Love without a Compass. Lindy Zart

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СКАЧАТЬ than I realized. Did he really care for me then? I assumed he didn’t. If he cared for me even a little, it makes what I did a thousand times more reprehensible.

      “Just tell me why.” Ben stares into my eyes, into my very being. “Why did you do it?”

      I want to answer him, but I don’t know how. What words can make this better? I think only actions can really show Ben that I’m sorry.

      Ben shakes his head, weariness replacing the anger. “Fine. Whatever. I don’t care anymore. As soon as we’re out of here, I’m gone.”

      “G-gone?”

      “Yes.” He glares at me. “Gone. You won, all right? You get the job, you get everything I had. I’m done fighting something I can’t win.”

      “But…I…Ben.” Sadness stitches itself into my frame. “That isn’t what I want.”

      “Don’t fucking care. You got it.” He throws his arms out wide. “Congratulations. You won.”

      “Ben—”

      He jerks away when I lift a hand, turning his back on me. “We aren’t going to find the lodge by standing around yakking.”

      BEN

      Of course, we don’t find the lodge.

      What we find is more rain, along with thunder and lightning.

      Within seconds, the sun that briefly gifted us with its presence blinks out of existence, the sky turns the color of obsidian, and thunder rolls above our heads. It’s surreal how quickly it happens. I look up just as fingers of lightning streak through the clouds. Rain falls on my face, cool and wet. It starts light, but quickly turns powerful. The wind picks up, slanting the rain. As if we haven’t had enough rain for the day. Another crack of lightning shoots across the sky.

      I turn to Avery. “We need to find shelter.”

      She darts for cover under a nearby tree before I finish talking.

      “Not under there!” I snag her arm and haul her back, glaring at her. “Don’t you know anything about lightning? You’ll get electrocuted.”

      Avery turns wide eyes on me. Her face shimmers under the fallen water. “How would I know that?”

      “School?” I guess. “Common sense?”

      Her mouth pulls down. “I don’t usually go outside when it’s storming.”

      “Right.” Or any other time unless necessary, apparently. How can anyone be as clueless as her? I shake my head, water dripping from my hair and into my eyes. “Outside bad. Avery no go outside.”

      Avery yanks her arm from my grasp, leans down, gathers a glob of mud in her hand, and then flings it at my head.

      It grazes my ear. I stare at her, stunned.

      She lifts her eyebrows and crosses her arms.

      I fight the urge to smile, instead frowning at her. “You’re lucky you missed.”

      “Pfft. I think you’re the one who’s lucky I missed.”

      “Fine. I’m lucky.” I wipe the mud from my ear. “We need to find shelter, and fast.”

      “What do you suggest we do?” Avery asks stiffly.

      My eyes shift over the dark terrain. The rain doesn’t help my already weakened vision as I search for some kind of natural barricade from the elements. As I watch, the sky comes alive as lightning highlights what looks like a small pit or cave partially hidden by bushes and trees. I point. “Over there.”

      Mud has replaced the ground, making each footstep a struggle to keep the boots on my feet. My sprained ankle protests each movement. I grit my teeth and keep moving. I am aware of the exact moment Avery clasps my hand. I pretend it doesn’t happen, even as my body tingles. Her hand is soft and small in mine. I want to yank my hand away, and I also want to squeeze it tight. Instead, I loosely hold her hand.

      Fuck if I know what I’m doing. If she’d just tell me why she betrayed me, maybe I could get over this. Then again, I made a decision. In anger, yes, but as soon as I said I was leaving Sanders and Sisters, I knew it was true.

      I’m at a dead end there. I can’t go any higher up, not with my present mindset, and if I’m being honest, even before Avery showed up, I was restless. Maybe I didn’t want it enough, and maybe she did. Could be that’s what pisses me off more than anything. She’s shown me what I’ve been trying to deny.

      She betrayed you. Don’t forget about that.

      Avery stumbles and I twist around, grabbing at her to keep her upright. Instead, she takes me down with her, landing directly on top of me. The ground makes a strange sucking sound as my body is implanted in it, muck oozing up to outline my form. I slowly sink farther into the sludge as wide golden eyes stare into mine. It feels as if this has happened before. Strange.

      “I’m…um…” she stutters, for the first that I can remember, at a loss for words.

      I don’t try to talk.

      Even with the cold rain all around us, her body heat scalds me through our drenched clothes. Her breasts are pushed against my chest, her hips flush with mine. There aren’t enough layers of clothing in the world to be enough of a barrier to thwart my body’s reaction to hers. It comes alive immediately and hardens painfully.

      I shift, cursing and immediately going still as a soft moan leaves Avery. I don’t want to move, and I want to move like I can’t believe. “You need to get me off—”

      Her eyes pop.

      “I mean…fuck…”

      A squeak leaves Avery.

      “You need to get off me—without moving,” I say through gritted teeth. If she moves, I might do something I’ll regret.

      “How?” she croaks, sounding as flustered as me.

      “Just…stay still. I’ll figure it out.” I close my eyes, the muscles in my neck taut. I lift my hands and clamp them to her waist, but that only pushes her hips down. I groan, in pain, in pleasure.

      “Ben?”

      I look at her face, see the heady desire pulsing in her eyes, and catapult her from me. A squeak of surprise leaves her as she lands on her ass in a puddle. Brown, thick water splashes up to coat her.

      “What the hell, Ben?” Avery cries, spitting out dirty water.

      “Sorry.” I’m not sorry at all. It was either that or end up naked, and that is not happening.

      With dizziness swimming in my head and my ankle screaming as I shift my weight, I carefully sit up. The position puts our faces inches apart. The salty scent of sweat and woman mixed with rain meets my nostrils, wrapping around me like a drug. Avery’s plump lower lip is captured by her teeth. Fire licks my skin as she slowly releases it.

      “Stop СКАЧАТЬ