Emotional Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield

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      This means that the pituitary glands of people suffering from PTSD are constantly over-worked and that it is much more difficult for them to reach a state of relaxation.

      Survivors of major disasters will often find themselves responding to minor emotional problems many years after the event as though these were major emergencies, and will find it very difficult to control their anxiety responses. This behaviour often makes it difficult for them to hold down a job or maintain relationships.

When feelings are running deep, the emergency fight/flight/freeze centre is set off. The action it initiates can only be either aggressive or passive.

      This means that it is extremely difficult to be assertive or maintain a win/win approach when our emotions are highly aroused.

      A normally shrewd manager could become unwisely impatient if his or her anger is aroused during a negotiation process.

The fight/flight/freeze response cannot produce new ideas or adapt to new applications and new situations. It therefore often prompts out-of-date or inappropriate responses.

      This means that even the most confident, capable and creative adults often respond predictably when they perceive themselves to be threatened.

      A medium-sized parent may impose unenforceable restrictions on a rebellious large-sized teenager as though their relationship had backtracked 10 years.

Our fight/flight/freeze centre can initiate action much more quickly than our thinking brain. Its instructions to the other parts of the brain to produce the necessary chemical formulae and set in action appropriate motor responses are sent in a matter of milliseconds.

      This means that, although evolution has provided us with thinking centres which can control feeling responses. They are much slower off the mark than our primitive fight/flight/freeze response.

      At the sound of a sudden loud crash we can find ourselves shouting (maybe just like our parents or teachers) at an innocent child who tripped and accidentally pulled the table-cloth when we would have preferred to respond in a more nurturing fashion.

After a ‘silly’, inappropriate fight, flight or freeze response, our thinking brain centres try to make sense of what has happened.

      This means that we automatically start to rationalize our behaviour as soon as we are aware that we have made an emotional mistake.

      Attributing the blame for our own embarrassing and regrettable outburst to someone else’s ‘impossible personality’ or the ‘state of the kitchen’.

       An Embarrassing Tale

      This true story is a good illustration of my own primitive emotional centre leaping into action without consulting my ‘higher’, thinking brain.

      One weekend I was walking with my husband in the depths of a large deserted forest at dusk when we heard a noise which sounded similar to a loud growl. Here’s my understanding of what must have happened internally – all within a split second of time and all without my conscious consent!

      My brain picks up an auditory signal (‘Howl’):

      → senses its relevance to my well-being (‘Start emotional response’)

      → scans its emotional memory-bank and finds a pre-historic memory (‘Prowling wild animal!’)

      → scans for blueprints and finds one (‘Wild bears in deserted forest approaching unarmed fragile creatures!’)

      → reads instructions (‘Stay still, stay quiet and make hasty retreat!’)

      → declares emergency and sends message to direct limbic system (‘Crisis! Flight response required urgently’)

      → message to motor response department (‘Freeze limbs for .25 seconds please!’)

      → message to eyes (‘Open wide and scan field for best route out’)

      → message to the pituitary glands to secrete increase of adrenalin (‘Give extra strength to heart, lungs and legs as soon as eyes find route’)

      → message to sweat glands (‘Open up – let perspiration out – skin needs cooling’)

      → message to heart (‘Beat faster and divert blood supply to legs’)

      → message to respiratory department (‘Expand lungs and inhale deep breaths of oxygen’)

      → message to legs (‘Set in motion and head speedily back to civilization!’) Two minutes later, when traffic from nearby road is heard:

      → message to all emergency centres (‘Crisis over, fragile creatures now in sight of safety zone – relax and resume normal functioning’)

      → my thinking centre takes over the action (‘Try and make sense of that!)

      → major analysis of emotional concoction (relief – at not going to be eaten by wild animal; embarrassment – it was a forest in Hampshire – not a jungle!; disappointment – at being deprived of peaceful walk; anger – at self for reacting in such a ridiculously primitive manner; and guilt – due to jibes at husband for not being more reassuring)

      → sends an action message to my speech centre (‘Talk about the experience to husband, as he did an instant about turn too.’)

      → incident concludes with neat rationalization (‘It wasn’t that silly a reaction – after all there is a zoo nearby – it could have been an escaped animal: remember the story in last month’s paper!’)

      A couple of weeks later when I was dipping into my literature on emotions to prepare for writing this chapter I was reminded that my primitive response has a long and noble history. It has saved the lives of countless generations of my protomammalian ancestors, so perhaps I should start being proud of it and more understanding when it makes the odd mistake!

      Instant Exercise

      Think of a similar embarrassing tale of your own (you don’t need to publish yours!)

       HOW LONG DOES AN EMOTION LAST?

      Psychologists say that the life of an emotion is very short – usually only a few brief seconds, and at most several minutes. They believe that emotions which last longer than a few minutes are in reality a number of different individual sets of recurring responses.

       WHAT IS A MOOD?

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