The Dating Game. Carolyn Caterer

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СКАЧАТЬ and minimalist. Tell me, where did you get it from?”

      “Oh it belongs to my ex – she’s got a new kitchen for her new place so I’m having the one she’s taking out as it is in good shape”

      “Right. Very generous of her…… been on any holidays recently?” I couldn’t carry on with this kitchen question with every sentence that was coming from his lips mentioning this ex. My warning siren was beeping a little more loudly and part of me wanted to cut my losses and run, but it had taken me quite an effort to get this first date and I wasn’t one for giving in at the first sign of a challenge, so I decided a change of subject would be the best strategy. I awaited his response with interest and, to be honest, a fair dollop of smugness at the way I was handling the conversation so far.

      “No, I was planning to go to Italy but that was the last place I went with my ex so I don’t really feel like going back there at the moment”

      “OK. How about sport – do you like watching or playing anything in particular like football, F1, rugby, cricket?” Despite the warning siren in my head beeping more loudly and urgently I was determined to give him another chance and, knowing that many women have no interest in sport, I felt I had to be onto a good subject here with him unable to refer back to his ex.

      “I don’t watch any sport as I don’t have a TV”

      “But you work for Sony how can you not have a television, isn’t that contrary to company policy?!” I was actually even more impressed at my witty repartee, bearing in mind he was actually becoming quite hard work with his short and negative replies, but I wasn’t giving up yet. I sneaked a glance at my watch and realised a mere thirty minutes had passed, which meant that I had a fair way to go before I reached my target of spending an hour in his company.

      “I did have a television, but I let my ex take it when she moved out”

      At that stage I was beginning to wonder if he could hold a conversation on any subject without mention of the ex or the “Sainted One” as she was now appearing in my head. Mind you I think she must have been a saint to have put up with a man who was rapidly becoming one of the dullest men I have ever had coffee with. He appeared to be making very little effort when it came to answering my questions, so I sat in silence to tempt him to ask me something about myself.

      I looked directly at him and raised my right eyebrow in what I hoped was an encouraging and expectant manner, so that he would come up with a question for me, or say anything to keep the conversation moving.

      Silence descended over us. I refused to look away willing Ian to make some effort to engage me in conversation. Instead he focussed on his empty coffee cup with such intensity that I began to wonder if he would be more happy holding a conversation with a piece of china than he would me.

      After another minute or so of excruciating silence, I had had enough. I decided that I had run out of patience and conversation. It was time to make my exit, so I looked at my watch and then back at him with a surprised expression.

      “Goodness me, is that the time, I promised I would go and see my Mum and she will be wondering where I am if I don’t get there soon. Thanks ever so much for meeting me but I really must go”

      I stood up and shook his hand (at this point I want to give you potential internet-daters a little tip; shaking hands in the M&S cafeteria is designed to make about eighty people turn around and stare, as it is quite a rare sight and by now it seemed obvious to me that they had all worked out that we didn’t know each other at all and our cover was blown).

      “Nice to meet you to. Have a nice time at your Mum’s”

      I put on my coat and tried to walk out the store, as opposed to run out like an Olympic sprinter, which believe me, was tempting. I felt I was gasping for oxygen after all the effort it had taken to talk to him and that I had invested a fair bit of time and effort on someone who was completely stuck in the past with his ex-girlfriend. I even began to wonder if he would have been happier if his ex had come along with him to meet me, he seemed to be so lost without her and not at all in the frame of mind for finding someone new.

      I sat in the car and sent a quick text to my girlfriends with one word that summed it up:

      DIRE!

      Then I turned the key in the ignition and headed out of the car park as fast as I could and made my way back home.

      *****************************************************

      Erica munched thoughtfully on her chocolate digestive, while I gave her the full account of my meeting with Ian and how frustrated I felt about it all.

      “OK so I accept that wasn’t the best start. However let’s look at it this way; it was only your first internet date, so you have nothing to compare it to.”

      “What, are you trying to cheer me up by saying that there could be worse dates out there?!!”

      “Well, no of course not. However you had no idea about the ex issue, so maybe it would be a good idea to establish early on in the emails exactly how long it is since they have split up. That way you can eliminate the ones with too much recent baggage to be a potential suitor”

      “Jane Austen would be proud of you Erica.”

      “Well you know what they say about the course of true love and it took Matt five years to see the light and propose to me”

      “Yes I know but you did meet when you were in your twenties!!”

      “OK I get your point but, tell me honestly Jen, do you wish that you were with any of your exes?”

      “No” I sighed. “It wouldn’t have worked out with any of them, I am sure about that. I don’t have any regrets, but boy, had I seen the future I would have perhaps made a bit more of an effort to meet a more suitable man than the ones that I have attracted so far.”

      “Well there is no point beating yourself up about the past. We are going to concentrate on the present and the future only and find you the perfect guy”

      “The perfect guy is a myth, he doesn’t exist or if he does he’s been bagged already”

      “Ok let’s reframe that and make it the perfect guy for you.”

      “God Erica, you can tell you’ve been reading a bunch of self-help books recently. Has business been a bit slow in the shop of late?!”

      “Actually we have had a bumper month, so you can stop being so sarcastic Ms Butler. There is a huge demand for personal development books, they are some of our best sellers, so of course I read the latest ones so I can recommend them to my customers. I have put many of the ideas into practise know they work, so stop the negative attitude and remember the mantra……”

      “Do I have to?”

      “Yes!!! Say it say it!!!”

      “What would Madonna do?!”

      “Absolutely! Jen, just use her as your inspiration, and don’t take any shit from anyone! Just say СКАЧАТЬ