Love without a Compass. Lindy Zart

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СКАЧАТЬ looks at me, mud smeared across his face and hair. “Right, like you didn’t push me earlier.”

      Scowling, I look from him to the scene below, and then I shove off with my arms and careen downward, laughing wildly as I shoot down the mud slide. Head back, I whoop as I fly along the ridges and dips of the hill, jostled and jerked side to side, which makes me laugh more.

      “Avery! What the hell?” Ben hollers after me.

      “Come on, it’s fun!”

      I land on a bump, the air knocked from my lungs, and skid off course, rolling the rest of the way. Peals of ragged merriment leave me as I go. I don’t remember having this much fun ever. Maybe that one time when I was thirteen and my friend and I went on a carnival ride that made us spin upside down. I puked. I hope I don’t puke this time. I land on my back, arms and legs sprawled, eyes closed, laughing so hard I hiccup.

      A few short breaths later, Ben lands near me, his arm whacking my leg as he abruptly stops.

      I lift my head and grin at him. “Was that fun or what?”

      “I suppose sliding the rest of the way down the hill just happened too,” he gets out, panting.

      “You rolled all the way down, did you not?”

      “Yes,” he admits grudgingly.

      “Did you have fun?”

      “No.”

      I lift my eyebrows.

      “Maybe a little.” Ben winces and sits up. “I can’t believe you did that.”

      I eye his muddy exterior. “I could say the same about you.”

      The rain continues to come down, streaking our faces with tiny, dirty rivers.

      “You don’t fit with who you were at the office.” He glares at me as if this knowledge is one more thing to hold against me.

      “Yeah, well, neither do you.”

      “I am exactly as I’ve always been.” Ben gingerly stands, mud plopping from his clothes to the ground.

      Stuffy, by the books, anal. Yeah, he’s probably right.

      I sniff the air. It smells like worms, the realization jolting me to my feet in a flash. Worms can stay in the earth, where they belong. When the rain stops as suddenly as it started, and the sun appears, I blink in consternation. We are covered in mud that will soon dry to dirt. Wonderful. But then I notice something to the left of us and I don’t even care about the dirt.

      “Ben, look.” I grab his arm without thinking, squeezing as I point to the rainbow above the mountains, spanning forever and ending somewhere in the clouds we can’t see. It’s beautiful, and the sight of it brings me hope. I stand still, drinking it in. This is something I like about outside, along with air.

      Ben turns, standing beside me, his arm brushing mine. “I see it.”

      “Isn’t it breathtaking?”

      He doesn’t answer, but I don’t care.

      “In life, remember that rainbows always come after rain,” I murmur as I take in the colorful beam, thinking of my mom.

      “You pitched that for an inspirational greeting-card company.”

      “I did.”

      “After I pitched my own quote.”

      I bite my lip, turning away as I wince.

      Resentment coats his next words. “The company picked yours.”

      “Mine was better,” I retort. It was too; I’m not being conceited. “‘Only after the rain comes the rainbows’ isn’t as catchy.”

      “It is almost identical.” Ben sounds petulant.

      “Well, Duke thought mine was better.”

      “You basically worded yours the same as mine but acted like it was way different because you rearranged the sentence and added ‘in life’. So different.”

      I begin to walk, picking up my pace. “What’s your point?”

      “You stole my words and tweaked them. You’re a thief.”

      My back stiffens. I might be a thief, but it isn’t for stealing Ben’s words.

      “But then, I guess I already knew that,” he finishes.

      “Keep the barbs coming.” I clench my jaw. “I know they make you feel better.”

      “Not especially.”

      “All right, Ben,” I shout, throwing my hands in the air as I whirl around, startling him. “Let’s have it!”

      He blinks. “What?”

      “Tell me all the ways you hate me,” I urge. “Get it all out. Come on, it’s obvious you have a lot of reasons.”

      A glower takes over his features. “You act like I shouldn’t be mad about it.”

      “Mad? Yes. Yes, you should have been mad. But being mad forever does you more harm than it does me. It’s over. It’s done. I did a shitty thing and I can’t take it back. Either move on or—or get out of my life,” I stammer, not really meaning the words.

      His eyes harden. “Hard to do when we’re stuck together.”

      “Well, as soon as we aren’t, you can do it.”

      Ben nods. “I will do that. Because you know what, Avery? I quit.”

      Alarm puts a tight pressure in my chest. “What do you mean, you quit? Quit at what?”

      “Sanders and Sisters.” Ben looks as surprised as I am by his words, but then stubborn resolution takes over his features.

      “You can’t quit.”

      “I can do whatever the hell I want!” He steps closer, an edge to his voice, a glint of danger in his eyes. Ben looks like a swamp demon with the mud covering him and the maniacal glaze over his eyes. “You purposely made yourself indispensable to each Sanders and Sisters employee, but what pisses me off the most, is that for even one second, I actually thought you were genuine. You smiled pretty, and you laughed at the right times, and you acted like you cared.”

      I hide my eyes from Ben, my throat working but no sound coming forth.

      “Then, you went around and stole contracts right out from under me, looking all innocent and sweet while you did. But that’s not even the worst thing you did.”

      Still and silent, I listen to Ben’s wrath.

      Ben puts his face directly before mine, close enough that a lump of mud falls off his chin and onto my shoulder. “The worst thing you did, Avery, was make me think you were special.”

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