Complete Works. D. H. Lawrence

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      “Well,” he began apologetically, “she didn't ask me; but one morning—and it WAS cold—I found her on the station shivering, not able to keep still; so I asked her if she was well wrapped up. She said: 'I think so.' So I said: 'Have you got warm underthings on?' And she said: 'No, they were cotton.' I asked her why on earth she hadn't got something thicker on in weather like that, and she said because she HAD nothing. And there she is—a bronchial subject! I HAD to take her and get some warm things. Well, mother, I shouldn't mind the money if we had any. And, you know, she OUGHT to keep enough to pay for her season-ticket; but no, she comes to me about that, and I have to find the money.”

      “It's a poor lookout,” said Mrs. Morel bitterly.

      He was pale, and his rugged face, that used to be so perfectly careless and laughing, was stamped with conflict and despair.

      “But I can't give her up now; it's gone too far,” he said. “And, besides, for SOME things I couldn't do without her.”

      “My boy, remember you're taking your life in your hands,” said Mrs. Morel. “NOTHING is as bad as a marriage that's a hopeless failure. Mine was bad enough, God knows, and ought to teach you something; but it might have been worse by a long chalk.”

      He leaned with his back against the side of the chimney-piece, his hands in his pockets. He was a big, raw-boned man, who looked as if he would go to the world's end if he wanted to. But she saw the despair on his face.

      “I couldn't give her up now,” he said.

      “Well,” she said, “remember there are worse wrongs than breaking off an engagement.”

      “I can't give her up NOW,” he said.

      The clock ticked on; mother and son remained in silence, a conflict between them; but he would say no more. At last she said:

      “Well, go to bed, my son. You'll feel better in the morning, and perhaps you'll know better.”

      He kissed her, and went. She raked the fire. Her heart was heavy now as it had never been. Before, with her husband, things had seemed to be breaking down in her, but they did not destroy her power to live. Now her soul felt lamed in itself. It was her hope that was struck.

      And so often William manifested the same hatred towards his betrothed. On the last evening at home he was railing against her.

      “Well,” he said, “if you don't believe me, what she's like, would you believe she has been confirmed three times?”

      “Nonsense!” laughed Mrs. Morel.

      “Nonsense or not, she HAS! That's what confirmation means for her—a bit of a theatrical show where she can cut a figure.”

      “I haven't, Mrs. Morel!” cried the girl—“I haven't! it is not true!”

      “What!” he cried, flashing round on her. “Once in Bromley, once in Beckenham, and once somewhere else.”

      “Nowhere else!” she said, in tears—“nowhere else!”

      “It WAS! And if it wasn't why were you confirmed TWICE?”

      “Once I was only fourteen, Mrs. Morel,” she pleaded, tears in her eyes.

      “Yes,” said Mrs. Morel; “I can quite understand it, child. Take no notice of him. You ought to be ashamed, William, saying such things.”

      “But it's true. She's religious—she had blue velvet Prayer-Books—and she's not as much religion, or anything else, in her than that table-leg. Gets confirmed three times for show, to show herself off, and that's how she is in EVERYTHING—EVERYTHING!”

      The girl sat on the sofa, crying. She was not strong.

      “As for LOVE!” he cried, “you might as well ask a fly to love you! It'll love settling on you—”

      “Now, say no more,” commanded Mrs. Morel. “If you want to say these things, you must find another place than this. I am ashamed of you, William! Why don't you be more manly. To do nothing but find fault with a girl, and then pretend you're engaged to her!”

      Mrs. Morel subsided in wrath and indignation.

      William was silent, and later he repented, kissed and comforted the girl. Yet it was true, what he had said. He hated her.

      When they were going away, Mrs. Morel accompanied them as far as Nottingham. It was a long way to Keston station.

      “You know, mother,” he said to her, “Gyp's shallow. Nothing goes deep with her.”

      “William, I WISH you wouldn't say these things,” said Mrs. Morel, very uncomfortable for the girl who walked beside her.

      “But it doesn't, mother. She's very much in love with me now, but if I died she'd have forgotten me in three months.”

      Mrs. Morel was afraid. Her heart beat furiously, hearing the quiet bitterness of her son's last speech.

      “How do you know?” she replied. “You DON'T know, and therefore you've no right to say such a thing.”

      “He's always saying these things!” cried the girl.

      “In three months after I was buried you'd have somebody else, and I should be forgotten,” he said. “And that's your love!”

      Mrs. Morel saw them into the train in Nottingham, then she returned home.

      “There's one comfort,” she said to Paul—“he'll never have any money to marry on, that I AM sure of. And so she'll save him that way.”

      So she took cheer. Matters were not yet very desperate. She firmly believed William would never marry his Gipsy. She waited, and she kept Paul near to her.

      All summer long William's letters had a feverish tone; he seemed unnatural and intense. Sometimes he was exaggeratedly jolly, usually he was flat and bitter in his letter.

      “Ah,” his mother said, “I'm afraid he's ruining himself against that creature, who isn't worthy of his love—no, no more than a rag doll.”

      He wanted to come home. The midsummer holiday was gone; it was a long while to Christmas. He wrote in wild excitement, saying he could come for Saturday and Sunday at Goose Fair, the first week in October.

      “You are not well, my boy,” said his mother, when she saw him. She was almost in tears at having him to herself again.

      “No, I've not been well,” he said. “I've seemed to have a dragging cold all the last month, but it's going, I think.”

      It was sunny October weather. He seemed wild with joy, like a schoolboy escaped; then again he was silent and reserved. He was more gaunt than ever, and there was a haggard look in his eyes.

      “You are doing too much,” said his mother to him.

      He was doing extra work, trying to make some money to marry on, he said. He only talked to his mother once on the Saturday night; then he was sad and tender about his beloved.

      “And СКАЧАТЬ