The Teenage Brain: A neuroscientist’s survival guide to raising adolescents and young adults. Frances Jensen E.

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ of our own conflicting messages? Can we make sense?

      For the past few years I’ve given talks all over the country—to parents, teens, doctors, researchers, and psychotherapists—explaining the risks and rewards that pertain to the new science of the adolescent brain. This book was prompted by the tremendous, even overwhelming, number of responses I have received from parents and educators (and sometimes even teens) who heard me speak. All of them wanted to share their own stories, ask questions, and try to understand how to help their kids—and, in the process, themselves—navigate this thrilling but perplexing stage of life.

      The truth of the matter is, I learned from my own sons that adolescents are not, in fact, an alien species, but just a misunderstood one. Yes, they are different, but there are important physiological and neurological reasons for those differences. In this book I will explain how the teen brain offers major advantages on the one hand but unperceived and often unacknowledged vulnerabilities on the other. I am hoping you will use this as a handbook, a kind of user’s manual or survival guide to the care and feeding of the teenage brain. Ultimately, I want to do more than help adults better understand their teenagers. I want to offer practical advice so that parents can help their teenagers, too. Adolescents aren’t the only ones who must navigate this exciting but treacherous period of life. Parents, guardians, and educators must, too. I have—twice. It is humbling, exhilarating, confusing, all at the same time. As parents, we brace ourselves for what will be quite a roller-coaster ride, but in the vast majority of cases the ride slows down, evens out, and gives one a lot of stories to tell afterward!

      Nearly a decade ago, when it became clear to me that being a parent of teenagers was nothing like taking care of overgrown children, I said, Okay, let’s work on it together. I stayed in my sons’ faces. I remember one time, when Andrew was still a sophomore in high school, the inevitable point arrived when exams were just around the corner and he was still paying more attention to sports and parties than books and homework. Because I’m a scientist, I know learning is cumulative—everything new is based on something you just learned, so you have to hang in there, you have to stay on top of it. So I got a pad of paper and I went through each chapter of Andrew’s textbooks, and on one side of the paper I picked out a problem for him to solve and on the other side, folded, was the answer. All he needed was a model, a template, a structure. It was a turning point for him and me. He realized he actually had to do the work—sit down and do it—in order to learn. He also realized working on his bed, with everything spread out around him, wasn’t helping. He needed more structure, so he sat himself at his desk, with a pencil sharpener and a piece of paper in front of him, and he learned how to impose order on himself. He needed the external cues. I could plan and he couldn’t at that point. Having a structured environment helped him learn, and eventually he got really good at it, sitting in his chair at his desk for hours. I know because I’d check in on him. I also knew this was a good example of place-dependent learning. Scientists have shown that the best way to remember what you’ve learned is to return to the place where you learned it. For Andrew, that was his desk in his bedroom. As I will explain later, teenagers are “jacked up” on learning—their brains are primed for knowledge—so where and how they learn is important, and setting up a place where homework is done is something any parent can help teens do. And because homework is one of the main things kids do at home, you can stay involved with your teenagers even if you don’t happen to have an MD or PhD in the subject or subjects they’ve neglected for months. You can offer to proofread assignments, spell-check their essays, or simply make sure they are sitting in a comfortable desk chair. While you might not have the right hair guy to get red streaks, the point is that you can at least spring for a home hair dye when they want to transform themselves on the outside. Let them experiment with these more harmless things rather than have them rebel and get into much more serious trouble. Try not to focus on winning the battles when you should be winning the war—the endgame is to help get them through the necessary experimentation that they instinctively need without any longterm adverse effects. The teen years are a great time to test where a kid’s strengths are, and to even out weaknesses that need attention.

      What you don’t want to do is ridicule, or be judgmental or disapproving or dismissive. Instead, you have to get inside your kid’s head. Kids all have something they’re struggling with that you can try to help. They can be all over the place: forgetting to bring their books home, crumpling important notes in the bottom of their backpacks, misconstruing homework assignments. Sometimes—or most of the time—they are just not organized, not paying attention to the details of what’s going on around them, and so expecting them to figure out how to do their homework can actually be expecting too much. Your teenagers won’t always accept your advice, but you can’t give it unless you’re there, unless you’re trying to understand how they’re learning. Know that they are just as puzzled by their unpredictable behavior and the uneven tool kit they call their brain. They just aren’t at a point where they will tell you this. Pride and image are big for teens, and they are not able to look into themselves and be self-critical.

      That’s what this book is all about—knowing where their limits are and what you can do to support them. So that you won’t get angry or confused at your teens or simply throw your hands up in surrender, I want to help you understand what makes them so infuriating. Much of what is in this book will surprise you—surprise you because you probably thought teenagers’ recalcitrant behavior was something they could, or at least should, be able to control; that their insensitivity or anger or distracted attitude was entirely conscious; and that their refusal to hear what you suggest or request or demand they do was entirely willful. Again, none of these things are true.

      The journey I will take you on in this book will actually shock you at times, but by the end of the journey I promise you will gain insight into what makes your teens tick because you’ll have a much better understanding of how their brains work. I make an effort in this book to reveal, wherever possible, the real data from real science journal articles. There is much data out there that has not been “translated” for the public. Even more important, the teen generation is one that holds information in great esteem. So when you talk to teens, you owe it to them to have actual data. I inserted as many figures into this book as I could where the actual science is shown, and I point out where it applies to our knowledge of the strengths and weaknesses of being a teen. There are lots of myths about teenagers out there that need to be debunked: this book is an attempt to chip away at those myths and explore the new science that is available to inform us.

      For this book to be truly effective, however, you must remember a simple rule: First, count to ten. It became a kind of mantra for me when I was raising my sons. But it means more than just taking a deep breath. Let me explain. In leadership courses I’ve taken for my professional career, one theme that is always emphasized is the Boy Scouts’ motto, “Be prepared.” I learned in these seminars that the average time an American businessperson spends preparing for a meeting is about two minutes. We probably spend more time just scheduling those meetings than actually thinking about what we’re going to say or do in them. I don’t mean the big presentations. I mean the one-on-one encounters, which we too often step into cavalierly without taking much time for reflection beforehand. When I heard this statistic, initially it shocked me, but then I thought about my own professional world, where I am the head of a large university neurology department and have my own lab with many graduate and postgraduate students, and I realized, Yep, that’s pretty much what does happen. Not a lot of time is devoted to planning or “rehearsing” for all those one-on-one encounters with colleagues and staff, and yet it’s these more personal, more direct interactions that often play a pivotal role in the success of an organization. Similarly, the impression you give others in these encounters can affect the direction your career takes; this is why it’s so important to plan ahead, at least for more than just a few minutes, and think about how the other person will react during one of these meetings. In your mind, go through what you want to say, step by step, and imagine the range of responses. Now imagine that the other person is your teenage son or daughter. Being prepared for both positive and negative responses will help guide you as you consider your options about what to say or do next. If you appear hotheaded СКАЧАТЬ