The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook. Liz Fraser
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Название: The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook

Автор: Liz Fraser

Издательство: HarperCollins

Жанр: Секс и семейная психология

Серия:

isbn: 9780007283248

isbn:

СКАЧАТЬ target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#fb3_img_img_4a982d06-2c1e-5ce9-b56e-21f0e45948d0.jpg" alt=""/> Combining traditions. I have found this to be a bit of a problem, because my family does Christmas so differently to my husband’s. I prefer some of their ways, but not others, and I sometimes feel that I’m not having a ‘proper’ Christmas, as I remember it, at all. I also feel uncomfortable about some of their traditions being passed onto my kids, because I’d like them to do it ‘our’ way. We get over these hurdles by following the rituals wherever we spend Christmas, and this variety year on year seems to be enough to give us both a little of the childhood we remember, and to expose our kids to different ways of celebrating the occasion. (But I still think my way is better, of course!)

      

Start your own traditions. The lovely thing about starting your own family is that you can start up some new traditions. Presents before breakfast, one present every hour, eating Christmas dinner in your new Christmas underpants and socks, going for a long walk afterwards, or whatever it is. Why stick to what you’ve always known, and maybe don’t even like? It’s your family, so stay at home for a change and do it your way!

      It’s a real shame that Christmas has become such an endurance test for so many families, but you don’t have to be sucked into the distasteful world of commercial excess and lavish gift-giving. Stick to your principles, cut down on everything, and enjoy a relaxing family holiday all together. Because behind the presents, television marathons, brandy butter, party poppers, nuts, mince pies, carol singing and hangovers, whatever your religious beliefs or family hang-ups, this is an opportunity for you all to be together—and that happens far too little in most families. Season’s greetings to you all…

      While we’re here, we should probably take a peek at what lurks in the space under the stairs. Some pretty grimy things, I suspect, but those are always fun to uncover…

       PART FOUR The Cupboard Under The Stairs

      Before Harry Potter moved in and complicated matters, the space under most people’s staircases was one of two things: it was either a downstairs toilet—you know the ones, where your knees hit the wall opposite when you sit on the loo and the ‘basin’ is actually a triangular teacup attached to the wall with dolls’ house taps above it, guaranteed to splash water all over your crotch however careful you are—or a hideous mess. Mine is the latter. Under my stairs lurks everything from the under-used hoover and ironing board to several mismatched tennis rackets, climbing boots, a pram raincover, a torch, several tennis balls, random gloves and broken pairs of sunglasses and about two hundred spiders. It is where we throw all those bits and pieces we have no idea what to do with, or don’t want to have to deal with. There are, of course, houses where this place has been transformed into a stunning feature, with built-in shelving, subtle lighting and hidden storage space for colour-coordinated shoes. But that’s not my experience, and probably not yours.

      For the purposes of this book, the cupboard under the stairs will house all those family issues you would rather not deal with. It’s the place where skeletons lurk, waiting to come out and disrupt the harmony, along with arguments waiting to happen, bits of unfinished business needing completion, and enough worries to fill a mansion house, let alone the two square metres we’ve got to play with. As with anywhere that gathers dust and festers slowly into an unhygienic, disorganised, arachnid-infested disaster zone, we must occasionally take a deep breath—it’s pretty airless and smelly—arm ourselves with a torch and a broom, and face what lies within. It’s scary, it will result in a few shrieks, but maybe also contains some happy discoveries, and it will almost certainly make you feel better by the end of it.

      Skeletons: Leave ‘em in or get ‘em out?

      Every relationship brings some skeletons with it. These remains of loves, lives and issues past can cohabit with the meatier members of a household quite happily for years. Others clank and creak about the place, causing unrest, upset and scaring the bejeebies out of us every so often as they threaten to expose themselves.

      Most skeletons in relationships between married people represent past loves. Men we once kissed, relationships we had but have never talked about (because he’s your husband’s best mate, for example) or sexual experiences we’d rather not share. Others involve all sorts of dishonesties from those little white lies we all tell (‘The shoes were seventy-five per cent off—what a bargain!’ What a liar more like…) to the occasional whoppers (‘I’ll have to stay at the office really late tonight to prepare for a meeting tomorrow…’ Hmmm. Funny sort of office, that, where they serve half-price cocktails and where all your friends happen to ‘work’ too.)

      Whatever your particular bony friends represent, you have two choices. Option one is to reveal their true identity and own up to the Christmas party kiss, the fact that the new chandelier in the hall wasn’t really a birthday present from your mum and you forked out nearly a grand for it, or that you were once caught shoplifting in Selfridges because you were temporarily out of your mind with PMT and a caffeine rush and just had to have those egg cups. Option two is to leave them where they are, as a sentimental reminder of your former life, because you like having secrets or because you want to avoid the biggest row you have ever had, which may result in permanent scarring.

      Here’s some advice to help you decide:

      

Is the rattling disturbing you? If the presence of a particularly large skeleton makes you anxious, guilty or both, then you should speak up. This kind of stressed state of mind can only breed more unrest, and it’s much better to rid yourself of all the worry and angst, and be done with it. If he can’t handle the fact that it’s in your past, and therefore isn’t a threat, then this is a sign of more serious mistrust and insecurity on his part, which needs addressing.

      

Ask a friend first. Everybody should have a friend whom they can ask very difficult or embarrassing questions. She, or he, might not be able to advise you much, but at least you can see how someone else reacts to your news. If they stare at you openmouthed and then don’t call for two months, it’s best to close the cupboard door and keep your mouth shut. If they laugh or don’t seem very fazed at all (or own up to something much worse), you are probably good to go for it and confess.

      

Do you like secrets? Some people actively enjoy having secrets from their partners. It makes them feel they still have a life outside coupledom and it adds a small amount of exciting risk. For these types, sharing a home with a few naughty skeletons isn’t a big deal at all, and they can enjoy their new life without the risk of upsetting their partner when they spill the beans about the time they kissed Lucinda in the locker room when they were fifteen. Shame, because he’d probably enjoy that one…

      Little White Lies

       Rachel, mother of Isabella, eight, Sara, five, and Daisy, three:

       I don’t tell my husband about naughty purchases. I’ll lie and say I got it in the sale, or that somebody gave it to me. It’s silly, because we share money, but because I don’t work I feel guilty—but I need my little treats!

      When is a lie not СКАЧАТЬ