Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport. John Scally

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СКАЧАТЬ who loses sleep worrying about the meaning of life will not seek answers among baseball practitioners. But to those who love the game, baseball is the meaning of life. For lovers of the absurd, outrageous and totally bizarre, this selection of sporting quotes could make the proverbial cat laugh. A pot pourri of double entendres, satirical quips and unintentional puns from the tongues of a sporting elite. Reading pleasure for the mischievous and warped.

      1. The All-American Game

      Hype

      Calling it the World Series must impress the world as an example of America’s modesty.

       Anon

      Run That By Me Again

      No wonder nobody comes here [a crowded New York restaurant] to eat – it’s too crowded.

       Yogi Berra, New York Yankees

      Lords and Masters

      Baseball must be a great game to survive the people who run it.

       Arthur Daley, sportswriter

      Parental Control

      I think Little League is all right: it keeps the parents off the street.

       Rocky Bridges, Minor League manager

      You Don’t Say

      [Orel] Hershiser is the only Major League player to have two consecutive pronouns in his surname.

       Roger Angell, sportswriter

      Descent of the Apes

      ‘Babe’ Ruth wasn’t born – the sonofabitch fell from a tree.

       Joe Duggan, New York Yankees

      Ruth

      The Ruth is mighty and shall prevail.

       Heywood Broun

      Crowd Puller

      Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

       Jerry Coleman, (in)famous commentator

      Billy the Kid

      A baseball fan has the digestive apparatus of a billy goat. He can – and does – devour any set of diamond statistics with insatiable appetite and then nuzzles hungrily for more.

       Arthur Daley

      Speed

      The Mets [baseball team] has come along slow, but fast!

       Casey Stengel

      Beauty and the Beast

      1. It’s no fun being married to an electric light.

       Joe DiMaggio on his marriage to Marilyn Monroe

      2. I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto!

       Yogi Berra on the marriage

      3. Why marry a ball player when you can have the whole team?

       Mae West on the marriage

      4. It proves that no man can be a success in two national pastimes.

       Oscar Levant on the break-up of the marriage

      The Demon Drink

      Two of the pall-bearers at Babe Ruth’s funeral in August 1948 were teammates – pitcher Waite Hoyt (himself an alcoholic) and Third Baseman Joe Duggan. As they carried out their duties, Duggan whispered: ‘I’d give $100 for a cold beer’. Hoyt replied: ‘So would the Babe.’

      Back to Basics

      When all is said and done, sexual intercourse is the only thing worth a fuck.

       Casey Stengel attributed

      Night and Day

      Los Angeles is a town where you can watch night baseball almost any afternoon.

       Anon

      Business and Pleasure

      A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.

       William Feather, publisher

      What A Waste?

      After spending four years as a college star, he was a failure at pro baseball. In fact, all he had to show for it was an education.

       Anon

      Patriotism

      I take a national view of the American League and an American view of the National League.

       Hubert Humphrey, former US Vice-President

      Home Advantage

      The good thing about playing for Cleveland that is you don’t have to make road trips there.

       Jay Johnstone, Cleveland Indians

      Shorts

      Ballet is the fairies’ baseball.

       Oscar Levant, humourist

      COD

      How does he want it? Cash or green stamps?

       Billy Martin, New York Yankees, when told he was facing a $1 million lawsuit

      Results

      There are no prizes for winning the first half.

       Steve Rogers, sportswriter

      Absolutely Fabulous

      We’ve got an absolutely perfect day here at Desert Sun Stadium, and we’re told it’s going to be an even more perfect day tomorrow.

       Jerry Coleman

      Speaking Proper

      Old Diz knows the King’s English. And not only that. I also know the Queen is English.

       Dizzy Dean, (in)famous commentator

      The Final Nail In The Coffin

      The only real way you know you’ve been fired, is when you arrive at the ball park and find your name has been scratched from the parking list.

       Billy Martin

      Narcissism

      [Charlie СКАЧАТЬ