soon remember that your whole life hasn’t changed after all, and you’ll be pining for the rest of your family before you know it.
Get ready to make mistakes. Like most works of art your family almost certainly won’t end up quite as you intended, but hopefully you will avoid making any irreversible gaffs that even Tipp-Ex can’t cover up. For everything else there is usually a way to smooth things over, and a secret credit-card-busting handbag obsession or even the hideous smudge of an infidelity can add something positive to the canvas if it ultimately brings you closer together.
Beg, borrow, or steal. The work you produce will be influenced to some degree by other struggling families you observe as you stumble along Family Lane. This is good—all the best artists nick stuff from people they admire, whether consciously or not. If you observe another family dealing with toddler tantrums better than you, then watch what they do and steal their technique. If you don’t seem to be coping with your work/life/soaks in the bath balance and know someone who seems to have it all under control, then ask how they do it. You’ll probably discover it’s all a front and they are struggling just as much as you are, but even that can be enough to cheer yourself up.
Talk. Not to your Mum, your friend or your cat. Talk to your partner—the person who is going through this weird transition with you, and tell him if you’re feeling apprehensive, lost or plain shit-scared about things. If he’s half the man he should be for you to have started a family with him, he won’t burn all your books, tear up your store cards or eat all your chocolate. He’ll help you, support you and give you a shoulder massage. He’s probably feeling exactly the same way anyway, but didn’t want to say so in case you thought he was getting cold feet already. Talking sorts it all out.
Best in Show: Keeping up appearances in public
If everybody in the world let on what was really going on in their heads, what mood they were in or how their family lives were running, it would be carnage out there. There would be tears, fights, rampant sex and hysteria on every street corner. Luckily, natural selection has ensured that those people who are completely honest about things when they are out in the public arena have long since died out, because nobody wanted to sleep with anyone who moaned about their medical problems, mother-in-law or hefty workload, and we have now evolved into a species of finely tuned fakers.
‘Oh, yes, we had a marvellous holiday—the kids were happy, the place we rented was perfect and we all feel really rejuvenated’ is fake-talk for, ‘That was a fucking nightmare. The kids drove us nuts, there were rats in the kitchen and I’m completely bloody exhausted. We’re never going away again.’
My favourite one is the ‘Hi, how are you?’, ‘Oh I’m fine—you?’, ‘Fine!’ exchange that takes place a thousand times a day between people who are not fine at all, who haven’t had sex for three months and who want to send their kids away to a boarding school. It’s hilarious. We all wander about, putting on a united, happy family front when the reality is rarely anything approaching such harmony or bliss.
Of course, a certain amount of fakery is essential for life to be bearable: if you ask somebody how they are, you’re only ever expecting a ‘fine thanks’ if you’re honest. You don’t really want to know how they are at all, and if they tell you then you’ll think they are a bit weird and avoid them for a week. But it’s the level of this fakery that can become a problem, if we start to believe what we see and hear. Don’t and remember the following:
Everybody feels they are failing at being a family sometimes. Some are just better at hiding it than others.
Be vigilant, and never convince yourself that other families are doing a much better job than you. They are probably just as exasperated, exhausted and extremely bored as you are occasionally.
Open up. Sometimes, being honest and telling somebody that you are in fact not all that well, and that things on the home front are pretty rough at the moment, results in a torrent of similar confessions and tales from your relieved listener. Opening up about your problems means people are much happier to be honest with you, and you’ll soon realise that you are not surrounded by picture-perfect families at all!
Beat it with a smile. Putting on a happy exterior might sound superficial, but often if you stand tall, smile and try to be cheerful, some of your problems will melt away, and after a few hours you might well feel a lot better. No, it might not last after you get home, but just having a few hours away from your troubles can make what follows a lot easier to bear.
Etiquette: Here comes a family—run!
Families have got themselves a bad name. They have come to represent all that is loud, rude, inconsiderate, stressful and unpleasant, and I can see why. There they are in every café, car park, restaurant, cinema and shopping centre shouting at each other, arguing, looking as bored and miserable as it’s possible to be, spoiling or neglecting their kids, making a mess, a noise and a pretty ugly spectacle of themselves.
Obese families, rude families, families on the verge of a nervous breakdown and even entire families wearing—wait for it—hoodies! Lord, what’s the world coming to? Just look at them all, messing up our tidy, leafy towns and villages with their horrible Family-ness. Bring on the family-sized ASBOs, that’s what I say. Lock ’em all up and throw away the key!
I am exaggerating just a teeny-weeny bit here, as you may have cleverly guessed, but you get my drift. Families are not quite the respected and valued pillars of society they once, perhaps, were. Seeing a family of four struggle over to the check-in desk, sticky lollipops and electronic toys in hand, can be enough to make the most tolerant, hard-of-hearing and child-friendly person cancel her holiday plans and head home again.
Well, it needn’t be this way, and with some simple old-fashioned examples of social etiquette and manners we might be able to give families an image overhaul, and put them back in vogue.
Consideration of others. This is probably the most important thing families can do when they step out of the front door. At this point you are no longer in the seclusion of your home, but sharing the space with other people: people who might not like kids putting their feet on chairs, leaving wrappers on park benches or picking their nose; who don’t want to hear your private disagreements aired in loud voices over a latte and a muffin; who keep themselves to themselves and would appreciate it if you would do the same. If more families considered their impact on others they would be doing us all a huge favour.
Basic manners. Once upon a time people held doors open to let others through; they said thank you when somebody did the same to them; they closed their mouth while eating, didn’t interrupt, never shouted in public and sent birthday cards that arrived on time. There are tons more, which your Granny probably taught your
СКАЧАТЬ
