Complete Works. D. H. Lawrence

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СКАЧАТЬ quarrelled with her brothers fiercely. Later in the afternoon, when they had gone away again, her mother said:

      “You disappointed me at dinner-time, Miriam.”

      The girl dropped her head.

      “They are such BRUTES!” she suddenly cried, looking up with flashing eyes.

      “But hadn't you promised not to answer them?” said the mother. “And I believed in you. I CAN'T stand it when you wrangle.”

      “But they're so hateful!” cried Miriam, “and—and LOW.”

      “Yes, dear. But how often have I asked you not to answer Edgar back? Can't you let him say what he likes?”

      “But why should he say what he likes?”

      “Aren't you strong enough to bear it, Miriam, if even for my sake? Are you so weak that you must wrangle with them?”

      Mrs. Leivers stuck unflinchingly to this doctrine of “the other cheek”. She could not instil it at all into the boys. With the girls she succeeded better, and Miriam was the child of her heart. The boys loathed the other cheek when it was presented to them. Miriam was often sufficiently lofty to turn it. Then they spat on her and hated her. But she walked in her proud humility, living within herself.

      There was always this feeling of jangle and discord in the Leivers family. Although the boys resented so bitterly this eternal appeal to their deeper feelings of resignation and proud humility, yet it had its effect on them. They could not establish between themselves and an outsider just the ordinary human feeling and unexaggerated friendship; they were always restless for the something deeper. Ordinary folk seemed shallow to them, trivial and inconsiderable. And so they were unaccustomed, painfully uncouth in the simplest social intercourse, suffering, and yet insolent in their superiority. Then beneath was the yearning for the soul-intimacy to which they could not attain because they were too dumb, and every approach to close connection was blocked by their clumsy contempt of other people. They wanted genuine intimacy, but they could not get even normally near to anyone, because they scorned to take the first steps, they scorned the triviality which forms common human intercourse.

      Paul fell under Mrs. Leivers's spell. Everything had a religious and intensified meaning when he was with her. His soul, hurt, highly developed, sought her as if for nourishment. Together they seemed to sift the vital fact from an experience.

      Miriam was her mother's daughter. In the sunshine of the afternoon mother and daughter went down the fields with him. They looked for nests. There was a jenny wren's in the hedge by the orchard.

      “I DO want you to see this,” said Mrs. Leivers.

      He crouched down and carefully put his finger through the thorns into the round door of the nest.

      “It's almost as if you were feeling inside the live body of the bird,” he said, “it's so warm. They say a bird makes its nest round like a cup with pressing its breast on it. Then how did it make the ceiling round, I wonder?”

      The nest seemed to start into life for the two women. After that, Miriam came to see it every day. It seemed so close to her. Again, going down the hedgeside with the girl, he noticed the celandines, scalloped splashes of gold, on the side of the ditch.

      “I like them,” he said, “when their petals go flat back with the sunshine. They seemed to be pressing themselves at the sun.”

      And then the celandines ever after drew her with a little spell. Anthropomorphic as she was, she stimulated him into appreciating things thus, and then they lived for her. She seemed to need things kindling in her imagination or in her soul before she felt she had them. And she was cut off from ordinary life by her religious intensity which made the world for her either a nunnery garden or a paradise, where sin and knowledge were not, or else an ugly, cruel thing.

      So it was in this atmosphere of subtle intimacy, this meeting in their common feeling for something in Nature, that their love started.

      Personally, he was a long time before he realized her. For ten months he had to stay at home after his illness. For a while he went to Skegness with his mother, and was perfectly happy. But even from the seaside he wrote long letters to Mrs. Leivers about the shore and the sea. And he brought back his beloved sketches of the flat Lincoln coast, anxious for them to see. Almost they would interest the Leivers more than they interested his mother. It was not his art Mrs. Morel cared about; it was himself and his achievement. But Mrs. Leivers and her children were almost his disciples. They kindled him and made him glow to his work, whereas his mother's influence was to make him quietly determined, patient, dogged, unwearied.

      He soon was friends with the boys, whose rudeness was only superficial. They had all, when they could trust themselves, a strange gentleness and lovableness.

      “Will you come with me on to the fallow?” asked Edgar, rather hesitatingly.

      Paul went joyfully, and spent the afternoon helping to hoe or to single turnips with his friend. He used to lie with the three brothers in the hay piled up in the barn and tell them about Nottingham and about Jordan's. In return, they taught him to milk, and let him do little jobs—chopping hay or pulping turnips—just as much as he liked. At midsummer he worked all through hay-harvest with them, and then he loved them. The family was so cut off from the world actually. They seemed, somehow, like “les derniers fils d'une race epuisee”. Though the lads were strong and healthy, yet they had all that over-sensitiveness and hanging-back which made them so lonely, yet also such close, delicate friends once their intimacy was won. Paul loved them dearly, and they him.

      Miriam came later. But he had come into her life before she made any mark on his. One dull afternoon, when the men were on the land and the rest at school, only Miriam and her mother at home, the girl said to him, after having hesitated for some time:

      “Have you seen the swing?”

      “No,” he answered. “Where?”

      “In the cowshed,” she replied.

      She always hesitated to offer or to show him anything. Men have such different standards of worth from women, and her dear things—the valuable things to her—her brothers had so often mocked or flouted.

      “Come on, then,” he replied, jumping up.

      There were two cowsheds, one on either side of the barn. In the lower, darker shed there was standing for four cows. Hens flew scolding over the manger-wall as the youth and girl went forward for the great thick rope which hung from the beam in the darkness overhead, and was pushed back over a peg in the wall.

      “It's something like a rope!” he exclaimed appreciatively; and he sat down on it, anxious to try it. Then immediately he rose.

      “Come on, then, and have first go,” he said to the girl.

      “See,” she answered, going into the barn, “we put some bags on the seat”; and she made the swing comfortable for him. That gave her pleasure. He held the rope.

      “Come on, then,” he said to her.

      “No, I won't go first,” she answered.

      She stood aside in her still, aloof fashion.

      “Why?”

      “You СКАЧАТЬ