The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison

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      Some of the Foxwood lads sneaked into school today and put a banger down a loo and the loo exploded! You could hear the explosion even in the Science block. Slim was so furious that her chins practically waggled off.

       6:30 p.m.

      Vati has actually taken Angus to the vet. I cannot believe it. I am not speaking to him.

      He said, “The vet said he would be fit as a flea on Monday and we can pick him up then.”

      Libby and me might go on dirty protest, like they do in prison. Not bother going to the loo, as a protest, just poo on the floor. Mind you, Libby is almost permanently on dirty protest, so they might not notice.

       8:00 p.m.

      Mutti and the bloke that she sadly lives with have gone to the street bonfire. Mr and Mrs Next Door and Mr and Mrs Across the Road and the saddos from number twenty-four are all going to be there and then they are off to a party at number twenty-six. Can you imagine the fun that will be? Vati was wearing a leather cowboy hat. How tragic is that? Very very tragic. Mutti asked me if I was coming. I just looked at Dad’s hat. Anyway as I am not speaking to any of them I can’t reply. Dad leaped over the garden wall instead of going through the gate. Sadly he didn’t do himself a severe injury and so he lives to embarrass me to death another day.

      Angus normally loves Bonfire Night. I wonder where he is now? Does he know his bottom sniffing days are over?

       8:30 p.m.

      Jools, Rosie and Jas came round. They’re all off to a bonfire party at Kate Matthew’s place. SG is rehearsing again, but we’re going to meet up later.

      The girls managed to find something to eat in the kitchen which is a bloody miracle.

      We sat munching and crunching our cornflake sarnies. Jools said, “I must get a boyfriend. I quite fancy that mate of Dave the Laugh’s. What is he called? Is it Rollo? You know, the one that’s got a nice smile.”

      He was quite cool-looking now she mentioned it. I said, “I wonder why he hasn’t got a girlfriend? Maybe there is something wrong with him.”

      Jools was all alert. “Like what?”

      “Well, you know Spotty Norman has acne of the head?”

      “Rollo hasn’t got any spots.”

      “He might have secret acne.”

      “Secret acne?”

      “Yeah, it only starts at the top of his arms.”

      “Who gets acne like that?”

      “Loads of people.”

      “Like who?”

      “Loads of people.”

      Actually I noticed that Rosie had a bit of a lurker on her chin. She had been poking it about and I told her she shouldn’t do that, she should try my special lurker eradicator. You squirt perfume on the lurker. Really loads and loads, and that dries it up. In theory. I used it on my nostril lurker and it worked a treat. Mind you, in the process I practically choked to death on Paloma (Mum’s).

       My bedroom 10:00 p.m.

      The sky is lit up with rockets from people’s firework parties. And I am alone in my room. I’m very nearly a hermitess. SG’s rehearsal has run on, so we can’t meet up. Still, I’m not going to mope around. I’m going to do something creative with poster paints.

       11:30 p.m.

      When Mutti and Vati came in I didn’t speak to them, I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.

      

      Saturday November 6th

      11:00 a.m.

      The cat molesters went off shopping.

       1:00 p.m.

      I’d better start my make-up soon, it’s only seven hours to the gig. But as I fully expect to be snogged to within an inch of my life what about snog-proof make-up? To lippy or not to lippy, that is the question.

      Rang Jas. Her mum called her and she eventually shambled to the phone. I said, “Oh, glad you could make it, Jas. My eyebrows have grown to the floor in the time it took you to get here.”

      Jas, as usual, took offence. “I was in my bedroom just working something out on the computer with Tom.”

      I laughed sarcastically. “Jas, you only snog in your room.”

      “We don’t.”

      “You do. Anyway, lots of fun though this is, I want to ask you something of vital importance to the universe. Well, my universe, anyway. What do you think about lippy and snogging?”

      “What?”

      “Well, do you put lippy on and then wipe it off before lip contact, or do you let it go all over Tom’s face and Devil take the hindmost?”

       2:00 p.m.

      Results of lippy/snogging poll:

      Jas only wears lip gloss which she says gets absorbed in the general snoggosity.

      Rosie says she puts on lippy AND lip gloss then just goes for full-frontal snogging with Sven. She also says that by the end of the night he is usually covered in lippy but he doesn’t mind and wipes it off with his T-shirt.

      Good Lord. We must remember however that he is not English.

      The rest of the gang seemed pretty well to go along with the lip gloss absorbed into the general snoggosity theory.

      So lip gloss it is.

       3:00 p.m.

      Surrounded by hair products.

      My hair will not go right. It has no bounceability. It just lies there. Annoying me with its lack of bounceability.

      Bloody sacré bleu. I won’t be able to go СКАЧАТЬ