Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport. John Scally

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      Small Is Not Beautiful

      I failed to make the chess team, because of my height.

       Woody Allen

      Blood Is Thicker Than Water

      She leads away from aces and neglects to keep my jump bids alive. But she is still my mother.

       Heywood Brown

      Suspicious Minds

      Trust everybody – but cut the cards.

       Finley Peter Dunne

      Unfair Advantage

      A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

       Michael Enright

      Exhaustion

      Bridge I regard as only one degree better than absolutely vacuous conversation, which is certainly the most fatiguing thing in the world.

       Arthur C. Benson

      Waste

      As elaborate a waste of human intelligence [chess] as you can find outside an advertising agency.

       Raymond Chandler

      Time Management

      Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people think they are doing something clever, when they are only wasting their time.

       George Bernard Shaw

      Nothing Compares 2U

      Trying to stop [Bobby] Fischer in full flight is like trying to stop a runaway train with a butterfly net.

       Liam Fowler

      Love Affair

      Chess is better than romance.

       Bobby Fischer

      Exit

      When a man’s house is on fire, it’s time to break off chess.

       Thomas Fuller

      Equality Of The Sexes

      Mixed chess is the ultimate mating game.

       Colin M. Jarman

      The Feel Bad Factor

      I say, let’s banish bridge. Let’s find some pleasant way of being miserable together.

       Don Herold, US humourist

      Arrested Development

      The only athletic sport I mastered was backgammon.

       Douglas Jerrold, playwright

      Mistaken Identity

      I always thought backgammon was a side of bacon.

       Spike Milligan

      Revenge Is Sweet

      A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

       Emo Philips

      Maverick

      She [Joan Collins] has the assurance of someone dealing herself a fifth ace in a card game with children.

       Louis T. Stanley

      V for Victory

      Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

       Savelly Tarkatower

      Fair Play

      One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

       Oscar Wilde

      Impossible Odds

      Fate was kind to him, dealing him a hand of five aces.

       Harry Wilson

5

       Boxing Barbs

      This collection reveals the unquenchable, insatiable wit that smoulders unseen under the mute, impassive faces of the world’s toughest men. The result is a wry, idiosyncratic and sometimes bizarre catalogue of comic creations. Perhaps the intensity and sheer brute force of the sport requires a natural human fallout, a spontaneous emission that enables pugilists to get through the physical battle. Comedy serves as a safety valve.

      1. The Good

      Self-confidence

      When you’re as great as I am, it’s hard to be humble.

       Muhammad Ali

      Down And Out

      Politics is like boxing – you try to knock out your opponents.

       Idi Amin

      Preliminaries

      Marriage is like a boxing card. The preliminaries are frequently better than the main event.

       Anon

      Goldfist

      My aim is to become another Diego Maradona – the man with the golden fist.

       Frank Bruno

      Three In One

      If you ever get belted and see three fighters through a haze, go after the one in the middle. That’s what ruined me – I went after the two guys on the other end.

       Max Baer

      Family Tree

      Charlie Magri has to do well against the unknown Mexican who comes from a famous family of five boxing brothers.

       Harry Carpenter

      Discretion

      Only the nose knows,

      Where the noes goes,

      When the door close.

       Muhammad Ali, when asked about sex before a fight

      Thrilling

      It’ll be a thrilla, a chilla and a killa when I get the gorilla in Manila.

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