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СКАЧАТЬ I ought to do? I quite see that it is difficult to advise. For I am the only one (or with one other ³² ) for whom neither a return to the one party is possible, nor a gleam of hope visible from the other. But nevertheless I should like to know what your opinion is, and that was the reason among others why I wished to see you, if it could be managed.

      I wrote before to tell you that Minucius had only paid twelve sestertia: please see that the balance is provided.

      Quintus wrote to me not only without any strong appeal for pardon, but in the most bitter style, while his son did so with astonishing malignity. No sorrow can be imagined with which I am not crushed. Yet everything is more bearable than the pain caused by my error: that is supreme and abiding. If I were destined to have the partners in that error that I expected, it would nevertheless be but a poor consolation. But the case of all the rest admits of some escape, mine of none. Some because they were taken prisoners, others because their way was barred, avoid having their loyalty called in question, all the more so, of course, now that they have extricated themselves and joined forces again. Why, even the very men who of their own free will went to Fufius ³³ can merely be counted wanting in courage. Finally, there are many who will be taken back, in whatever way they return to that party. So you ought to be the less astonished that I cannot hold up against such violent grief. For I am the only one whose error cannot be repaired, except perhaps Laelius—but what alleviation is that to me?—for they say that even Gaius Cassius has changed his mind about going to Alexandria. I write this to you, not that you may be able to remove my anxiety, but to know whether you have any suggestion to make in regard to the distresses that are sapping my strength, to which are now added my son-in-law, and the rest that I am prevented by my tears from writing. Nay, even Aesop's son ³⁴ wrings my heart. There is absolutely nothing wanting to make me the most unhappy of men. But to return to my first question—what do you think I ought to do? Should I remove secretly to some place nearer Rome, or should I cross the sea? For remaining here much longer is out of the question.

      Why could no settlement he come to about the property of Fufidius? For the arrangement was one about which there is not usually any dispute, when the portion which is thought of the less value can be made up by putting the property up to auction among the heirs. I have a motive for asking the question: for I suspect that my co-heirs think that my position is doubtful, and therefore prefer allowing the matter to remain unsettled. ³⁵ Good-bye.

      ¹⁵ May.

      CDXXIX (A XI, 16)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 3 JUNE

      IT is by no fault of mine this time—for I did commit an error formerly—that the letter you forward brings me no consolation. For it is written in a grudging spirit, and gives rise to strong suspicions of not really being from Caesar, suspicions which I think have occurred to yourself. About going to meet him I will do as you advise. The fact is that there is no belief prevalent as to his coming, nor do those who arrive from Asia say that anything has been heard about a peace, the hope of which caused me to fall into this trap. I see no reason for entertaining hopes, especially in the present circumstances, when such disaster has been sustained in Asia, in Illyricum, in the Cassius affair, in Alexandria itself, in the city, in Italy. ³⁶ In my opinion, even if he is going to return (he is said to be still engaged in war) the business will be all settled before his return.

      You say that a certain feeling of exultation on the part of the loyalists was roused on hearing of the receipt of this letter: you of course omit nothing in which you think that there is any consolation; but I cannot be induced to believe that any loyalist could think that any salvation has been of such value in my eyes, as to make me ask it of Caesar—much less should I be likely to do so now that I have not a single partner even in this policy. ³⁷ Those in Asia are waiting to see how things turn out. Those in Achaia also keep dangling before Fufius the hope that they will petition for pardon. These men had at first the same reason for fear as I had, and the same policy. The check at Alexandria has improved their position, it has ruined mine. ³⁸ Wherefore I now make the same request to you as in my previous letter, that, if you can see in the midst of this desperate state of things what you think I ought to do, you would tell me of it. Supposing me to be received back by this party, ³⁹ which you see is not the case, yet, as long as there is war, I cannot think what to do or where to stay: still less, if I am rejected by them. Accordingly, I am anxious for a letter from you, and beg you to write to me without hesitation.

      You advise me to write to Quintus about this letter of Caesar's: I would have done so, if it had been in any way one agreeable to me; although I have received a letter from a certain person in these words: "Considering the evil state of things, I am pretty comfortable at Patrae: I should be still more so, if your brother spoke of you in terms suited to my feelings." You say that Quintus writes you word that I never answer his letters. I have only had one from him; to that I gave an answer to Cephalio, who, however, was kept back several months by bad weather. I have already told you that the young Quintus has written to me in the most offensive terms.

      The last thing I have to say is to beg you, if you think it a right thing to do and what you can undertake, to communicate with Camillus and make a joint representation to Terentia about making a will. The state of the times is a warning to her to take measures for satisfying all just claims upon her. Philotimus tells me that she is acting in an unprincipled way. ⁴⁰ I can scarcely believe it, but at any rate, if there is anything that can be done, measures should be taken in time. Pray write to me on every sort of subject, and especially what you think about her, in regard to whom I need your advice, even though you fail to hit upon any plan: I shall take that to mean that the case is desperate.

      ³ June.

      CDXXX (A XI, 17)

      TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

      BRUNDISIUM, 14 JUNE

      I am giving this letter to another man's letter-carriers, who are in a hurry to start; that, and the fact that I am about to send my own, accounts for its brevity. My daughter Tullia reached me on the 12th of June, and expatiated at great length on your attention and kindness to her, and gave me three letters. I, however, have not got the pleasure from her own virtue, gentleness, and affection which I ought to get from a matchless daughter, but have even been overwhelmed with extraordinary sorrow, to think that a character like hers should be involved in circumstances of such distress, ⁴¹ and that that should occur from no fault of hers, but from my own consummate folly. Accordingly, I am not expecting from you now either consolation, which I see you desire to offer, or advice, which is impossible of adoption; and I understand on many occasions from your previous, as well as from your last letters, that you have tried everything practicable.

      I am thinking of sending my son with Sallustius ⁴² to Caesar. As for Tullia, I see no motive for keeping her with me any longer in such a sad state of mutual sorrow. Accordingly, I am going to send her back to her mother as Soon as she will herself consent to go. In return for the letter which you wrote in the consolatory style, pray consider that I have made the only answer which you will yourself understand to have been possible. ⁴³ You say that Oppius has had some talk with you: what he said does not at all disagree with my suspicion about it. But I have no doubt that it would be impossible to persuade that party ⁴⁴ that their proceedings could have my approval, whatever language I were to hold. However, I will be as moderate as I can. Although what it should matter to me that I incur their odium I don't understand. I perceive that you are prevented by a good reason from coming to see us, and that is a matter of great regret to me. There is no news of Caesar having left Alexandria; but all agree that no one has come from there either since the 15th of March, and that he has written no letters since the 13th of December. This shews you that there was nothing genuine about СКАЧАТЬ