The Letters, Volume 3. Cicero

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СКАЧАТЬ (A XI, 9)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 3 JANUARY

      Yes, it is quite as you say: I have acted both incautiously and in too great a hurry; nor have I any hope, seeing that I am only allowed to remain by special clauses of exemption in the edicts. If these had not been secured by your industry and kindness, I might have betaken myself to some lonely places. As it is, I can't even do that. For how does my having come before the new tribuneship help me, if' my having come at all is of no service to me ? ¹ Or what am I to expect from a man who was never friendly to me, ² when my ruin and humiliation are now secured by an actual law? Already Balbus's letters to me become daily less cordial, and a great number from many hands reach Caesar, perhaps against me. I am perishing by my own fault. It is not chance that has caused me any misfortune, everything has been incurred by my own mistakes. The fact is that when I saw what sort of war it was going to be, and that universal unreadiness and feebleness were pitted against men in the highest state of preparation, I had made up my mind to a policy, not so much courageous, as one that I of all men was justified in adopting. I gave in to my relations, or rather, I obeyed them. What the real sentiments of one of them was-his whom you recommend to my forbearance ³ —you will learn from his own letters, which he has sent to you and others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. The bundle was brought to me. I untied it to see whether there was any letter for me. There was none. There was one for Vatinius, and another for Ligurius. ⁴ I ordered them to be delivered to these persons. They immediately came to me boiling with indignation, loudly exclaiming against "the villain." They read me the letters full of every kind of abuse of me. Ligurius raved: said, that he knew that Quintus was detested by Caesar, and yet that the latter had not only favoured him, but had also given him all that money out of compliment to me. Thus outraged I determined to ascertain what he had said in his letters to the rest. For I thought it would be fatal to Quintus himself if such a villainy on his part became generally known. I found that they were of the same kind. I am sending them to you, and if you think that it is for his interest that they should be delivered, please to deliver them. It won't do me any harm. For as to their having had their seals broken, Pomponia possesses his signet, I think. ⁵ When he displayed that exasperation at the beginning of our voyage, ⁶ he grieved me so deeply that I was quite prostrate after it, and even now he is said to be working not so much for himself as against me. So I am hard pressed by every kind of misery, and can hardly bear up against it, or rather cannot do so at all. Of these miseries there is one which outweighs all the others—that I shall leave that poor girl deprived of patrimony and every kind of property. Wherefore pray see to that, according to your promise: for I have no one else to whom to commend her, since I have discovered that the same treatment is prepared for her mother as for me. But, in case you don't find me here when you come, still consider that she has been commended to you with due solemnity, and soften her uncle in regard to her as much as you can. I am writing this to you on my birthday: on which day would that I had never been born, ⁷ or that nothing had afterwards been born of the same mother I Tears prevent my writing more.

      CDXXII (F XIV, 16)

      TO TERENTIA (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 4 JANUARY

      If you are well, I am glad. I am well. Though my circumstances are such that I have no motive for expecting a letter from you or anything to tell you myself, yet somehow or another I do look for letters from you all, and do write to you when I have anyone to convey it. Volumnia ought to have been more attentive to you than she has been, and even what she has done she might have done with greater zeal and caution. However, there are other things for us to be more anxious about and vexed at. These latter distress me quite as much as was desired by those who forced me to act against my better judgment. ⁸ Take care of your health.

      ⁴ January.

      CDXXIII (A XI, 10)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 19 JANUARY

      My distresses, already past calculation, have received an addition by the news brought to me of the elder and younger Quintus. My connexion Publius Terentius was employed as deputy master of his company in Asia in collecting the harbour dues and the pasture rents. ⁹ He saw the younger Quintus at Ephesus on the 8th of December, and entertained him warmly for the sake of our friendship, and on asking some questions about me, he tells me that Quintus replied that he was bitterly opposed to me, and shewed him a roll containing a speech which he intended to deliver against me before Caesar. ¹⁰ Terentius says that he dissuaded him from such a senseless proceeding at great length; and that afterwards at Patrae the elder Quintus talked a great deal to him in a similar strain of treachery. The latter's furious state of mind you have been able to gather from the letters which I sent on to you. I know these things are painful to you: they are positive torture to me, and the more so that I don't think I shall have the opportunity of even remonstrating with them.

      As to the state of things in Africa, ¹¹ my information is widely different from your letter. They say that nothing could be sounder or better organized. Added to that, there is Spain, an alienated Italy, a decline in the loyalty and the strength of the legions, total disorder in the city. ¹² Where can I find any repose except in reading your letters? And they would certainly have been more frequent, had you had anything to say by which you thought that my distress might be relieved. But nevertheless I beg you not to omit writing to tell me whatever occurs; and, if you can't absolutely hate the men who have shewn themselves so cruelly hostile to me, ¹³ yet do rebuke them: not with the view of doing any good, but to make them feel that I am dear to you. I will write at greater length to you when you have answered my last. Good-bye.

      ¹⁹ January.

      CDXXIV (A XI, II)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 8 MARCH

      Worn out at length by the agony of my excessive sorrows, even if I had anything that I ought to say to you, I should not find it easy to write it; but as it is, I am still less able to do so because there is nothing worth the trouble of writing, especially as there is not even a gleam of hope of things being better. Accordingly, I no longer look forward to hearing even from you, though your letters always contain something that I like to hear. Therefore pray do go on writing, whenever you have a bearer at hand: though I have nothing to say in answer to your last, which nevertheless I received some time ago. For in the now long interval I can see that there has been a general change; that the right cause is strong; that I am being severely punished for my folly. ¹⁴ The thirty sestertia which I received from Gnaeus Sallustius are to be paid to Publius Sallustius. ¹⁵ Please see that they are paid without delay. I have written on that subject to Terentia. Even this sum is now almost used up: therefore concert measures with her to get me money to go on with. I shall perhaps be able to raise some even here, if I am assured that I shall have something to my credit at Rome. But until I knew that I did not venture to raise a farthing. You see my position all round: there is no sort of misfortune which I am not both enduring and expecting. For this state of things my grief is the heavier in proportion as my fault is the greater. He in Achaia ¹⁶ never ceases maligning me. Clearly your letter has done no good. Good-bye.

      ⁸ March.

      CDXXV (A XI, 12)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 8 MARCH (EVENING)

      Cephalio СКАЧАТЬ