The Colloquies of Erasmus, Volume I. Erasmus Desiderius

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ style="font-size:15px;">      Co. A grave Decree, fitter to be writ in Wine than engrav'd in Brass.

      Ar. Presently a Bumper was put about to our good Journey, which when every Man had taken off in his Turn, the Vote passed into an Act, and became inviolable.

      Co. A new Religion! But did you all come safe back?

      Ar. All but three, one dy'd by the Way, and gave us in Charge to give his humble Service to Peter and James; another dy'd at Rome, who bad us remember him to his Wife and Children; and the third we left at Florence dangerously ill, and I believe he is in Heaven before now.

      Co. Was he so good a Man then?

      Ar. The veriest Droll in Nature.

      Co. Why do you think he is in Heaven then?

      Ar. Because he had a whole Satchel full of large Indulgencies.

      Co. I understand you, but it is a long Way to Heaven, and a very dangerous one too, as I am told, by reason of the little Thieves that infest the middle Region of the Air.

      Ar. That's true, but he was well fortify'd with Bulls.

      Co. What Language were they written in?

      Ar. In Latin.

      Co. And will they secure him?

      Ar. Yes, unless he should happen upon some Spirit that does not understand Latin, in that Case he must go back to Rome, and get a new Passport.

      Co. Do they sell Bulls there to dead Men too?

      Ar. Yes.

      Co. But by the Way, let me advise you to have a Care what you say, for now there are a great many Spies abroad.

      Ar. I don't speak slightingly of Indulgencies themselves, but I laugh at the Folly of my fuddling Companion, who tho' he was the greatest Trifler that ever was born, yet chose rather to venture the whole Stress of his Salvation upon a Skin of Parchment than upon the Amendment of his Life. But when shall we have that merry Bout you spoke of just now?

      Co. When Opportunity offers we'll set a Time for a small Collation, and invite some of our Comrades, there we will tell Lies, who can lye fastest, and divert one another with Lies till we have our Bellies full.

      Ar. Come on, a Match.

      OF BENEFICE-HUNTERS

The ARGUMENT

      In this Colloquy those Persons are reprehended that run to and again to Rome hunting after Benefices, and that oftentimes with the Hazard of the Corruption of their Morals, and the Loss of their Money. The Clergy are admonished to divert themselves with reading of good Books, rather than with a Concubine. Jocular Discourse concerning a long Nose.

      PAMPHAGUS, COCLES.

      PAM. Either my Sight fails me, or this is my old Pot-Companion Cocles.

      Co. No, no, your Eyes don't deceive you at all, you see a Companion that is yours heartily. Nobody ever thought to have seen you again, you have been gone so many Years, and no Body knew what was become of you. But whence come you from? Prithee tell me.

      Pa. From the Antipodes.

      Co. Nay, but I believe you are come from the fortunate Islands.

      Pa. I am glad you know your old Companion, I was afraid I should come home as Ulysses did.

      Co. Why pray? After what Manner did he come Home?

      Pa. His own Wife did not know him; only his Dog, being grown very old, acknowledg'd his Master, by wagging his Tail.

      Co. How many Years was he from Home?

      Pa. Twenty.

      Co. You have been absent more than twenty Years, and yet I knew your Face again. But who tells that Story of Ulysses?

      Pa. Homer.

      Co. He? They say he's the Father of all fabulous Stories. It may be his Wife had gotten herself a Gallant in the mean time, and therefore did not know her own Ulysses.

      Pa. No, nothing of that, she was one of the chastest Women in the World. But Pallas had made Ulysses look old, that he might not be known.

      Co. How came he to be known at last?

      Pa. By a little Wart that he had upon one of his Toes. His Nurse, who was now a very old Woman, took Notice of that as she was washing his Feet.

      Co. A curious old Hagg. Well then, do you admire that I know you that have so remarkable a Nose.

      Pa. I am not at all sorry for this Nose.

      Co. No, nor have you any Occasion to be sorry for having a Thing that is fit for so many Uses.

      Pa. For what Uses?

      Co. First of all, it will serve instead of an Extinguisher, to put out Candles.

      Pa. Go on.

      Co. Again, if you want to draw any Thing out of a deep Pit, it will serve instead of an Elephant's Trunk.

      Pa. O wonderful.

      Co. If your Hands be employ'd, it will serve instead of a Pin.

      Pa. Is it good for any Thing else?

      Co. If you have no Bellows, it will serve to blow the Fire.

      Pa. This is very pretty; have you any more of it?

      Co. If the Light offends you when you are writing, it will serve for an Umbrella.

      Pa. Ha, ha, ha! Have you any Thing more to say?

      Co. In a Sea-fight it will serve for a Grappling-hook.

      Pa. What will it serve for in a Land-fight?

      Co. Instead of a Shield.

      Pa. And what else?

      Co. It will serve for a Wedge to cleave Wood withal.

      Pa. Well said.

      Co. If you act the Part of a Herald, it will be for a Trumpet; if you sound an Alarm, a Horn; if you dig, a Spade; if you reap, a Sickle; if you go to Sea, an Anchor; in the Kitchen it will serve for a Flesh-hook; and in Fishing a Fish-hook.

      Pa. I am a happy Fellow indeed, I did not know I carry'd about me a Piece of Houshold Stuff that would serve for so many Uses.

      Co. But in the mean Time, in what Corner of the Earth have you hid yourself all this While?

      Pa. In Rome.

      Co. But СКАЧАТЬ