Prison Memoirs of an Anarchist. Berkman Alexander

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СКАЧАТЬ death watch? His outline is lost in the semi-darkness, but I see the whites of his eyes. They stare at me, they watch and follow me. I feel their gaze upon me, as I nervously pace the floor. Unconsciously my step quickens, but I cannot escape that glint of steel. It grimaces and mocks me. It dances before me: it is here and there, all around me. Now it flits up and down; it doubles, trebles. The fearful eyes stare at me from a hundred depressions in the wall. On every side they surround me, and bar my way.

      I bury my head in the pillow. My sleep is restless and broken. Ever the terrible gaze is upon me, watching, watching, the white eyeballs turning with my every movement.

      III

      The line of prisoners files by my cell. They walk in twos, conversing in subdued tones. It is a motley crowd from the ends of the world. The native of the western part of the State, the “Pennsylvania Dutchman,” of stolid mien, passes slowly, in silence. The son of southern Italy, stocky and black-eyed, alert suspicion on his face, walks with quick, nervous step. The tall, slender Spaniard, swarthy and of classic feature, looks about him with suppressed disdain. Each, in passing, casts a furtive glance into my cell. The last in the line is a young negro, walking alone. He nods and smiles broadly at me, exposing teeth of dazzling whiteness. The guard brings up the rear. He pauses at my door, his sharp eye measuring me severely, critically.

      “You may fall in.”

      The cell is unlocked, and I join the line. The negro is at my side. He loses no time in engaging me in conversation. He is very glad, he assures me, that they have at last permitted me to “fall in.” It was a shame to deprive me of exercise for four days. Now they will “call de night-dog off. Must been afeared o’ soocide,” he explains.

His flow of speech is incessant; he seems not a whit disconcerted by my evident disinclination to talk. Would I have a cigarette? May smoke in the cell. One can buy “de weed” here, if he has “de dough”; buy anything ’cept booze. He is full of the prison gossip. That tall man there is Jack Tinford, of Homestead—sure to swing—threw dynamite at the Pinkertons.46 That little “dago” will keep Jack company—cut his wife’s throat. The “Dutchy” there is “bugs”—choked his son in sleep. Presently my talkative companion volunteers the information that he also is waiting for trial. Nothing worse than second degree murder, though. Can’t hang him, he laughs gleefully. “His” man didn’t “croak” till after the ninth day. He lightly waves aside my remark concerning the ninth-day superstition. He is convinced they won’t hang him. “Can’t do’t,” he reiterates, with a happy grin. Suddenly he changes the subject. “Wat am yo doin’ heah? Only murdah cases on dis ah gal’ry. Yuh man didn’ croak!” Evidently he expects no answer, immediately assuring me that I am “all right.” “Guess dey b’lieve it am mo’ safe foah yo. But can’t hang yo, can’t hang yo.” He grows excited over the recital of his case. Minutely he describes the details. “Dat big niggah, guess ’e t’ot I’s afeared of ’m. He know bettah now,” he chuckles. “Dis ah chile am afeared of none ov’m. Ah ain’t. ‘Gwan ’way, niggah,’ Ah says to ’m; ‘yo bettah leab mah gahl be.’ An’ dat big black niggah grab de cleaveh,—we’s in d’otel kitchen, yo see. ‘Niggah, drop dat,’ Ah hollos, an’ he come at me. Den dis ah coon pull his trusty li’lle brodeh,” he taps his pocket significantly, “an’ Ah lets de ornery niggah hab it. Plum’ in de belly, yassah, Ah does, an’ he drop his cleaveh an’ Ah pulls mah knife out, two inches, ’bout, an’ den Ah gives it half twist like, an’ shoves it in ’gen.” He illustrates the ghastly motion. “Dat bad niggah neveh botheh me ’gen, noh nobody else, Ah guess. But dey can’t hang me, no sah, dey can’t, ’cause mah man croak two weeks later. Ah’s lucky, yassah, Ah is.” His face is wreathed in a broad grin, his teeth shimmer white. Suddenly he grows serious. “Yo am strikeh? No-o-o? Not a steel-woikeh?” with utter amazement. “What yo wan’ teh shoot Frick foah?” He does not attempt to disguise his impatient incredulity, as I essay an explanation. “Afeared t’ tell. Yo am deep all right, Ahlick—dat am yuh name? But yo am right, yassah, yo am right. Doan’ tell nobody. Dey’s mos’ly crooks, dat dey am, an’ dey need watchin’ sho’. Yo jes’ membuh dat.”

      There is a peculiar movement in the marching line. I notice a prisoner leave his place. He casts an anxious glance around, and disappears in the niche of the cell door. The line continues on its march, and, as I near the man’s hiding place, I hear him whisper, “Fall back, Aleck.” Surprised at being addressed in such familiar manner, I slow down my pace. The man is at my side.

      “Say, Berk, you don’t want to be seen walking with that ‘dinge.’”

      The sound of my shortened name grates harshly on my ear. I feel the impulse to resent the mutilation. The man’s manner suggests a lack of respect, offensive to my dignity as a revolutionist.

      “Why?” I ask, turning to look at him.

      He is short and stocky. The thin lips and pointed chin of the elongated face suggest the fox. He meets my gaze with a sharp look from above his smoked-glass spectacles. His voice is husky, his tone unpleasantly confidential. It is bad for a white man to be seen with a “nigger,” he informs me. It will make feeling against me. He himself is a Pittsburgh man for the last twenty years, but he was “born and raised” in the South, in Atlanta. They have no use for “niggers” down there, he assures me. They must be taught to keep their place, and they are no good, anyway. I had better take his advice, for he is friendly disposed toward me. I must be very careful of appearances before the trial. My inexperience is quite evident, but he “knows the ropes.” I must not give “them” an opportunity to say anything against me. My behavior in jail will weigh with the judge in determining my sentence. He himself expects to “get off easy.” He knows some of the judges. Mostly good men. He ought to know: helped to elect one of them; voted three times for him at the last election. He closes the left eye, and playfully pokes me with his elbow. He hopes he’ll “get before that judge.” He will, if he is lucky, he assures me. He had always had pretty good luck. Last time he got off with three years, though he nearly killed “his” man. But it was in self-defence. Have I got a chew of tobacco about me? Don’t use the weed? Well, it’ll be easier in the “pen.” What’s the pen? Why, don’t I know? The penitentiary, of course. I should have no fear. Frick ain’t going to die. But what did I want to kill the man for? I ain’t no Pittsburgh man, that he could see plain. What did I want to “nose in” for? Help the strikers? I must be crazy to talk that way. Why, it was none of my “cheese.” Didn’t I come from New York? Yes? Well, then, how could the strike concern me? I must have some personal grudge against Frick. Ever had dealings with him? No? Sure? Then it’s plain “bughouse,” no use talking. But it’s different with his case. It was his partner in business. He knew the skunk meant to cheat him out of money, and they quarreled. Did I notice the dark glasses he wears? Well, his eyes are bad. He only meant to scare the man. But, damn him, he croaked. Curse such luck. His third offence, too. Do I think the judge will have pity on him? Why, he is almost blind. How did he manage to “get his man”? Why, just an accidental shot. He didn’t mean to—

      The gong intones its deep, full bass.

      “All in!”

      The line breaks. There is a simultaneous clatter of many doors, and I am in the cell again.

      IV

      Within, on the narrow stool, I find a tin pan filled with a dark-brown mixture. It is the noon meal, but the “dinner” does not look inviting: the pan is old and rusty; the smell of the soup excites suspicion. The greasy surface, dotted here and there with specks of vegetable, resembles a pool of stagnant water covered with green slime. The first taste nauseates me, and I decide to “dine” on the remnants of my breakfast—a piece of bread.

      I pace the floor in agitation over the conversation with my ­fellow-prisoners. Why can’t they understand the motives that prompted my act? СКАЧАТЬ