Letters of Not Lite. Dale Shaw
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Название: Letters of Not Lite
Автор: Dale Shaw
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Юмор: прочее
isbn: 9780008117214
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What now for yew? A nude job of learning?
Hold your applause! Wake until the envy lopes at youe scythe. The digdeep into the pocketfold and resurrect the lint laden current see of Kween and co. No, no, no. Strip those from your lobes, the boy is bound to trav well. Be symbthos for this deviated friend. A weigh Iago. Axe Linda no mention be four, be fine, be leave and takes your sweetgum in baresocked supernauts. When tireds reassemble forty times from now then I shall satagin. Be bound and bald to paint aunts or dream and more from commune cayun lines cut. A bottled massage sea perhaps? Never.
Orson Welles’ suggestions for The Transformers: The Movie
11th August 1986
Dear Barry,
Thank you so much for selecting me to play the role of Unicron in Transformers: The Movie. I have read the script and absolutely love it. (It’s a sort of Lear in space wouldn’t you say?) If you would indulge me, I have a slight addition I would like to make to the dialogue provided. I feel that a brief soliloquy, just prior to Unicron devouring the moons of Cybertron and, as a consequence, Jazz, Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, and Spike, would more clearly frame his state of mind. Please consider the following merely a suggestion.
What do you think?
Yours, Orson
EXT – SPACE – NIGHT
On the point of exhaustion, Unicron turns to his vanquisher Rodimus Prime.
UNICRON
(Weakly)
It’s good to see you Rodimus. You and I aren’t heroes you know, this galaxy doesn’t make any heroes …
Look down there … Would you feel any pity if one of those Autobots stopped activating forever? If I offered you Two Zillion Quazseks for every Autobot that powered down would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money? Or would you calculate how many Autobots you could afford not to transform? Free of Space Tax, old man … free of Space Tax. It’s the only way to save money nowadays. Oh, Rodimus Prime, what fools we are, talking to each other this way. As though I would do anything to you – or you to me. You’re just a little mixed up about things … in general. Nobody thinks in terms … of Decepticons or Insecticons. The Autobot Matrix of Leadership doesn’t, so why should we? They talk about Quintessons, and the Lithonians. I talk about Jazz and Windcharger …. It’s the same thing. They have their plan to destroy Cybertron and its moons … and so have I.
(Fading)
I still do believe in the power of Transformation, old man … I believe in Skywarp and Megatron and all that … The powered down are happier powered down. They don’t miss much here … Oh Rodimus, Don’t be so gloomy. After all, it’s not that awful. Remember in Cybertron, for thirty parsecs under the Decepticons, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Soundwave, Scourge, and Starscream. In Ceti Alpha Seven, they had brotherly love. They had five hundred Zantrells of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The Scorponok. So long, Rodimus.
[He dies. A hero]
10th January 1AD
Dear Balthazar,
Hope you got back OK. My journey home was a total nightmare. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say I’ve had enough of camels for a while.
Wow, that was some crazy trip wasn’t it? Sort of started out as one thing, then ended up as another thing altogether. The three of us really went through something, right? Weird times.
I don’t know about you, but since I’ve got back and had a chance to think about stuff, I’ve got to say I’m still not altogether sure what went down. Obviously it was a total blast to be out with you guys on this madcap adventure, but on reflection, I’ve started to have a few reservations. Especially about that whole stable/baby scene.
I mean, we didn’t really check these people out before we started bestowing gifts on them did we? Feels as if we all got a bit over-excited with the whole ‘King of the Jews’ angle and lost our heads a little. Just having a bit of distance from it and thinking about it rationally, it seems to me, looking back in the cold light of day, to an impartial observer it could seem as if we just handed over a large selection of luxury items to a bunch of vagrants in a barn.
Now, I know we thought they seemed really holy. But maybe they were just really happy? After all, one second they’re bunking down with some farm animals in filth, then we pitch up and start handing out goodies. Perhaps I’m being paranoid, but is it too crazy to think we’ve been taken for a ride somehow? I mean, that star and the trumpets and all that glowing? It doesn’t really add up. We were out in the sun for a really long time, I think we may not have been in the best state of mind to be making those types of judgement calls.
You know, I’ve known you for years, so obviously you are above reproach in my book. But how much do you know about that Melchior guy? I mean Melchior – is that even a name? Of course he’s a wise man – we’re all wise men and it takes one to know one. But being a wise man doesn’t preclude you from also being a con man. Do you think he could have been in on it with them? He was in a bit of a hurry to get away afterwards and I’m just going to assume it was Frankincense in that bottle. Could have been anything. Can you vouch for that guy?
I know we all wanted it to be real. Who doesn’t want to discover a godhead at that early stage? That’s a real career booster. But I realise now that I’ve ended up with nothing to show for it except an empty shelf where my Myrrh used to be. Which wasn’t the easiest situation to explain to the wife. Now it’s not just those folks who are sleeping in a barn.
Anyway, I guess what’s done is done. But I think maybe we should try to keep this whole thing under wraps as far as possible, if we can. If that story gets out there, I’m not sure people are going to think that we’re all that wise after all. But then, what are chances of that happening, right?
Happy Hanukkah,
Gaspar
19th June 1939
Dear Lou Gehrig,
Your test results have now been returned to us. It seems you have been diagnosed with ‘LOU GEHRIG’S DISEASE’. This could be really bad or possibly really good. Either way you should probably pop by СКАЧАТЬ