Raising a Smile for Northern Ireland Children's Hospice. Brian Boone's Bailie

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      “No. I almost bought one of those, but the man said my bath wasn’t big enough.”

      “M,….. A D-R?”

      “I had one of those last year, but it got caught in the headlights.”

      “M,…. N N?”

      “Oh, I’d love one of those, but you know I’m allergic to feathers, (although I would love to keep one to get nice fresh eggs each morning).”

      “O! X. X R L-T 4 U. F U N-E X?”

      “No, I’m sorry. There are no eggs left.”

      “U 8 L D X?”

      “I didn’t eat them all. My new pet ate them all up for his breakfast. Come on now, guess what my new pet is. Here’s a clue: he’s very big.”

      “O! M,…. N L-F-N?”

      “Yes, that’s right. But I think he’s a magic one, because every night I give him a nice new bed of hay, and every morning it’s all disappeared.”

      “D A S L O-A?”

      “Yes, I’ve no idea where it all goes to.”

      “D L-F-N 8 L D A.”

      “Do you think so? The man told me that this elephant only eats eggs.”

      “D L-F-N 8 L D A 4 N-R-G.”

      Grrr! If I’d known that I wouldn’t have given him all my eggs for breakfast. Doe! That’s really, really annoying. I love eggs. Grrrr,…. huff.”

      “Y R U Y-N-N?”

      “Because he ate all the hay, and then he ate all my lovely eggs. Bad elephant.”

      “R U O-K?”

      “Yes. I’m just really cross. He’s a very naughty elephant. Where did he go to?”

      “E S N D I-V.”

      “Aww, no! It took ages to grow that.”

      “I N-V U.”

      “Why? Because I have an elephant who eats his bed, and eats all my eggs, and is now destroying my garden?”

      “I M 2 O-L 4 N L-F-N.”

      “Well, elephants certainly can be very annoying, but you’re not too old to own one.”

      “S I M. I F O-L H.”

      “Catch yourself on. You’re not too old; not yet.”

      “S I M. I M 2 O-L 4 N L-F-N.”

      Yeah. Well maybe you’re right. But you have a lovely little pet bird, don’t you?”

      “A J.”

      “Yes. A jay. From India, isn’t it?”

      “S. N N-D-N J. A B-U-T.”

      “Oh, that sounds much better than an elephant.”

      “S. N D J S X.”

      “Really? How many does your jay lay each day?”

      “N X-S F 5 X.”

      “Five? Your jay lays more than five eggs each day?”

      “S.”

      “And you come to my house and ask me for my eggs?”

      “S. X R L-T 4 U. X R 4 N-R-G.”

      “Aww! That’s just greedy. Why you’re just as bad as my greedy elephant.”

      “M I?”

      “Yes, you flipping are. Huh! I can’t believe it! I hate you”

      “I H U 2.”

      “Yeah, well I hate you more.”

      “U R N N-M-E.”

      “You better believe it, Alexander. Go on, get out. Get back in the elevator, and buzz off.

      “I M N D Q 4 D L-F-8-R.”

      “You don’t need to queue for it.”

      “D L-F-8-R S M-T?”

      “Yes, now get out. Get out, and take my greedy elephant with you.”

      “O, N-Q.”

      SuperBowen and the Snowman by Bowen

      Once upon a time it was a nice winter day. The birds where tweeting, and the snow was snowing, and the children were playing.

      Well, there were nine children making a snowman, and they found a hat, and it was a magic hat, but the children didn't know it was a magic hat until the snowman came to life. And it was a bad snowman.

      The bad snowman started to make lots of other bad snowmen attack all the people. There were 300 bad snowmen all trying to attack the people. So the army came out to stop the snowmen, but there were way too many snowmen.

      Then SuperBowen came flying by, and he saw the big fight, and he shouted, “Quickly everyone, go and boil your kettles.”

      So all the people boiled their kettles and started pouring boiling water to melt the snowmen. “Aaaaaaaaaaaa.” yelled all the bad snowmen.

      The snowmen all got melted down the drain.

      At bedtime everybody was very sleepy from melting all the bad snowmen, and everyone slept right through until summertime.

      Summertime is too warm for snowmen, but it wasn’t too warm for a wicked robot.

      A big, big, big, big, big robot, who was a friend of the bad snowmen, came to eat SuperBowen.

      But SuperBowen jumped into his monster truck and drove to the beach where the tide was coming in. SuperBowen whizzed along the beach in his monster truck and made lots of big splashes that got the big robot all wet, and all his arms and legs began to be rusty, and then he stopped working because his batteries got wet.

      Everybody was very happy, and they invited SuperBowen to a big party in Bangor. But SuperBowen said he couldn’t come to the party because he had to fly to London to stop the prime minister from making more mistakes, because the prime minister had been very silly and spent all his money on a monkey. So everyone just went to bed and waited until Santa came at Christmas, and then they had a party.

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