THE FOUR GOSPELS (Les Quatre Évangiles). Эмиль Золя

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СКАЧАТЬ but as for me, it is all over; I am a wretch; I feel horrified with myself.”

      All his mediocrity and tenderness of heart sobbed forth in this confession of his weakness. And his voice never gave sign of animation, never rose in a louder tone from the depths of his annihilated being, which would evermore be void. “She wished to be gay, and rich, and happy,” he continued. “It was so legitimate a wish on her part, she was so intelligent and beautiful! There was only one delight for me, to content her tastes and satisfy her ambition. You know our new flat. We spent far too much money on it. Then came that story of the Credit National and the hope of speedily rising to fortune. And thus, when the trouble came, and I saw her distracted at the idea of having to renounce all her dreams, I became as mad as she was, and suffered her to do her will. We thought that our only means of escaping from everlasting penury and drudgery was to evade Nature, and now, alas! she lies there.”

      Morange’s lugubrious voice, never broken by a sob, never rising to violence, but sounding like a distant, monotonous, mournful knell, rent Mathieu’s heart. He sought words of consolation, and spoke of Reine.

      “Ah, yes!” said the other, “I am very fond of Reine. She is so like her mother. You will keep her at your house till tomorrow, won’t you? Tell her nothing; let her play; I will acquaint her with this dreadful misfortune. And don’t worry me, I beg you, don’t take me away. I promise you that I will keep very quiet: I will simply stay here, watching her. Nobody will even hear me; I shan’t disturb any one.”

      Then his voice faltered and he stammered a few more incoherent phrases as he sank into a dream of his wrecked life.

      Mathieu, seeing him so quiet, so overcome, at last decided to leave him there, and, entering the waiting cab, drove back to Grenelle. Ah! it was indeed relief for him to see the crowded, sunlit streets again, and to breathe the keen air which came in at both windows of the vehicle. Emerging from that horrid gloom, he breathed gladly beneath the vast sky, all radiant with healthy joy. And the image of Marianne arose before him like a consolatory promise of life’s coming victory, an atonement for every shame and iniquity. His dear wife, whom everlasting hope kept full of health and courage, and through whom, even amid her pangs, love would triumph, while they both held themselves in readiness for tomorrow’s allotted effort! The cab rolled on so slowly that Mathieu almost despaired, eager as he was to reach his bright little house, that he might once more take part in life’s poem, that august festival instinct with so much suffering and so much joy, humanity’s everlasting hymn, the coming of a new being into the world.

      That very day, soon after his return, Denis and Blaise, Ambroise, Rose, and Reine were sent round to the Beauchenes’, where they filled the house with their romping mirth. Maurice, however, was again ailing, and had to lie upon a sofa, disconsolate at being unable to take part in the play of the others. “He has pains in his legs,” said his father to Mathieu, when he came round to inquire after Marianne; “he’s growing so fast, and getting such a big fellow, you know.”

      Lightly as Beauchene spoke, his eyes even then wavered, and his face remained for a moment clouded. Perhaps, in his turn, he also had felt the passing of that icy breath from the unknown which one evening had made Constance shudder with dread whilst she clasped her swooning boy in her arms.

      But at that moment Mathieu, who had left Marianne’s room to answer Beauchene’s inquiries, was summoned back again. And there he now found the sunlight streaming brilliantly, like a glorious greeting to new life. While he yet stood there, dazzled by the glow, the doctor said to him: “It is a boy.”

      Then Mathieu leant over his wife and kissed her lovingly. Her beautiful eyes were still moist with the tears of anguish, but she was already smiling with happiness.

      “Dear, dear wife,” said Mathieu, “how good and brave you are, and how I love you!”

      “Yes, yes, I am very happy,” she faltered, “and I must try to give you back all the love that you give me.”

      Ah! that room of battle and victory, it seemed radiant with triumphant glory. Elsewhere was death, darkness, shame, and crime, but here holy suffering had led to joy and pride, hope and trustfulness in the coming future. One single being born, a poor bare wee creature, raising the faint cry of a chilly fledgeling, and life’s immense treasure was increased and eternity insured. Mathieu remembered one warm balmy spring night when, yonder at Chantebled, all the perfumes of fruitful nature had streamed into their room in the little hunting-box, and now around him amid equal rapture he beheld the ardent sunlight flaring, chanting the poem of eternal life that sprang from love the eternal.

      VII

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      “I TELL you that I don’t need Zoe to give the child a bath,” exclaimed Mathieu half in anger. “Stay in bed, and rest yourself!”

      “But the servant must get the bath ready,” replied Marianne, “and bring you some warm water.”

      She laughed as if amused by the dispute, and he ended by laughing also.

      Two days previously they had reinstalled themselves in the little pavilion on the verge of the woods near Janville which they rented from the Seguins. So impatient, indeed, were they to find themselves once more among the fields that in spite of the doctor’s advice Marianne had made the journey but fifteen days after giving birth to her little boy. However, a precocious springtide brought with it that March such balmy warmth and sunshine that the only ill-effect she experienced was a little fatigue. And so, on the day after their arrival — Sunday — Mathieu, glad at being able to remain with her, insisted that she should rest in bed, and only rise about noon, in time for dejeuner.

      “Why,” he repeated, “I can very well attend to the child while you rest. You have him in your arms from morning till night. And, besides, if you only knew how pleased I am to be here again with you and the dear little fellow.”

      He approached her to kiss her gently, and with a fresh laugh she returned his kiss. It was quite true: they were both delighted to be back at Chantebled, which recalled to them such loving memories. That room, looking towards the far expanse of sky and all the countryside, renascent, quivering with sap, was gilded with gayety by the early springtide.

      Marianne leant over the cradle which was near her, beside the bed. “The fact is,” said she, “Master Gervais is sound asleep. Just look at him. You will never have the heart to wake him.”

      Then both father and mother remained for a moment gazing at their sleeping child. Marianne had passed her arm round her husband’s neck and was clinging to him, as they laughed delightedly over the cradle in which the little one slumbered. He was a fine child, pink and white already; but only a father and mother could thus contemplate their offspring. As the baby opened his eyes, which were still full of all the mystery whence he had come, they raised exclamations full of emotion.

      “You know, he saw me!”

      “Certainly, and me too. He looked at me: he turned his head.”

      “Oh, the cherub!”

      It was but an illusion, but that dear little face, still so soft and silent, told them so many things which none other would have heard! They found themselves repeated in the child, mingled as it were together; and detected extraordinary likenesses, which for hours and for days kept them discussing the question as to which of them he most resembled. Moreover, each proved very obstinate, declaring that he was the living portrait of the other.

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