Love without a Compass. Lindy Zart

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СКАЧАТЬ surprises since relocating from Montana to Illinois. All the meals are homemade by Rosa Rossetti and have phenomenal flavor. I’d give about anything right now for a big bowl of noodles slathered in sauce. I’d probably even forsake Ben, although I’m sure after I was done stuffing myself full of noodles, I’d feel a little bad. Okay, a lot.

      I shudder as I think of the near attack of the crows, wondering where all the black beasts went, and when they’ll make another appearance. Clamminess covers me with cold dread, and I instinctively take a step back, bumping into Ben as I fight terror no amount of counseling has been able to control.

      “Watch it. I don’t want a repeat trip down the side of a mountain,” he snaps.

      My eyes lock on Ben, remembering the way he carefully handled me during the crow situation. Ben’s missing his glasses, there’s a cut along his cheek oozing blood, and he’s favoring his left leg, but he’s in one piece, and that’s what matters.

      “You helped me. You didn’t have to, but you did. Thank you.” Warmth swims through me as I hold his gaze. It gives me hope that maybe, eventually, we’ll be okay.

      Ben’s eyes flicker, and just as quickly, his face hardens. “Don’t thank me. I did have to help you. You’re my partner in this hellhole, and I need you in order to pass this. That’s it. Don’t make it out to be more than it was.”

      My cheeks burn. Apparently, we won’t be okay any time soon. “Any kindness you show is a ruse, is that it?”

      He steps closer, his voice low and husky when he answers with, “That’s exactly it.” Ben stares at my mouth before moving back, taking all the air in the vicinity with him. He smirks dangerously. “Everything I do has an ulterior motive, and a selfish one at that. You would know exactly how that works, wouldn’t you?”

      I stamp my hands to my hips as I show him my profile, frustration and guilt slamming into me. “I explained—”

      “You didn’t explain, Avery.” Ben firmly takes my arm and turns me until I can only look at him. His scent is sweet and spicy, wrapping around me like a warm, angry blanket of sinful temptation. “You made excuses. Only thing is, there is no excuse for what you did.”

      Swallowing back the urge to try to, once again, make him understand my betrayal, I begin to walk. He’s right. What I did was shitty and uncalled for, and I have no good reason for my actions. I have my reasons, but they don’t justify my behavior, not toward Ben.

      I have not been myself since I moved from my home state of Montana to Illinois. I felt it was necessary to change my public demeanor, and I’ve been lost for a while now. Until I can be completely upfront with Ben, things are at a standstill. Possibly irreparable at this point.

      * * * *

      The sound of Ben’s voice directly behind me causes me to jump. “Have you seen the map?”

      I turn to face my coworker. He’s kneeling on the ground, digging through the backpack with a black expression on his face. One leg is straightened to keep his weight off it. The leg is toned and covered in fine hairs and cuts. He looks haggard and beat up by nature. I’m sure I don’t look any better.

      “I saw you put it in the backpack when we started up the last trail.” I think.

      The look on his face gets deadlier. “It’s not here.”

      Ben turns the look on me. Without his glasses, the fierceness of his eyes is harder to ignore. My breath catches. I’m glad the glasses are gone; they were hiding such loveliness. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I find Ben terribly attractive, even when he’s scowling at me, as he is now, and I guess, pretty much always. He makes me so mad with his rude behavior and then I have to retaliate.

      “We need that map,” he all but growls.

      “Maybe it somehow fell out of the backpack when you took a tumble down the mountain.”

      “Right. Only I didn’t take a tumble down the mountain.”

      The sharply spoken words echo through me, bringing an uncomfortable twinge with them.

      “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I reply with a sniff. “I mean, it’s possible it seemed like I pushed you, but—”

      “Where’s the compass?” Ben cuts in, his voice rough and unpleasant.

      “Compass?” I frown.

      “Yeah. Compass.” He turns to me. “The contraption that is going to tell us which direction to go and help us find the others, since we apparently have no map.”

      “I don’t know anything about a compass. Didn’t you have the compass?”

      Ben turns to stone. “I handed you a compass before we walked up the last hill.”

      I scrunch up my nose. “No. I don’t think so.”

      “I know I gave it to you.”

      “If you did, I’m sure I gave it back to you, or put it in the backpack. I don’t remember.” I truly don’t, and who can blame me? This whole filthy, uncivilized scenario has me traumatized.

      “Are you—are you kidding me?” Ben slams his hands on the top of his head and keeps them there. His shirt rides up, showing a hint of lean muscle.

      My heartrate trips and I redirect my gaze from him. “If I didn’t give it to you or put it in the bag, which I’m sure I did, it must have somehow been lost when I was attacked by that rabid bird. When I next see the employees of Extreme Retreat, I will demand to know why they allow birds out here. That’s completely uncalled for.”

      He sputters, his face turning red. “You lost it? You lost it?”

      Heat burns my cheeks. “Maybe? I don’t know. It isn’t like I planned on being chased by a crow. I could have gotten seriously hurt, and you’re worried about a stupid compass. You know, you could have at least tried to help me out, instead of falling down the side of the mountain.”

      Ben mutters something.

      “What? What was that?”

      “Son of a bitch.” Ben gets to his feet, heaves up the backpack, and flings it in the air. A bird squawks as the bag soars by, within inches of hitting it. He stalks toward me with a faint limp, danger dancing in the depths of his dark eyes. He looks like a beast. A virile, unstoppable machine of vengeance.

      “That was unnecessary.” I step back, and Ben follows.

      His voice is low and controlled when he tells me, “We are now out of a compass. Because you took it from me, along with the map, right before we climbed up the mountain you shoved me off.”

      “Shoved? That’s a little harsh.”

      I take another step back, and again, he closes the distance between us.

      “Okay. Then we’ll backtrack until we find it. It has to be around here somewhere.” My face burns under the force of Ben’s focus. “Why are you looking at me like that? What is it?”

      Time pauses as I watch a vein bulge in his forehead, and then СКАЧАТЬ