Emotional Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield

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СКАЧАТЬ in action. If you are keen to drive in the emotional fast lane of life and open up your throttle to deep passion and thrilling excitement, you’d be well advised to aim for advanced standards. But for the moment, why not see if you are fit enough to cruise competently with more everyday feelings?

      I have prepared the following checklists so that you can review your competence in the three areas where you need to have good control: your body, mind, and behaviour. Have a notebook and pen handy – I suggest you pause between doing each checklist (and perhaps reward yourself!).

       CHECKLIST 1: HOW GOOD IS YOUR CONTROL OVER YOUR PHYSICAL RESPONSES?

       Breathing

On feeling fear, anger or excitement, should you find yourself beginning to hyperventilate (breathing shallowly and quickly from your upper chest), can you quickly return your breathing back to its normal pattern?

      If not, it’s time to practise some deep breathing exercises. These can be learned from most stress-management books and courses, any Yoga practitioner or a physiotherapist.

       Muscle Tension

Do you have a technique (other than taking a painkiller) which you use on a regular basis to release built-up tension (e.g. headache or backache) which has been caused by having to hold in feelings?

      If not, learn one quickly and practise it daily. Simple techniques such as tensing and relaxing each muscle individually can be learned from cassettes. If they fail, you could try consulting a specialist such as an Autogenic Relaxation trainer. Here’s one of my favourite Quick Relaxers.

Instant Relaxation Close your eyes. Uncross any crossed limbs and check that your body feels firmly supported. As you breathe in deeply, imagine that through every pore of your body you are taking in relaxing energy in the form of white light; pause for a brief moment, and then, as you breathe out, imagine that you are releasing a warm orange glow through every pore. Do this several times until you feel your limbs are free of tension, and then allow your imagination to take you to one of your favourite relaxing places. Absorb the scene for a moment, and then focus your mind’s eye on one specific object while breathing naturally and easily for about five minutes, letting your body feel lighter and lighter. I always focus on the fountain in our garden in Spain, but you could equally well use the face of someone you love, a treasured object or a favourite flower. If you do this relaxation technique regularly over a period of time, you will eventually find that you can get an instant sense of peace just by closing your eyes and bringing your object into your mind, because your brain has formed a neural connection between this image in your memory and its relaxation response.

Can you name one aromatherapy oil which is known to induce physical calm, and one which has the opposite effect?

      If not, take yourself to the aromatherapy stall in your chemist, or sign up for an evening class and treat yourself to a burner or some appropriately scented candles.

Do you do some physical exercise at least three times a week which gives you an opportunity to discharge pent-up energy and tension?

      If not, make a date with your sports centre, buy an exercise video, borrow a dog to walk or (if you’re like our family and you need a push) get yourself a personal trainer!

       Diet

Can you name six kinds of foods and three drinks which create unrest in the body and heightened activity in the mind? Can you name 10 foods and three drinks which you always include in your diet when you know you are likely to become emotionally fraught?

      If not, consult a dietitian, read a book on the subject or visit your local health food shop.

       Catharsis

Can you name three ways which you regularly use to give expression to your positive feelings?

      If not, book a seat for a comedy show once a month; take a trip to the Fun Fair; take dancing lessons and get yourself a hug!

Can you name your favourite safe (and socially acceptable) way of giving physical release to the following feelings: fear/mild frustration/anger/disappointment/sadness?

      If not, buy a squeezy stress ball; find a cushion which can stand a thump; get some voice training; buy a CD of ‘weepy’ music (I have one of weepy extracts from the classics) and stock up on tissues.

       Professional Help

Can you name three kinds of professional helpers you could turn to should you need an extra dose of stress-relieving therapy?

      If not, consult a directory of complementary medicine practitioners or the appropriate listing in your Yellow Pages.

       CHECKLIST 2: HOW GOOD IS YOUR CONTROL OVER YOUR MIND’S RESPONSES?

Can you name three common irrational thinking habits which people tend to use when they feel depressed or under stress?

      If not, learn my GEE Strategy immediately! (Photocopy and pin up in a prominent place.)

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