Don’t tell your children about the party until you’re about to go there. If they have three weeks to get excited, they will be so wound up by the time it comes you’ll be scraping them off the ceiling. And that’s before they’re plied with chocolates, fizzy drinks and those wretched orange crisps. Some degree of anticipation is fun, but more than a day or two is asking for trouble.
Bring something for kids to do. Just a few books or small toys can save the day. Having something for your kids to do while you natter away for hours about boring adult stuff can mean the difference between staying all day and leaving as soon as the speeches are over.
Be prepared to take the kids out for a while. Children can get rather excited at parties, and this is almost always followed by mild hysteria and large amounts of noise, and possible damage to valuable pieces of china. If there’s a park nearby you are saved, but otherwise just a quick walk around the block really helps to calm them down.
Time out. If it all gets too much for you, then find a quiet corner to get some peace and recharge, before you face the mob again. I always have to do this at large gatherings, and taking a moment to be alone with your children or to help in the kitchen can be just the ticket.
Christmas
I used to love Christmas: just me, my brother, my mum and dad, and my grandparents. A few presents, some nice food, crackers, staying up late, leaving a mince pie and some brandy for Father Christmas, stockings and huge amounts of excitement. It was simple, it was fun and it was a close family occasion.
These days I have to confess that I have come to loathe the very idea of Christmas. Not for any religious reasons, or because there’s never anything I really want any more, but because of the whole hoopla attached to the event. The run-up to Christmas starts in mid-August now, with shops putting up baubles and magazines running features about Christmas wrapping ideas or places to visit over the festive holidays while the scent of Ambre Solaire is still in the air.
Then there is the sheer volume of presents kids get nowadays, brought on by the fact that they have more friends and relatives than they can shake a candy stick at, who give not one, not two, but at least three things each, most of which cost well over £20 and none of which the children need! At school they give teachers presents, they give each other presents, they give the school pets presents, and we, the overwhelmed parents, can feel under quite a lot of pressure to dig deep and give, give and give some more.
Top this off with the unnecessary but inevitable stress associated with cooking a Christmas dinner, plus all the meals, snacks, nibbles and alcohol apparently required to keep everyone happy, a huge number of relatives, high emotions and utter bollocks on telly, and you have a recipe for some kind of explosion. I find Christmas to be a very trying experience all round, and I know I’m not alone because some of my friends have told me they feel the same way since having kids.
Here are some ways of making it more enjoyable for the whole family:
Where to have it. If both of your parents are still alive, and still talking to you, there is always the awkward question of whose parents you spend Christmas with. Our solution is to take turns, which is very diplomatic, and it’s what most of our friends do. Alternatively, spend Christmas with one lot and New Year with the other. Either way, parents can get very hurt if you seem to be avoiding coming to them for such an important occasion, and you do need to use some tact here. Your mum’s roast turkey may well be dry and tasteless, but it’s only for one day, so buck up and eat up.
Have it at your place. In all the worry about which grand-parents you will descend on, it’s easy to overlook the possibility of just you and your kids staying in your own home and starting a tradition there. It can feel a little quiet compared with the hoards of family members usually present at this time, but it can be a lot less stressful—and a lot cheaper because you won’t feel obliged to buy stocking fillers for all fifty of your in-laws or bring a couple of bottles of sherry for great-granny, so bear this in mind if you are a bit strapped for cash one year.
Too many cooks can spoil the Christmas dinner. If you spend Christmas with your parents or in-laws, chances are that Christmas dinner will be taken care of by them. My advice: offer to help as much as possible, do exactly as you are told and don’t even think about doing it your own way. You may prefer roast potatoes to be irregular, but if the head chef says ‘perfect one-inch cubes’ then perfect one-inch cubes it is. You can have your irregular ones next week, at home.
Get some breathing space. It can get very claustrophobic in an overheated house, with overheated people telling overheated stories, so make sure you get outside as often as you can, to clear the fug and refresh yourself. This is essential for kids as well, who can go completely nuts with all the excitement, chocolate and over-zealous relatives. Allow them to let off some steam outside, even if there’s a blizzard out there, and they’ll be ready for the next round of ‘cover Uncle Julian in cushions and jump on him’ before long.
Chip in. Christmas is a very expensive time of year, even if you take all the presents out of the equation: just feeding all of those relatives can cost enough to build the extension you need, and the alcohol bill can be prohibitive. You must, must make sure you all chip in, whether it’s cooking a meal or two, providing some drink or keeping the snack and nibbles supplies coming. Ask whoever is hosting the event what you can do to contribute—some people want to handle all the food or wine themselves, and you might be treading on toes.
Limit the presents. We tried this last year, and it almost worked (some people, like me, were a bit naughty and exceeded their limit, because there was something irresistible they just had to give the kids). Try limiting every family member to giving only one present, which can’t cost more than a tenner. Not one present per person, but one in total, and do a lucky dip to decide who gives to whom. Bags not my father-in-law again! For kids this is almost impossible—there are so many fantastic toys, books and games to give them—but if you can even set yourselves a ‘no more than three presents per child’ limit you will find that it’s less of a distasteful consumerism orgy, and more of an exciting, happy time with some lovely gifts being exchanged and appreciated.
Wait for the sales. We started doing this about three years ago and I’m very glad we did: my husband and I give each other one very small, cheap present on Christmas Day, and then something bigger for each other, or for the house, when the January sales start. This works for our kids too, and we now give our kids a couple of small presents each on the day (which always rises to about twenty by the time the rest of the family has thrown theirs under the tree too) and let them choose a couple more things they would really like when they go down to half-price two days later. This
СКАЧАТЬ
