Your Daughter. Girls’ Association Schools

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      Chapter 2

       Growing up

      Your daughter may start her life as a bold, brave tomboy, as a shy sensitive soul or as a dancing princess. As she grows she may well be all of these and more. As she explores her potential, her enthusiasms and her capabilities, how will you help her value herself for who she is rather than who she thinks she ought to be?

      To acquire the self esteem that is essential for her emotional health and success she needs your guidance to discover her strengths, whether they are academic or sporting, social or emotional. She needs your help to deal with the inevitable disappointments and failures. She needs your encouragement to take risks so she can become brave, resilient and realistic.

      Alcohol and Drugs

      Your daughter is likely to face social pressures as she matures, including being urged to drink alcohol and perhaps to take drugs. She is most likely to be able to make sensible, informed decisions if she has good self-esteem and a strong sense of self-worth. By setting a good example and by communicating frequently in a non-judgemental way you will give her the best chance of keeping herself safe and maintaining her personal integrity. The media is full of poor role models and of stories of teenagers’ bad behaviour; by talking to her you can explain your concerns in a calm and loving way so that she will come to you first when she is worried or feeling pressured.

      Teenagers and alcohol

      Why has teenage drinking increased so dramatically – and, at times, so dangerously – in recent years? If it is because our children have low self-esteem, lack of social confidence or have some other deep-seated psychological issues, the underlying cause must be found and dealt with.

      For the majority of teenage carousers, however, it isn’t anything serious – it’s just those ever-present favourite motivators for nearly all teenage behaviour, ‘having a laugh’, appearing ‘cool’ and being incapable of predicting consequences.

      We can tell them until we are blue in the face that getting drunk is dangerous, causes road accidents (pedestrians as well as drivers), leads to people doing all sorts of things they’ll be embarrassed about for a long time to come and for girls can often be a factor in rape or sexual assault, but they are unlikely to pay much attention.

      As usual, the tactic that won’t work is a lecture on irresponsible behaviour. Instead, try to think laterally:

      • Do they want to have fun, be silly and let their hair down? Instead, how about a day at a theme park, laser tag, a visit to a racecourse or dog track, quad biking or abseiling?

      • Do they want to feel adult and sophisticated? Instead, how about cocktails with all the trimmings but no alcohol? How about a group of parents hiring a disco for the kids? How about a party with great dance tracks and a punch that is rumoured to contain vodka? (Of course, it doesn’t, but you wouldn’t be the first parents to carry off that particular white lie!)

      It is often suggested that allowing children a small amount of alcohol at home (the French wine and water model) can help to deglamorise later drinking at clubs. A good Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) programme at school should give teenagers plenty to think about as well as some hard information on the contents of alcopops and the potentially lethal combined effect of vodka and Red Bull, etc. If real shock tactics are called for, you could make them stay sober at a party where everyone else is drinking, or video them while under the influence themselves. It’s not funny the next day.

      Getting drunk is not a phenomenon that is new to the present generation and making mistakes is part of growing up. However, we must try to protect our youngsters against making mistakes that could affect their lives permanently.

      Teenage parties and alcohol

      Most parents are worried about their children coming into contact with drugs, but the real social evil is alcohol. With spirits retailing at less than £10 a bottle in supermarkets, most teenagers can afford to pick up a bottle with their pocket money. Fake IDs are routine, and there is usually an older teen around to effect the transaction. The prevalence of alcopops has taken away one of the greatest bars on teenage drinking – the taste. Most young teenagers don’t like the taste of beer, wine or cider. Alcopops vary in their alcoholic content, but they appeal to those with a sweet tooth, go down like fizzy drinks and have become an entry level to drinking spirits. It is no surprise that teenage drinking is now a national problem.

      The world of teenage parties and alcohol is one of the most difficult situations that parents face. Children will always try to play parents off against each other – ‘So-and-so’s parents let them, you are SO tight!’ – and the consequence is that it is tempting for parents to default to the level of the most liberal of parents. It is important that parents establish good lines of communication between each other and that they are clear about a number of keys issues, namely:

      • at what age alcohol will be available

      • the amount and type of alcohol that will be provided

      • what levels of supervision will be in place throughout a party If alcohol is to be allowed at a party, limit access to wines and beers only (e.g. no spirits). Although alcopops, which are particularly popular with girls, blur the spirit/non-spirit divide, at least they are a ‘measured’ drink. A strong, active adult presence at all teenage parties is essential. ‘Policing’ duties range from excluding gate-crashers to being alert to ‘smuggled in’ illicit additional supplies of alcohol. A minimum of three adults at a ratio of one adult to ten teenagers should provide a good level of supervision and sufficient cover if anything goes wrong.

      Alcohol is a normal part of adult society, and it is important that young people learn to drink responsibly. This skill is best taught in the home, with parents perhaps offering a glass of wine with a meal or when at a family gathering. Supervision is the key. The greatest dangers come when teenagers are given an opportunity to have access to alcohol – especially spirits – away from the home or behind closed doors.

      Most importantly, parents should not underestimate the part that we play as role models to our children. Young people will pay more attention to what we do than to what we say.

      Alcohol — how to spot if your child is drinking too much, the signs and how to tackle them

      We should be under no illusions – alcohol can be extremely dangerous for children and teenagers, and you are right to be concerned if you think that your child is drinking. While СКАЧАТЬ