remembered her have testified that Ba would never allow anyone to dictate to her — not even her husband. Yet her manner was naturally accommodating; never challenging. And her instincts were essentially conservative. She had no inborn desire to flout tradition. At this point in her young life, she was not ready to rebel openly against accepted practices or established authority (this would change in the years to come).

      On the night of their first confrontation, Kasturbai assured Mohandas she would always be a faithful wife. For her, any other course was unthinkable. She raised no objections to the restrictions he proposed. But she made no promise to observe them.

      The next day, without consulting Mohandas, Kasturbai arranged to go with Putliba to the temple for prayers. How could Mohandas object? She was following the example of his own mother, the most virtuous of women. She went to the temple again the following day and the next. The day after that Kasturbai went with her sisters-in-law to call on friends. By actions, not words, she was making it clear to Mohandas how much she objected to his high-handedness.

      Mohandas reacted vigorously and attempted to impose even more restraints. They had their first quarrel.

      “Are you suggesting that I should obey you and not your mother?” Kasturbai asked.

      The new husband had no answer.

      “When she or other elders in the house ask me to go out with them, am I to tell them I cannot stir out without my husband’s permission?”

      Finally, Mohandas acknowledged that Kasturbai was not the girl to brook such restraints. The orders were rescinded and normal life resumed.

      The young husband was learning a hard truth about his wife: she obeyed as she chose. Unless he could convince her of the correctness of his decisions, she was prepared quietly to ignore them and go her own way (that would not change in the years to come).

      Mohandas still remained troubled and preoccupied. He was neglecting his studies.

      Word came from Porbandar that Kasturbai’s family wanted her to come for an extended visit. It is customary for Indian parents to arrange frequent and lengthy separation of young married couples. During the months she spent in Porbandar, Kasturbai happily settled back into the comfortable, undemanding routine of life in the Kapadia household. She seemed to be discovering СКАЧАТЬ