Название: Kevin Kramer Starts on Monday
Автор: Debbie Graber
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Юмористическая фантастика
isbn: 9781939419897
isbn:
3. What will happen to the company’s long-term profitability in the wake of the software disappearance?
This is also proprietary information.
4. Third quarter has come and gone. What happened to the hard release date for MPM 3.0?
Again, proprietary.
5. Was the software-questions e-mail queue shut down because it was a portal to another dimension?
Improbable. Also, proprietary.
6. Where is my manager?
Many managers have taken paid stress leave. Others are not returning e-mails or phone calls. Try to exercise patience with the managers who remain.
7. Will Production Solutions be in existence for the long haul?
Who of us is in existence for the long haul?
8. Why did facilities remove all the ficus trees from the lobby? The ficus trees were not performing to the best of their abilities. If you have additional questions, please write them down for next year’s town hall meeting, which has yet to be scheduled.
[email protected]—Out-of-office auto-reply:
Please join us in the second-floor conference room at three o’clock. Neither cake nor coffee will be served, but we wanted to gather all remaining Production Solutions employees and commend you for your loyalty nevertheless.
If you are reading this e-mail, congratulations. You have braved much insecurity. Since most of the facilities department has defected to Entertainment Options, even getting into the elevators these days entails great bravery. While we no longer have the funds to pay for gift cards, bonuses, or salaries, there is something to be said for togetherness. If any of you would like to say a few words, tell a joke, or sing a song, even a sad one such as “Danny Boy,” you will be welcome to do so. We no longer care if you can carry a tune. It was wrong of us to snicker at James Lalange’s karaoke version of “Purple Rain” at last year’s holiday party. It’s the small cruelties that add up, in the end.
If you want, we can reminisce about the old days. Remember Luz Endoso’s world-famous pansit noodles? The semiannual bingo tournaments? The comforting, low-level hum of Bob Ferrara’s nebulizer?
On second thought, let’s not talk about those things anymore. Let’s talk about something else.
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