Earth to Hell. Kylie Chan

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СКАЧАТЬ resheathing the sword I held it over the back of my wrist. Red, I willed, please be red, and then lightly ran the blade crosswise over my wrist. Red blood welled where the impossibly sharp blade touched me. I raised the blade a few centimetres above the wound and the blood spun up from my arm and disappeared into the dark metal. I returned the blade to its scabbard on my back, then concentrated and healed the wound.

      Oh God, Emma, I’m sorry, Simone said into my head. I completely forgot.

      Tell her, not a problem, I said to the stone.

      Yes, a problem! she retorted. What if it had been black?

      I shrugged imperceptibly.

      The dragon had watched me feed the blade with wide eyes. He pulled himself together and turned back to Simone, defiant again. ‘What else, Princess?’

      ‘Next you must defeat me in battle,’ Simone said, perfectly calm. She raised Seven Stars to the side. ‘Again, not to the death, as I also am not Immortal.’

      ‘And?’ the dragon said.

      ‘Then, after defeating Lady Emma, and defeating me, the suitor must embrace me.’ She summoned yin over her raised arms so that it floated around her pale hands and the blade of the sword. ‘Embrace me, and my nature. Embrace my yin.’

      The dragon gasped and took a step back. ‘Touch the yin?’

      ‘Embrace the yin,’ Simone said, her voice still echoing eerily. ‘Embrace my true nature.’

      The hall filled with complete silence as the dragon watched the yin writhe over Simone’s arms and the enormous blade.

      He fell to one knee and bowed his head. ‘I withdraw my challenge.’

      Phew, Simone said. He’s a good fighter too.

      ‘Go with honour, Dragon Lord,’ Simone said out loud. ‘I am honoured by your attention.’ She raised her head. ‘Those are the conditions for any who wishes to have my hand. Defeat Lady Emma. Defeat me. And then embrace my yin.’

      She dismissed Seven Stars, changed back to human form, and nodded to the Jade Emperor. ‘Celestial Majesty. By your leave, Lady Emma and I must prepare for a journey to Hell.’

      ‘Dismissed,’ the Jade Emperor said. His eyes were full of amusement. Excellent job. Well done. Bai Hu is going to shout at you for a long time, Simone, but don’t worry, it will work out.

      I held my hand out and the Tiger passed the ruyi back to me. Simone and I fell to one knee and saluted the Jade Emperor as senior Retainers, then turned and walked out of the hall together, with the Tiger and Kwan Yin following.

      General Qin appeared in the doorway. ‘Holy Bodhisattva Kwan Yin. Lady Emma Donahoe, Confirmed Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens, First Heavenly General. Lord Bai Hu, Emperor of the Western Heavens. Princess Simone, only human daughter of the Dark Lord of the Northern Heavens.’ Great job, ladies.

      Oh. You didn’t have the precedence until you were off probation, Simone said. Way to go, Emma. First Heavenly General! Way cool!

      ‘You say cool far too much,’ I growled under my breath.

      A litany followed me down the stairs back to the preparation room. Cool cool cool cool cool!

      Bai Hu leaned his elbows on the dining table and held his head in his hands. He rubbed his hands over his face and looked at us, despairing. ‘I really don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with you two. That was beyond stupid.’

      ‘I thought we handled it okay, Uncle Bai,’ Simone said. ‘At least we won’t have all these Celestials trying to marry me.’

      ‘Expect at least two dozen challenges in the next two weeks, Emma,’ Bai Hu said.

      ‘No way,’ I said. ‘If they win, they have to face Simone. And if they win that, they have to touch the yin. They don’t have the nerve.’

      ‘Nothing to do with the yin, girls. Simone, you just declared open season on Emma. Anyone who wants to match skills with her can try. Every guy in Heaven who thinks he’s halfway good will be calling her out.’

      ‘Oh.’ Simone’s face fell. ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’ She turned to me, full of remorse. ‘I’m so sorry, Emma.’

      I shrugged. ‘Not an issue. I’ll be able to practise against some good opponents, it’s not to the death, and if they win, they won’t dare to take it further because they’re all scared to death of the yin.’

      ‘And another thing,’ the Tiger said. ‘You said that anybody that wants your hand has to do these three things. What, you plan on never having a boyfriend at all? You gonna be a goddamn nun? How many guys out there can actually physically touch yin? Guys that aren’t related to you, daughter of yin? You just made yourself pretty much permanently unavailable for marriage for the rest of your life.’

      Simone shrugged. ‘So? I’ll just never marry. If I really like a guy we’ll move in together.’

      ‘It’s your hand in the sense of your hand in the bond of love, Simone,’ the Tiger said grimly. ‘More than just marriage. If you want to have a live-in relationship with anybody, Celestial or human, they have to touch the yin.’

      Simone opened her mouth and then closed it again.

      ‘Don’t worry about it, Simone,’ I said. ‘We’ll just cross that bridge when we come to it. It’ll work out. Use the declaration as a shield. When you’re older and ready, you can change it.’

      ‘You can’t change something like that,’ the Tiger said, still grim.

      ‘Whatever. Right now it’ll keep all those losers off your back.’

      ‘Starting with that little blue creep,’ Simone said with relish. ‘God, I loved the look on his face when he thought about touching the yin. He’s been so arrogant, expecting me to just fall at his feet because he’s so freaking gorgeous.’

      ‘He’s Qing Long’s,’ I said. ‘I wonder if any of his children haven’t inherited his attitude?’

      ‘Nope,’ the Tiger said.

      ‘So. Hell,’ Simone said. ‘Help us out here, Uncle Bai. What do we need to take with us?’

      Bai Hu leaned back and put his hands on the table. ‘Right. Hell. This is what you need to do.’

      I came around on the couch at home, with the Tiger’s concerned face above me. I sat up. ‘I’m okay.’

      Simone sat on the opposite couch, still in her robes.

      ‘How long was I out this time?’ I said.

      ‘Only a couple of minutes. It’s quicker every time. Soon you’ll be able to transport without losing consciousness at all,’ the Tiger said.

      Monica heard us and came out of the kitchen. ‘Welcome back, ma’am.’ She saw the armour СКАЧАТЬ