Black Ajax. George Fraser MacDonald

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СКАЧАТЬ Prinny would bring in the Whigs. Those are the matters treated of by bookworms and historians and fellows of that sort, who regard ’em as the burning topics of the day. Not a bit of it.

      What d’ye think was the talk of the Town when I came back from the Peninsula in ’09? Aye, I was invalided home after Talavera – that was the excuse, leastways, but the fact was I’d fought four duels in three weeks, and Old Hooky wouldn’t stand it: swore I did our own side more harm than Victor. Damned sauce. I’d done the Frogs harm enough, and he knew it.

      Talavera … Gad, that was the day. Who’s heard of it now, the Spanish Waterloo, where the Peninsular war trembled in the balance? If we’d lost, Spain was lost, and perhaps the war; Wellesley would never ha’ been Wellington, that’s certain, and Boney would ha’ conquered Russia. Talavera … heat, and dust, and bloody bayonets. Wellington vowed it was the most desperate fight he’d ever seen, with Victor outnumbering us two to one – aye, we proved that one Briton was worth two Frogs, that day. Good men, though, those same Frogs – d’ye know, there was a truce in the midst of the battle, when we and they watered our beasts together in the Portina brook, and exchanged snuff and civilities? Old Villatte, who commanded their cavalry, was there, and offered “King” Allan of the Guards his flask. King sluiced his ivories and shook hands.

      “Thank’ee, mon general,” says King. “Hot day, ain’t it? Why don’t you go home?”

      “Apres vous, m’sieur,” grins old Villatte, and everyone burst out laughing, and our rankers and the French moustaches were swapping fills o’ their pipes, and we cheered each other back to the lines.

      Then they came at us like tigers, as only Frogs can, with “Old Trousers” thundering along a two-mile front, that huge mass of infantry tearing a great hole in our line. Fraser Mackenzie’s Midlanders held on like bulldogs, it was touch and go, and then Victor let drive at our left flank below the Medellin Hill, and I thought we was done for.

      “Now or never!” cries Anson. “Off you go, Ponsonby!” and away we went, 23rd Lights and German Legion, knee to knee against that huge tide of Froggy horse in the valley, with the trumpeters sounding charge. We were going full tilt when the hidden gully opened almost under our hooves, and “Hold on, Flash!” bawls Ponsonby, but my hunter was over it like a swallow, and the rest came jumping or tumbling after, and we went into their Green Chasseurs like a steel fist, sabres whirling and fellows going down like ninepins, such a turn-up as you never saw. There was a French square behind us, and great waves of their cavalry before, two hundred of our 23rd boys went down, but we scattered the Chasseurs, and then their Chevaux Legers and Polish Lancers broke over us like a tide, with those damned whistles in their helmets wailing like banshees. I took a lance in the leg and a cut on the neck – see here – but was holding my own till my poor little grey went down and some blasted Pole put a bullet through my sword-arm.

      Time’s up, Flash, thinks I, you won’t make scratch this time, for what was left of us was being trampled underfoot, but they took me prisoner, along with a few others, and I was exchanged next day, leaking like a cracked pot. But they hadn’t turned our flank, bigod, and our centre held, Froggy drew off with his bellyful, leaving seven thousand dead to our five thousand, Old Hooky ceased to be Wellesley and became Lord Wellington … and that was Talavera.

      You know what came of it … we lived to fight another day, Hooky withdrew to Portugal, foxed Massena with Torres Vedras, and held French armies in Spain that Boney could have used in Russia where he froze to death, France was beat – and all because the Light Brigade crossed that gully, perhaps. I like to think so, at all events; worth being skewered and trampled, what? In the meantime, I came home … now, where the devil was I, before you reminded me of the Peninsula?

      Ah, yes, I was asking what you supposed the buzz was in Town that autumn of ’09? The war? The King’s madness? The Cabinet? No such thing. The name on every lip wasn’t Talavera or Hooky or Boney, but Mary Clarke – and I’ll lay a million to a mag you never heard of her, eh? I thought not.

      Ah, Mary! She was the sweetest little nesting-bird, and my first love ’fore I went to Spain – well, one of ’em. Shape of Aphrodite, sassy as a robin, and devoted to the study of cavalry subalterns – when she wasn’t accommodating the Duke of York, that is. She was his prize pullet, you see, and we lesser lights (I was a mere cornet of horse then, but she was nuts on me) had to slip in at her back door in Gloucester Place like so many area sneaks. Gad, she was the bang-up Cyprian, though! Ten horses, three cooks, twenty servants, dined off a French duke’s plate, and entertained like a bashaw’s niece – York gave her a thousand a month, and you may believe ’twasn’t enough. So dear Mary set up shop selling Army promotions, slipping the tickets for York to sign when he was too lushy or baked with her fond attentions to notice, I dare say. Oh, a prime racket she had, until some parliamentary pimp blew the gaff.

      There was the devil to pay, York had to resign command of the Army, Mary was called to the Bar of the House and had ’em in fits with her sauce and sharp answers, and to crown all she threatened to publish York’s love-letters. I saw some of ’em, and they were hot-house stuff, I can tell you. Cost the old calf’s head ten thou’ and a pension of four hundred a year to buy ’em back.

      D’ye wonder that Mary Clarke was all the chat from St James’s to St Giles? Mere wars and Commons votes weren’t in it with her – or with Moll Douglas, the bird of paradise whom Mornington, Hooky’s brother, had in tow when he went out as Minister to Spain. That set the tongues wagging at Almack’s, for what made it worse was that Mornington’s lawful blanket wouldn’t divorce him or clear out of Apsley House. She’d been another bareback rider until Mornington married her; French piece, Gabrielle Hyacinthe de Something. Shocking taste in women he had. Whores, the lot o’ them.

      What’s this to do with Molineaux? Why, to impress upon you what a light-minded crew of sensation-seekers Society was, ripe for any novelty – female, criminal or sporting for choice – and because it pleases me to hold forth at length while sampling this excellent drop o’ short. So don’t dam’ well interrupt. We’ll come to the Dusky Miller presently.

      Speaking of sport, there was a mighty stink at Newmarket about that time, when two touts called Bishop and Dan Dawson were bribed to see that certain horses didn’t start, so they blew arsenic into the water troughs, poisoned I don’t know how many runners. They were grabbed, Bishop peached to save his neck, but it was the Paddington frisk for Danny, and half the turf set went down to Cambridge to see him drop, more than one noble lord, I’m told, heaving a sigh of relief when he died with his mouth shut.

      Not that politics was altogether neglected in the clubs and drawing-rooms. Why, the day I landed there was a disagreement in Cabinet. Foreign secretary, Canning, an intriguing toad, if you ask me, with an eye on Downing Street, blamed the war minister, Castlereagh, for the Walcheren fiasco, and Castlereagh demanded pistols for two on Putney Heath. The pair of cakes missed each other altogether with their first shots, tried again, Castlereagh put a slug in Canning’s leg, and Canning shot a button off his lordship’s coat. I heard the news from Kangaroo Cooke, York’s old aide.

      “Bet you’re glad they weren’t alongside at Talavera,” says he. “Still, they scored one hit, which is more than Tierney and Pitt could manage – and say this for ’em, it’s a dam’ stylish way to bring down a government.”

      Wasn’t he right, though? Can’t see Melbourne or Peel having the game to shoot each other, worse luck.

      So, sir, there you have me, back in Town … and I can see the leery look in your eye as you hear me refer so familiarly to Society, with idle mention of nobility and royalty, and ask yourself, do I speak of what I know, or am I a rasher o’ wind retailing second-hand goods? Yes, you do, damn your impudence, I know. You’ve cast about, I don’t doubt, and are aware that the Flashmans СКАЧАТЬ